Showing posts with label relationships. Show all posts
Showing posts with label relationships. Show all posts
Wednesday, 18 January 2012
Relative
When a good man and a good woman
Can't find the good in each other
Then a good man and a good woman
Will bring out the worst in the other
The bad in each other
Friday, 21 August 2009
The Playing Field Dynamic Of Love
If there was ever an ideal kind of relationship, I would reckon it is one that thrives on ideas (and wants), not needs, with both parties in it of enough egotism and self-esteem to be self-interested but not selfish, and spared from the chains of emotional dependence.
In psychology, there are two types of relationships that work - the secure-secure relationship and the anxious/ambivalent-avoidant relationship. For the uninitiated, secure people are those who are trusting, socially comfortable and form typically healthy relationships with people, be they friends, significant others or kin. Anxious/ambivalent and avoidant people are people who have trusting issues. Anxious/ambivalent people manifest it by being neurotic, clingy and possessive because they are afraid to lose those they finally dare to allow into their lives. Avoidant people manifest the difficulty to trust by being anti-social, reclusive and introverted, keeping to themselves most of the time.
Anxious/ambivalent-avoidant relationships often comprise of the female taking on the emotional possessive role and the male taking on the avoidant, silent role, and it works because these are socially accepted gender roles. It also works because both parties are a good fit when they can provide what each other needs. The anxious/ambivalent person thrives on the uncertainty and ambiguity of the avoidant person's reclusiveness, while the avoidant person thrives on the possessiveness and persistence of the anxious/ambivalent partner.
When a relationship sustains itself through needs more than desires, I would doubt its synergy. It is like Maslow's hierarchy of needs - if you're still grappling with the basal necessities of food and water, you will never get to the higher levels of satisfaction.
That's where a healthy dose of self-esteem and egotism comes in. It is unfair to say that everyone should be like secure people, because secure people don't happen overnight, and people are who they are because of their life experiences. But the reality of the situation is that secure people, with their healthy doses of self-esteem, have enough pride in them for them to believe that they deserve a certain level of return when they invest in a relationship.
What then happens in a secure-secure relationship, where both parties behave in this seemingly economic, self interested way, is that they know what they're worth. At this point, there may be those who say that this just seems heartless, results in people being non-committal and leaves room for people to dump their loved ones in the presence of better alternatives. But instead of looking at it so negatively (which also only happens because people who criticize this are probably anxious, neurotic and afraid of loss), the result is that both parties actually know their value because they have made it into each other's lives, and this is strongly reaffirming of each person's self worth. I made it into your life, and you made it into mine, and this is the strongest endorsement of your quality to me and my quality to yours.
Once needs can be put aside because they are thus fulfilled, there is so much else to look forward to and achieve together. When you don't spend half or more of your time worrying about losing someone, you're trading your emotional chains for freedom. That is why egotism works, and is good. If you know what you're worth, there's always a safety catch that stops you from being too suckered into liking somebody. If he or she falls short of your expectations, can't make up their mind or does other silly things, then your pride will tell you that you're just wasting your time and you deserve better than settling down with this.
The desire to trade up always happens whether you're a secure person or not. But by the time people in anxious/ambivalent-avoidant relationships realize they feel too jaded and yet too comfortable where they are, it gets harder to understand the reality of their predicament. So if one person starts to feel shortchanged by his/her situation, the result is often a fling with someone else, in order to trade up (even just for a moment) and to satisfy unfulfilled desires that echo in hearts that have lost their fires.
In the end, it's the synergy that becomes the indicator. At the heart of it all, are you looking forward to meeting your loved one to create and discuss ideas, or are you just looking forward to meeting your loved one because you're afraid he/she might leave you?
Whether self-esteem breeds the ability to believe that one always has options (so that one is never at the losing end), or one's options gives him/her confidence and hence self-esteem, a little bit of self belief and egotism always goes a long way. At the end of it all, always remember what you're worth and don't sell yourself short. What can you offer to the person you're gonna chain up anyway, if you're not completely happy?
In psychology, there are two types of relationships that work - the secure-secure relationship and the anxious/ambivalent-avoidant relationship. For the uninitiated, secure people are those who are trusting, socially comfortable and form typically healthy relationships with people, be they friends, significant others or kin. Anxious/ambivalent and avoidant people are people who have trusting issues. Anxious/ambivalent people manifest it by being neurotic, clingy and possessive because they are afraid to lose those they finally dare to allow into their lives. Avoidant people manifest the difficulty to trust by being anti-social, reclusive and introverted, keeping to themselves most of the time.
Anxious/ambivalent-avoidant relationships often comprise of the female taking on the emotional possessive role and the male taking on the avoidant, silent role, and it works because these are socially accepted gender roles. It also works because both parties are a good fit when they can provide what each other needs. The anxious/ambivalent person thrives on the uncertainty and ambiguity of the avoidant person's reclusiveness, while the avoidant person thrives on the possessiveness and persistence of the anxious/ambivalent partner.
