Whenever we seek protection from a system, or allow a system to help us, we are validating and strengthening that system and legitimizing it. For instance, living in a exponentially-growing technological world, it is a necessity to stay tech-savvy and keep up with products and software for the average person. This keeps us afloat, if not ahead of the game, and helps us deal with new challenges and problems that arise from pushing the boundaries of technological possibility.
See also: gang protection fees
See also: insurance
See also: China government
See also: banking
See also: US aid
See also: social pandering
Showing posts with label system. Show all posts
Showing posts with label system. Show all posts
Thursday, 19 August 2010
Wednesday, 7 April 2010
Fighting The Good Fight
There is a common complaint that people often fall back on - "it's the way things are and we can't change it." It's a complaint that appears to have the power to brush aside the glare of the light that threatens to illuminate one's insecurities and desires in a world he or she finds so difficult to escape. It's a complaint that is pulled out of the bag ever so often by those who'd rather join the rat race than step back to see that something is wrong, because it might mean losing one's status and respect, losing one's job, losing one's friends, or perhaps more generally, losing one's chance at being accepted as part of the system, even if it might mean being mediocre and totally selling out.
I don't really know how to begin describing or defining this world that traps us, but if I had to put something to it, I'd call it a materialistic world that's run by capitalist and realist 'ideals'. It's a world that reduces vices and virtues into costs and benefits, it's a world that defines power and value through money, it's a world that imposes huge costs on those who cannot or do not participate in it, it's a world that takes everything that makes being human a wonderful thing and then sells it all back as commodities, it's a world that alienates and disrupts relationships, it's a world that makes us desire things we never really needed and then makes us unhappy when we cannot have those things we never wanted in the first place, it's a world that gives us far too many unnecessary choices to make, it's a world that thrives on unthinking participation, and it's a world that keeps everyone trapped in a cycle of competition.
I think such a world has the potential to reduce people into beasts, and very often it has done so.
I have a grand vision which I might even consider a dream; a dream that I most probably won't ever see coming true even if I died trying to realize it. The progress of the effort, if successful at all, will be in inches so small the whole venture might seem naive and silly. But an inch is still an inch; that is infinitely greater than nothingness.
The vision begins with modestly making people more discerning and critical by making them ask just one more question about reality and the world they live in. Even if people aren't convinced about the way I feel about the 'system', the moment I can get people to just ask that additional one more question, I would have inched one step closer to the ideal of fighting against what might seem like a hopeless battle.
Because I believe there is a critical tipping point. Once people start asking more questions about this materialistic world, the exploiters - who often get their recruits and establish their base of serving minions from people who were afraid of losing by not participating - will have less people to recruit. Once less people refuse to jump on the bandwagon, those who impose their will on the masses through power and money lose their validation, and the tides might then turn.
How might one encourage more critical thinking? Imparting general knowledge and inculcating a wonder of the world, I might suspect. It is somewhat sad, but those who have come of age will be hardest to reshape and might have to be overlooked; it is the youths that, once fed with knowledge, wonder and desire, will become the bedrock on which a virtuous society that is critical of the ills of capitalism, materialism, exploitation, realism and mediocrity will rest. One might thus realize how growing up surrounded by art, music, literature, history, dance, religion and general science might just do the trick to open the window of the heart and soul to what is beautiful. And subsequently, abhor what might come to contaminate that. The power hungry exploiters at the top of the political and economical hierarchies will have less undiscerning people to join their ranks.
Is it little wonder how difficult it is to change the kiasu attitudes of Singaporeans, when from a very young age most of us are taught to be competitive in school and get good grades or lose out? For the most part, the entire education system (compulsory, no less) is geared towards citizens participating unquestioningly in the machine so that it is well-oiled and efficient and does little to reward us with fulfilling our capacities as human beings.
As for the hardened, older ones, continue to shake their understanding of the world, should you be enlightened enough to do so. Squeeze that one question out, and we've moved closer to the dream.
Indeed, it might be a lot to ask of people who aren't as 'privileged' as I am to be able to see the world this way, or who might have been through difficult childhoods where education and knowledge is scarce and thus might have developed very strongly competitive and realist natures. But I don't think this makes the vision any less right or worthwhile to strive for. In fact, if the world wasn't the way it is right now, (1) the terrible social inequalities that keep families and children stuck in a cycle of poverty might not even exist (or might exist to a much smaller degree), or (2) children won't live in a world that encourages and develops cut-throat behaviour and competitive natures, because it won't be rewarding to seek power to solve the problem of gaining social validation.
I also believe that I'm privileged enough to be in a sort of position that might potentially allow me to carry out what seems to me a responsibility, such as if I do end up in academic circles in future and am granted an audience.
It is definitely an uphill struggle, because there are huge costs for defecting from the system. Some are obvious, such as being ostracized or being judged as 'inadequate' for not being rich in terms of the currency of the system, some are drastic, such as getting kicked out of the university you teach in because your idealisms are getting in the way of the practical objectives of the institution, while some are more insiduous, such as losing friends in the process.
It is a difficult battle, but I believe it is a battle worth fighting for regardless of the outcome.