When a relationship sustains itself through needs more than desires, I would doubt its synergy. It is like Maslow's hierarchy of needs - if you're still grappling with the basal necessities of food and water, you will never get to the higher levels of satisfaction.
That's where a healthy dose of self-esteem and egotism comes in. It is unfair to say that everyone should be like secure people, because secure people don't happen overnight, and people are who they are because of their life experiences. But the reality of the situation is that secure people, with their healthy doses of self-esteem, have enough pride in them for them to believe that they deserve a certain level of return when they invest in a relationship.
What then happens in a secure-secure relationship, where both parties behave in this seemingly economic, self interested way, is that they know what they're worth. At this point, there may be those who say that this just seems heartless, results in people being non-committal and leaves room for people to dump their loved ones in the presence of better alternatives. But instead of looking at it so negatively (which also only happens because people who criticize this are probably anxious, neurotic and afraid of loss), the result is that both parties actually know their value because they have made it into each other's lives, and this is strongly reaffirming of each person's self worth. I made it into your life, and you made it into mine, and this is the strongest endorsement of your quality to me and my quality to yours.
Once needs can be put aside because they are thus fulfilled, there is so much else to look forward to and achieve together. When you don't spend half or more of your time worrying about losing someone, you're trading your emotional chains for freedom. That is why egotism works, and is good. If you know what you're worth, there's always a safety catch that stops you from being too suckered into liking somebody. If he or she falls short of your expectations, can't make up their mind or does other silly things, then your pride will tell you that you're just wasting your time and you deserve better than settling down with this.
The desire to trade up always happens whether you're a secure person or not. But by the time people in anxious/ambivalent-avoidant relationships realize they feel too jaded and yet too comfortable where they are, it gets harder to understand the reality of their predicament. So if one person starts to feel shortchanged by his/her situation, the result is often a fling with someone else, in order to trade up (even just for a moment) and to satisfy unfulfilled desires that echo in hearts that have lost their fires.
In the end, it's the synergy that becomes the indicator. At the heart of it all, are you looking forward to meeting your loved one to create and discuss ideas, or are you just looking forward to meeting your loved one because you're afraid he/she might leave you?
Whether self-esteem breeds the ability to believe that one always has options (so that one is never at the losing end), or one's options gives him/her confidence and hence self-esteem, a little bit of self belief and egotism always goes a long way. At the end of it all, always remember what you're worth and don't sell yourself short. What can you offer to the person you're gonna chain up anyway, if you're not completely happy?
Tuesday, 10 June 2008
Marriages Of Convenience
It's interesting how a cycle always perpetuates out of convenience. As many propose, the eligibility of a male increases with age and the eligibility of a female decreases with age. In university, boys will complain that girls will only go after boys 2 years older because older boys have more to offer - more mature, seen more of the world apparently, closer to that graduate status, probably more likely to have the car, etc. And then, so much for all that, boys will just end up going after girls 2 years younger. Girls will complain that boys will only go after girls 2 years younger because of whatever reason along those lines - maybe cos guys apparently think younger girls are more attractive or something. And then, again, so much for all that, girls will just end up going after boys 2 years older.
A comfortable community of 2-year difference couples results, and then becomes okay because it forms a baseline out of acceptance. So it perhaps then becomes okay to say it's not that boys don't care about girls their age anymore and just wanna get younger girls, or girls don't care about boys their age anymore and only wanna get older boys. It's not that people of the same age aren't good enough for each other. It's just the norm, or the reality of the situation as it is, by default an excuse or not.
And in some instances, when there's a stalemate, it could boil down to religion as a factor just because it makes things more convenient. Sometimes it does seem that many people are, for example, Christians simply because 'it makes things easier', particularly at a social level.
We're all such suckers for marriages of convenience that the typicality of it all irks me sometimes.
But I suppose that's the automatic self-defence mechanism of any system. To oppose the status quo always puts you immediately at the losing end, even if there are potential long term returns. Many never make it that far and those who do are relegated to one-off heroes in a fairytale.
When everything's coming your way, you're in the wrong lane.
Audio Candy:
Hinder - By The Way
A comfortable community of 2-year difference couples results, and then becomes okay because it forms a baseline out of acceptance. So it perhaps then becomes okay to say it's not that boys don't care about girls their age anymore and just wanna get younger girls, or girls don't care about boys their age anymore and only wanna get older boys. It's not that people of the same age aren't good enough for each other. It's just the norm, or the reality of the situation as it is, by default an excuse or not.
And in some instances, when there's a stalemate, it could boil down to religion as a factor just because it makes things more convenient. Sometimes it does seem that many people are, for example, Christians simply because 'it makes things easier', particularly at a social level.
We're all such suckers for marriages of convenience that the typicality of it all irks me sometimes.
But I suppose that's the automatic self-defence mechanism of any system. To oppose the status quo always puts you immediately at the losing end, even if there are potential long term returns. Many never make it that far and those who do are relegated to one-off heroes in a fairytale.
When everything's coming your way, you're in the wrong lane.
Audio Candy:
Hinder - By The Way
Wednesday, 13 February 2008
Working Class Romance
I was random-surfing and I dug up a really old article that Yucheng wrote that I felt is quite worth a read. Actually, it's not old in the sense of me not having seen this article for years, as I did ask him to reproduce it for Love Airways last year when I was still working there, but it's old because he wrote it way back in 2004.
Well I mean... Heck, we were lamenting about working class romance when we were 18. I now know that I felt infinitely more ignorant when I was 18 as compared to now (not just in not knowing much, but saying and thinking things that really don't make sense or are reflectively immature) and 18 is hardly the age to be worrying about stuff like working class romance, but this is one of the things that I believe holds durable truth and it is impressive to say the least.
since i have time i'll give y'all an older man's perspective on love and romance and all that. so a while back me and the semi professional juggler min jiang was going home and somehow we was talkin abbt all that love and all that. and somehow he said that at his age(i think he's like 24-25 or something) you start worrying about saving up for marriage. but the thing is he's single! so here's the deal.
teenagers look for the girl. than worry about marriage finances and all that. them working people worry about the finances than see who pops up.
so i was telling him that whenever i see 20,30-some couples i get the feeling they're not all falling head over heels with each other, i always get the feeling that the girl's with him '50% cos i like him and i enjoy his company, 30% cos he's rich and can support me and maybe future kids which translates to capabilities which translates to good genes which translates to i-want-his-genes, and 10% cos im getting old and i need to marry and bear children, and 10% cos i don't have a sex life and i'm a horny bitch inside although i look fairly decent in office wear'
and than you look back at secondary school romances that were born solely out of mutual attraction(usually physical on the dick side)(call it love or infactuation or crush or lust and all that i dont give a shit) and you..well, secondary school romances just seem so much more innocent and pure compared to working adults trying to complete their life.
now don't get me wrong. i'm not putting down working class romance. it's just that there are so many other factors that come into play. not trying to flaunt superiority complexes here but i've been brainwashed to think that love is pure and there's that someONE out there that we'll just click and all that. now THAT happened with the dumb close friend(altho i'd rather belief it did not). and already there was so much in between us to piss everyone off. so maybe true love or wat y'all choose to call it really isn't just about mutual attraction. maybe 2 people need to have attributes like family background and monthly income and house and car and all that to click before they marry each other and say she/he's the one and all that mushy jizz. i mean i guess love and all that has to have a practical touch just to screw things up eh?
so i guess a good monthly income and house and short car without good looks and good personality still makes a mildly eligible bachelor although everyone will be saying the gals sucking me for dollars, i still get to bone hot girls. but that's if i become successful. maybe i'm just trying to say that im not really gonna hope to marry a girl tht im just attracted to and we click. i'll probably get successful or a stable income than see who pops along and settle with her and all that, and convince myself she's the girl of my dreams. wat a life. wat a wife. or maybe not. pah. so much for 'don't get into a relationship unless u're gonna marry her' screw love. shit's fucked up.
Well I mean... Heck, we were lamenting about working class romance when we were 18. I now know that I felt infinitely more ignorant when I was 18 as compared to now (not just in not knowing much, but saying and thinking things that really don't make sense or are reflectively immature) and 18 is hardly the age to be worrying about stuff like working class romance, but this is one of the things that I believe holds durable truth and it is impressive to say the least.
since i have time i'll give y'all an older man's perspective on love and romance and all that. so a while back me and the semi professional juggler min jiang was going home and somehow we was talkin abbt all that love and all that. and somehow he said that at his age(i think he's like 24-25 or something) you start worrying about saving up for marriage. but the thing is he's single! so here's the deal.
teenagers look for the girl. than worry about marriage finances and all that. them working people worry about the finances than see who pops up.
so i was telling him that whenever i see 20,30-some couples i get the feeling they're not all falling head over heels with each other, i always get the feeling that the girl's with him '50% cos i like him and i enjoy his company, 30% cos he's rich and can support me and maybe future kids which translates to capabilities which translates to good genes which translates to i-want-his-genes, and 10% cos im getting old and i need to marry and bear children, and 10% cos i don't have a sex life and i'm a horny bitch inside although i look fairly decent in office wear'
and than you look back at secondary school romances that were born solely out of mutual attraction(usually physical on the dick side)(call it love or infactuation or crush or lust and all that i dont give a shit) and you..well, secondary school romances just seem so much more innocent and pure compared to working adults trying to complete their life.
now don't get me wrong. i'm not putting down working class romance. it's just that there are so many other factors that come into play. not trying to flaunt superiority complexes here but i've been brainwashed to think that love is pure and there's that someONE out there that we'll just click and all that. now THAT happened with the dumb close friend(altho i'd rather belief it did not). and already there was so much in between us to piss everyone off. so maybe true love or wat y'all choose to call it really isn't just about mutual attraction. maybe 2 people need to have attributes like family background and monthly income and house and car and all that to click before they marry each other and say she/he's the one and all that mushy jizz. i mean i guess love and all that has to have a practical touch just to screw things up eh?
so i guess a good monthly income and house and short car without good looks and good personality still makes a mildly eligible bachelor although everyone will be saying the gals sucking me for dollars, i still get to bone hot girls. but that's if i become successful. maybe i'm just trying to say that im not really gonna hope to marry a girl tht im just attracted to and we click. i'll probably get successful or a stable income than see who pops along and settle with her and all that, and convince myself she's the girl of my dreams. wat a life. wat a wife. or maybe not. pah. so much for 'don't get into a relationship unless u're gonna marry her' screw love. shit's fucked up.
Friday, 14 December 2007
'L' Is For The Way You Laugh At Me
I'm basking in the post-exam rarefaction of doing things I know I had time to do either way but couldn't get started simply cos... Being in school and having lessons and all that; well the inertia is upped multiple times. Of lotsa social catching up to do, reading, doing nothing; of getting results back, the inevitable onslaught of social comparison and discovering that I'm in an unenviable position, but it's still not so bad. How bad could it be anyway? There could be an infinitively huge number of ways I could superficially justify why smelling C twice in first term isn't that bad but that's not quite the thing. In the bigger scheme of things this is way too inconsequential to bother me.
Been running as much as I can in between the incessant raining. And age is indeed catching up with my 2.4km timing. :[
Watched (of all things) Magorium's Magical Emporium with Angie, Mikaela and Leonard (the funniest thing has to be Angie's reaction to the squid woman); went to Derek's with Nat to get trashed at foosball by Derek; and soccer at the Kallang Cage for the first time. That's the last week in a nutshell.
In 4 days or so I'll be going to Klang, just a little off Kuala Lumpur, with Richard and my social science friends. It's just freakin' Malaysia but it's quite significant for me cos I'm not much of a traveler (for reasons that have always been made questionable by my traveler friends; and it seems like in SMU people travel alot!) and I've never traveled without the folks before. It's one of those little things I've always wanted to do if I could only get past the initial reluctances, somewhat like craving to be in the driver's seat of my own car blasting music I wanna hear.
I'm finally done with Prozac Nation, and while I've been telling my friends that I don't think it's fantastic cos it's full of emotional rhetoric and there isn't really any epiphany to draw from the whole reading experience, the ending really took me by surprise. Elizabeth Wurtzel states in her epilogue that if the reader ever found the book agitating for reasons I've just mentioned, then it has served its purpose because depression is a narcissistic ailment and the reader is experiencing the frustration of having to deal with a depressive here of sorts.
And I cannot discredit some of the book's philosophy also, albeit full of negativity but talks of things such as 'love is a victim of circumstances' which have been good resultant conversation fodder in the light of other more trivial pointless philosophy of late, such as the ladder theory. It's been awhile since I've engaged myself in anything really edgy and deep, though Yinyin may have a case with her definitions of perversive behaviour, but I'm enjoying the mental vacuum for now. Need a new book to get started on.
But anyhooser:
Scenario 3: A girl says any of the following to you:
• "You're like a brother to me"
• "You're like a big teddy bear".
• "I feel like I can talk to you about anything"
• "You're so nice"
• "Can you help me with my homework"
Ladder Theory Explanation: You are on the friends ladder. So Sorry.
These and many other funnies and debatable truths at Ladder Theory. I was having random thoughts when I was thinking about how structured and unstructured the whole idea of the development of love can be at the same time, and its subsequent unpredictability. And here's just a random salute to the bystander nice guy whom the girl in the sour relationship counts on to pour out her sorrow, cos he's doomed to her friends ladder.
The development of love can be as intriguing as it is close to our hearts as humans I suppose. No matter how much you try and disqualify it as puerile idle talk amongst the silliness of youth, it will continue to baffle even the greatest minds and perhaps act as the perfect down-to-earther for anybody. We can always count on the frivolity of love to add a touch of personality to even the most estranged of protagonists and antagonists in movies.
Pity the poor egg. It only gets laid once.
Today's Listenables:
Forty Foot Echo - Hollow
Monday, 20 August 2007
The Post-Hoc Evaluation
Commenced school to an all-time low with statistics class under Prof. Lin Ting Kwong, which was quite horrendous. I had trouble staying awake so I ended up playing Wordbiz (online Scrabble) with Yinyin.
People have been asking stuff like, "do you dread school starting?" Seriously mannnn... I am not happy or sad or angry about it, I'm just at acceptance with things, because school will start whether you like it or not, as if dreading it will help anything at all.
The past week's been the usual extended high I've been having for quite awhile, peaking with Zouk on wednesday and then crashing at Jianming's hostel. We were dancing for like 6 hours, which was really the shit. Good company makes all the difference. It was probably my best clubbing experience so far. 6am back at hostel and waking at 1pm to find that you're already in town kinda rocks too. Haha. I'll be repeating this for the freshmen bash on thursday.
Convocation was really really bleah. And even though I might've pissed some people off for pulling out rather last minute from the performance thing I don't regret it at all. I had my 30 seconds of fame for leading the pirates cheer from FTB. "I don't need that," I said when the MC passed the mic. Godly!
I've had my fair share of people doubting my reasons when I've stated that religion is why Kee and I have separated as a couple. I can understand how hard is it to fathom something like that for the layman, but to really understand why, you'd have to look into our personalities, perspectives and aims, goals and purposes in life. To us, love didn't simply mean going out all the time and calling each other every other night. Love can be defined by very tangible means but if that's the way you do yours then well the lack of superficiality in ours made things all the more difficult.
Considering that christianity doesn't take into consideration any other form of faith other than that of Jesus Christ, my pantheistic inclinations, even though encompassing of the prevalence of God itself, wouldn't have been acceptable. And I know very clearly that there are so many implications and complications if we continued to be together. I'd have been a hindrance to her growth in her faith, of which I know has benefited her alot and I certainly do not believe she should be denied the freedom to believe in what provides her spiritual well-being best. She would also feel very much compelled to try and convert me to becoming a christian, because I was more than just a friend. Those are just two of a myriad of other problems.
And consider this. I know christians would love to punctuate their sentences with praises to the Lord. What would that make of our conversations? I'd probably go on about my quantum mechanics ideologies and why I think Bon Jovi still sounds the same after all these years while she'd wanna tell me about how Christ brings joy into our lives. While I'd love to affirm that with her just because I care for what she thinks, I'd be lying to myself about what I don't believe in. And at the end of the day you just realise all those conversations may eventually just not mean anything anymore to either of us, given the persons we are and the priorities of our conversations.
We both also feel that the priorities of life should all go hand in hand with each other. You can't just put your faith, your career or your relationship, just to name a few, at the apex of what's most important in your life - instead, they have to go hand in hand. Only then would life be worth any of those things at all.
It may be hard for some to see it this way, but I've loved her too much to keep her with me, especially in a relationship which would entail so many potential issues in future. Some will try and say that if our love was really strong enough we'd be able to overcome this. Well screw them then, they just don't get it past the shallowness and probably won't anyway.
It has been hard because there wasn't really a breakup due to anyone's fault, there was no decline in love, and there is no anger to leverage any of this on. Simply put, breaking up not because there's no love left will be hard, and the love was brimming. As the years went by and our love grew, the barrier of religion just grew bigger between us, ominous yet surreptitious, until it became too huge to put aside anymore.
But we're really still friends, and perhaps more than just good friends because how do you just put aside all those things you know about each other, and all that spiritual and emotional connection you've had? Transcending the status was hard but we've helped each other through it and it's been alright.
I suppose in the bigger, more neutral, bystander perspective scheme of things, I'd just be a tool for a test on her faith, a little fork in the long road of her life, and she'd just be an example of what happens when you, as a christian, date a non-christian. Haha.
If each day was 48hrs, we'd all be younger
Today's Listenables:
Within Temptation - Ice Queen
People have been asking stuff like, "do you dread school starting?" Seriously mannnn... I am not happy or sad or angry about it, I'm just at acceptance with things, because school will start whether you like it or not, as if dreading it will help anything at all.
The past week's been the usual extended high I've been having for quite awhile, peaking with Zouk on wednesday and then crashing at Jianming's hostel. We were dancing for like 6 hours, which was really the shit. Good company makes all the difference. It was probably my best clubbing experience so far. 6am back at hostel and waking at 1pm to find that you're already in town kinda rocks too. Haha. I'll be repeating this for the freshmen bash on thursday.
Convocation was really really bleah. And even though I might've pissed some people off for pulling out rather last minute from the performance thing I don't regret it at all. I had my 30 seconds of fame for leading the pirates cheer from FTB. "I don't need that," I said when the MC passed the mic. Godly!
I've had my fair share of people doubting my reasons when I've stated that religion is why Kee and I have separated as a couple. I can understand how hard is it to fathom something like that for the layman, but to really understand why, you'd have to look into our personalities, perspectives and aims, goals and purposes in life. To us, love didn't simply mean going out all the time and calling each other every other night. Love can be defined by very tangible means but if that's the way you do yours then well the lack of superficiality in ours made things all the more difficult.
Considering that christianity doesn't take into consideration any other form of faith other than that of Jesus Christ, my pantheistic inclinations, even though encompassing of the prevalence of God itself, wouldn't have been acceptable. And I know very clearly that there are so many implications and complications if we continued to be together. I'd have been a hindrance to her growth in her faith, of which I know has benefited her alot and I certainly do not believe she should be denied the freedom to believe in what provides her spiritual well-being best. She would also feel very much compelled to try and convert me to becoming a christian, because I was more than just a friend. Those are just two of a myriad of other problems.
And consider this. I know christians would love to punctuate their sentences with praises to the Lord. What would that make of our conversations? I'd probably go on about my quantum mechanics ideologies and why I think Bon Jovi still sounds the same after all these years while she'd wanna tell me about how Christ brings joy into our lives. While I'd love to affirm that with her just because I care for what she thinks, I'd be lying to myself about what I don't believe in. And at the end of the day you just realise all those conversations may eventually just not mean anything anymore to either of us, given the persons we are and the priorities of our conversations.
We both also feel that the priorities of life should all go hand in hand with each other. You can't just put your faith, your career or your relationship, just to name a few, at the apex of what's most important in your life - instead, they have to go hand in hand. Only then would life be worth any of those things at all.
It may be hard for some to see it this way, but I've loved her too much to keep her with me, especially in a relationship which would entail so many potential issues in future. Some will try and say that if our love was really strong enough we'd be able to overcome this. Well screw them then, they just don't get it past the shallowness and probably won't anyway.
It has been hard because there wasn't really a breakup due to anyone's fault, there was no decline in love, and there is no anger to leverage any of this on. Simply put, breaking up not because there's no love left will be hard, and the love was brimming. As the years went by and our love grew, the barrier of religion just grew bigger between us, ominous yet surreptitious, until it became too huge to put aside anymore.
But we're really still friends, and perhaps more than just good friends because how do you just put aside all those things you know about each other, and all that spiritual and emotional connection you've had? Transcending the status was hard but we've helped each other through it and it's been alright.
I suppose in the bigger, more neutral, bystander perspective scheme of things, I'd just be a tool for a test on her faith, a little fork in the long road of her life, and she'd just be an example of what happens when you, as a christian, date a non-christian. Haha.
If each day was 48hrs, we'd all be younger
Today's Listenables:
Within Temptation - Ice Queen
Thursday, 5 July 2007
Rollercoaster riding time. I've never been busier in a long while - I'm juggling drawings, sub-editing and school work (which is killer with tests and projects at every turn) - and I think I'm barely hanging on. I mugged as hell and got 16/30 for the first test/quiz, which was pretty discouraging but as said many times before, it's really up to the individual if he/she chooses to be screwed up by something, so I just sucked it up, tried working harder and got a more decent 45/60 for my mid-term paper (yes, freakin' mid-terms at the end of just the 2nd week!).
Had my second matriculation today, which turned out to be a very messed up affair because I was being good ol' me - forgetting to do and bring everything at the last moment. So I'll have to go back again either tomorrow or next monday to finish up. Nonetheless, I got a part of second-matric done today, which included sitting through a rather boring community service talk and getting bombarded by seniors getting us to join all the camps. It's gonna be an extremely busy period in the near future for me, before school starts somewhere around the 20th of August.
Things have become a little complicated between Kee and I for a bit. It's not the first time Christianity has been an issue for the both of us - her faith in it and vice versa for me.
Let's just say that when it comes to the scale of being Christian to being Atheist, I'm somewhere in between rather than at either end. I've come a long way since those naive years of realising a faith like Christianity existed I think. During those early years I resented religion - they made no sense to me and sounded plain ridiculous. I did not exclusively reserve such sentiment to any one faith in particular; I thought all religions were foolish.
Over the years though, I've come to understand that everything is alot more complicated than it seems. To attempt to talk about the reasons that sum up to my stand now would be too herculean a task to handle; I could end up typing for hours and this post would go on forever.
Personally, I do believe that there is a system of sorts, quite possibly spiritual, that governs our physical (non-spiritual) realm and hence I do not doubt the possibility of a creator - God if you will, if personification suits your liking. We are all elements of this system and however you like to see it, we are either co-creators or pawns with a part and purpose to play.
To doubt that tremendously backed fact that everything today is a miracle would be silly; in my own scientific way of looking at it - the Big Bang - if, within one second of the moment of creation, the rate of expansion of cosmic energy had been different by one part per quadrillion (15 zeros), we won't exist. Less, and expansion would be too fast for anything to form. More, and the universe would have collapsed in on itself. I'm sure there will be other interpretations of creation, and you will be entitled to your own beliefs.
I'm not anti-religion, or more specifically, not anti-Christ. If having a particular faith makes you a better person, whether or not you embrace the faith to make you stronger or that the faith has, in some way or other, made you 'see the light', by all means do seek religion.
Around here is perhaps where the problem arises. While I believe that every religion is right in it's own manner, i.e. they are all denominators by which people seek the 'truth' or spiritual well-being and move closer to God, I am perturbed by the insistence of Christianity to be the one true faith. And while it is easy to pinpoint atheists and agnostics as the other extreme end against religion, Christianity seems to take it that all non-believers are wrong. This is said in very simplistic terms, so I'm sure there will be some who will attempt to disqualify this statement. Depending on how strictly the Bible is followed, people enforce this belief to varying degrees.
In other words, just not accepting Christ as a part of my life doesn't mean I'm anti-Christ.
And this doesn't particularly go down well with me, because I strongly believe that to each his own, especially when it is clear that I'm not anti-God in any manner. I have my own ways; I just chose not to embrace the Christian belief of Jesus dying for our sins, leading a Christian way of life and seeing that it is most important to dedicate a lifetime to serving God - in fact it is counterintuitive to assume that I will be more orientated towards finding Spiritual well-being in doing so, because I would probably end up being more disorientated and further from it.
I once posted a joke that the kid in Pursuit of Happyness made - of the drowning guy who didn't wanna get help from passing boats and eventually died and asked God why He didn't save him, and God said, "I sent you 2 boats you dummy!" - there is a point beyond the seemingly innocent nature of the joke. Many people are so caught up with the idea of salvation and the laws of the Bible that they may sometimes overlook what's more important. Now, this is my own little humble personal opinion, but sometimes Christians are so caught up with the sentimentality of the whole thing (of serving God, of Jesus dying for our sins, of the law of the Bible), it almost becomes drama. But I do not doubt that this sentimentality probably works for them because it drives them to be closer to their Christian God, and closer to Spiritual well-being. But please, it is not assumeable that it will work for anyone else. It is like trying to align a rifle bullet with a bazooka and hoping it will shoot all the same.
Which leads me on to a more trivial issue (depending on how you look at it though - it is trivial to me but it may not be so for others). I've told Kee that I find the language of the Bible very haughty. Of course, you say, it is from the Lord Almighty and thus are commands and are rightly so. Everything is in black and white - sin or no sin. How do you judge what is really right or wrong sometimes? Is there no room for doing the wrong thing for the greater right?
I always like fighting a case for homosexuality, because it is a very scientific and religious conundrum. Do you blame or condemn people for simply being who they are? For many of them, the nature of their sexuality is often determined from their first sexual stirrings. It is easy for a heterosexual - especially a heterosexual christian - to say, "but it is wrong, because homosexuality is against nature and thus, unnatural and a blasphemious abhorration against God's will." Well, it would be most unnatural for a homosexual to engage in heterosexual intercourse. Just try and imagine the opposite scenario for yourself.
Ultimately, christian vs non-believer arguments will never reach resolve, unless one of the two is less knowledgeable or that either one or both parties are willing to take a leap of faith in the discussion and be the other person. In fact, the two are basically fighting in wrong directions, because they are assuming they know the right target points to hit when in fact the answers simply don't make sense. Until then, all answers thrown back at questions will hardly be satisfactory to either party. Likewise, any claim made by one side, any at all, will probably sound offensive to the other.
Just picture Christian reasonings. "But the Bible says so" and "because it is the work of Satan" barely makes sense to non-christians and yet they use it so often; it is almost ridiculous to the non-christian. The opposite can be said for atheistic views - to attempt to convince a christian, who is so grounded in his or her faith, that everything was created from a tiny speck that had all the energy in the universe and quite possibly more 'since the universe is still expanding', or that a person recovered from the brink of a fatal illness not because of prayer or God's work but because of fluke science and medicine, would really sound equally ridiculous.
Back to myself, can anyone actually ever perceive a christian Jose? It is just like imagining a rational, peace-loving George Bush or a murderous Mother Theresa, for lack of better examples. I believe I can put it on myself to accept things as they are, but then there are further potential complications.
I don't quite mean to be divulging very personal anecdotes but I think there is a bigger picture for everyone to see.
If you're not already sick from all that reading, do check out the following links. They are really good and insightful:
What the Bible says - and doesn't say - about Homosexuality
The Real Story on Gay Genes
The God Fuse - 10 Things Christians and Atheists Can - and MUST - Agree On
I've got quite a bit to comment about homosexuality as well.
Telepath wanted: you know where to apply.
Today's Listenables:
Puddle Of Mudd - Away From Me
Had my second matriculation today, which turned out to be a very messed up affair because I was being good ol' me - forgetting to do and bring everything at the last moment. So I'll have to go back again either tomorrow or next monday to finish up. Nonetheless, I got a part of second-matric done today, which included sitting through a rather boring community service talk and getting bombarded by seniors getting us to join all the camps. It's gonna be an extremely busy period in the near future for me, before school starts somewhere around the 20th of August.
Things have become a little complicated between Kee and I for a bit. It's not the first time Christianity has been an issue for the both of us - her faith in it and vice versa for me.
Let's just say that when it comes to the scale of being Christian to being Atheist, I'm somewhere in between rather than at either end. I've come a long way since those naive years of realising a faith like Christianity existed I think. During those early years I resented religion - they made no sense to me and sounded plain ridiculous. I did not exclusively reserve such sentiment to any one faith in particular; I thought all religions were foolish.
Over the years though, I've come to understand that everything is alot more complicated than it seems. To attempt to talk about the reasons that sum up to my stand now would be too herculean a task to handle; I could end up typing for hours and this post would go on forever.
Personally, I do believe that there is a system of sorts, quite possibly spiritual, that governs our physical (non-spiritual) realm and hence I do not doubt the possibility of a creator - God if you will, if personification suits your liking. We are all elements of this system and however you like to see it, we are either co-creators or pawns with a part and purpose to play.
To doubt that tremendously backed fact that everything today is a miracle would be silly; in my own scientific way of looking at it - the Big Bang - if, within one second of the moment of creation, the rate of expansion of cosmic energy had been different by one part per quadrillion (15 zeros), we won't exist. Less, and expansion would be too fast for anything to form. More, and the universe would have collapsed in on itself. I'm sure there will be other interpretations of creation, and you will be entitled to your own beliefs.
I'm not anti-religion, or more specifically, not anti-Christ. If having a particular faith makes you a better person, whether or not you embrace the faith to make you stronger or that the faith has, in some way or other, made you 'see the light', by all means do seek religion.
Around here is perhaps where the problem arises. While I believe that every religion is right in it's own manner, i.e. they are all denominators by which people seek the 'truth' or spiritual well-being and move closer to God, I am perturbed by the insistence of Christianity to be the one true faith. And while it is easy to pinpoint atheists and agnostics as the other extreme end against religion, Christianity seems to take it that all non-believers are wrong. This is said in very simplistic terms, so I'm sure there will be some who will attempt to disqualify this statement. Depending on how strictly the Bible is followed, people enforce this belief to varying degrees.
In other words, just not accepting Christ as a part of my life doesn't mean I'm anti-Christ.
And this doesn't particularly go down well with me, because I strongly believe that to each his own, especially when it is clear that I'm not anti-God in any manner. I have my own ways; I just chose not to embrace the Christian belief of Jesus dying for our sins, leading a Christian way of life and seeing that it is most important to dedicate a lifetime to serving God - in fact it is counterintuitive to assume that I will be more orientated towards finding Spiritual well-being in doing so, because I would probably end up being more disorientated and further from it.
I once posted a joke that the kid in Pursuit of Happyness made - of the drowning guy who didn't wanna get help from passing boats and eventually died and asked God why He didn't save him, and God said, "I sent you 2 boats you dummy!" - there is a point beyond the seemingly innocent nature of the joke. Many people are so caught up with the idea of salvation and the laws of the Bible that they may sometimes overlook what's more important. Now, this is my own little humble personal opinion, but sometimes Christians are so caught up with the sentimentality of the whole thing (of serving God, of Jesus dying for our sins, of the law of the Bible), it almost becomes drama. But I do not doubt that this sentimentality probably works for them because it drives them to be closer to their Christian God, and closer to Spiritual well-being. But please, it is not assumeable that it will work for anyone else. It is like trying to align a rifle bullet with a bazooka and hoping it will shoot all the same.
Which leads me on to a more trivial issue (depending on how you look at it though - it is trivial to me but it may not be so for others). I've told Kee that I find the language of the Bible very haughty. Of course, you say, it is from the Lord Almighty and thus are commands and are rightly so. Everything is in black and white - sin or no sin. How do you judge what is really right or wrong sometimes? Is there no room for doing the wrong thing for the greater right?
I always like fighting a case for homosexuality, because it is a very scientific and religious conundrum. Do you blame or condemn people for simply being who they are? For many of them, the nature of their sexuality is often determined from their first sexual stirrings. It is easy for a heterosexual - especially a heterosexual christian - to say, "but it is wrong, because homosexuality is against nature and thus, unnatural and a blasphemious abhorration against God's will." Well, it would be most unnatural for a homosexual to engage in heterosexual intercourse. Just try and imagine the opposite scenario for yourself.
Ultimately, christian vs non-believer arguments will never reach resolve, unless one of the two is less knowledgeable or that either one or both parties are willing to take a leap of faith in the discussion and be the other person. In fact, the two are basically fighting in wrong directions, because they are assuming they know the right target points to hit when in fact the answers simply don't make sense. Until then, all answers thrown back at questions will hardly be satisfactory to either party. Likewise, any claim made by one side, any at all, will probably sound offensive to the other.
Just picture Christian reasonings. "But the Bible says so" and "because it is the work of Satan" barely makes sense to non-christians and yet they use it so often; it is almost ridiculous to the non-christian. The opposite can be said for atheistic views - to attempt to convince a christian, who is so grounded in his or her faith, that everything was created from a tiny speck that had all the energy in the universe and quite possibly more 'since the universe is still expanding', or that a person recovered from the brink of a fatal illness not because of prayer or God's work but because of fluke science and medicine, would really sound equally ridiculous.
Back to myself, can anyone actually ever perceive a christian Jose? It is just like imagining a rational, peace-loving George Bush or a murderous Mother Theresa, for lack of better examples. I believe I can put it on myself to accept things as they are, but then there are further potential complications.
I don't quite mean to be divulging very personal anecdotes but I think there is a bigger picture for everyone to see.
If you're not already sick from all that reading, do check out the following links. They are really good and insightful:
What the Bible says - and doesn't say - about Homosexuality
The Real Story on Gay Genes
The God Fuse - 10 Things Christians and Atheists Can - and MUST - Agree On
I've got quite a bit to comment about homosexuality as well.
Telepath wanted: you know where to apply.
Today's Listenables:
Puddle Of Mudd - Away From Me
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