"It seems strange that my life should end in such a terrible place, but for three years I had roses and apologized to no one. I shall die here. Every inch of me shall perish. Every inch, but one. An inch. It is small and it is fragile and it is the only thing in the world worth having. We must never lose it or give it away. We must NEVER let them take it from us."
- Valerie, V for Vendetta
I don't really know how to begin describing or defining this world that traps us, but if I had to put something to it, I'd call it a materialistic world that's run by capitalist and realist 'ideals'. It's a world that reduces vices and virtues into costs and benefits, it's a world that defines power and value through money, it's a world that imposes huge costs on those who cannot or do not participate in it, it's a world that takes everything that makes being human a wonderful thing and then sells it all back as commodities, it's a world that alienates and disrupts relationships, it's a world that makes us desire things we never really needed and then makes us unhappy when we cannot have those things we never wanted in the first place, it's a world that gives us far too many unnecessary choices to make, it's a world that thrives on unthinking participation, and it's a world that keeps everyone trapped in a cycle of competition.
I think such a world has the potential to reduce people into beasts, and very often it has done so.
I have a grand vision which I might even consider a dream; a dream that I most probably won't ever see coming true even if I died trying to realize it. The progress of the effort, if successful at all, will be in inches so small the whole venture might seem naive and silly. But an inch is still an inch; that is infinitely greater than nothingness.
The vision begins with modestly making people more discerning and critical by making them ask just one more question about reality and the world they live in. Even if people aren't convinced about the way I feel about the 'system', the moment I can get people to just ask that additional one more question, I would have inched one step closer to the ideal of fighting against what might seem like a hopeless battle.
Because I believe there is a critical tipping point. Once people start asking more questions about this materialistic world, the exploiters - who often get their recruits and establish their base of serving minions from people who were afraid of losing by not participating - will have less people to recruit. Once less people refuse to jump on the bandwagon, those who impose their will on the masses through power and money lose their validation, and the tides might then turn.
How might one encourage more critical thinking? Imparting general knowledge and inculcating a wonder of the world, I might suspect. It is somewhat sad, but those who have come of age will be hardest to reshape and might have to be overlooked; it is the youths that, once fed with knowledge, wonder and desire, will become the bedrock on which a virtuous society that is critical of the ills of capitalism, materialism, exploitation, realism and mediocrity will rest. One might thus realize how growing up surrounded by art, music, literature, history, dance, religion and general science might just do the trick to open the window of the heart and soul to what is beautiful. And subsequently, abhor what might come to contaminate that. The power hungry exploiters at the top of the political and economical hierarchies will have less undiscerning people to join their ranks.
Is it little wonder how difficult it is to change the kiasu attitudes of Singaporeans, when from a very young age most of us are taught to be competitive in school and get good grades or lose out? For the most part, the entire education system (compulsory, no less) is geared towards citizens participating unquestioningly in the machine so that it is well-oiled and efficient and does little to reward us with fulfilling our capacities as human beings.
As for the hardened, older ones, continue to shake their understanding of the world, should you be enlightened enough to do so. Squeeze that one question out, and we've moved closer to the dream.
Indeed, it might be a lot to ask of people who aren't as 'privileged' as I am to be able to see the world this way, or who might have been through difficult childhoods where education and knowledge is scarce and thus might have developed very strongly competitive and realist natures. But I don't think this makes the vision any less right or worthwhile to strive for. In fact, if the world wasn't the way it is right now, (1) the terrible social inequalities that keep families and children stuck in a cycle of poverty might not even exist (or might exist to a much smaller degree), or (2) children won't live in a world that encourages and develops cut-throat behaviour and competitive natures, because it won't be rewarding to seek power to solve the problem of gaining social validation.
I also believe that I'm privileged enough to be in a sort of position that might potentially allow me to carry out what seems to me a responsibility, such as if I do end up in academic circles in future and am granted an audience.
It is definitely an uphill struggle, because there are huge costs for defecting from the system. Some are obvious, such as being ostracized or being judged as 'inadequate' for not being rich in terms of the currency of the system, some are drastic, such as getting kicked out of the university you teach in because your idealisms are getting in the way of the practical objectives of the institution, while some are more insiduous, such as losing friends in the process.
It is a difficult battle, but I believe it is a battle worth fighting for regardless of the outcome.
"It seems strange that my life should end in such a terrible place, but for three years I had roses and apologized to no one. I shall die here. Every inch of me shall perish. Every inch, but one. An inch. It is small and it is fragile and it is the only thing in the world worth having. We must never lose it or give it away. We must NEVER let them take it from us."
- Valerie, V for Vendetta
Friday, 3 October 2008
When The Adventure Began
I found an IRC conversation that Cheng and I had nearly 7 years ago (we were like 15 or 16?) when we took our baby steps into the tumultous foray of religion and philosophy.
[23:56] {fartyjohn}so anyway its basically u cant go to chuch with an open mind
[23:56] {fartyjohn} cos u observe life for like wat? 17 yrs and u come up with your own theory and all that as to how shit works
[23:57] {fartyjohn} and they want u to throw that away for that 2 hours
[23:57] {fartyjohn} remmer the sunglasses analogy?
[23:57] {fartyjohn} your beliefs are like the sunglasses u see things through
[23:57] {fartyjohn} arggh..i forgot la
[23:58] {fartyjohn} so u built your glasses over 17 yrs
[23:58] {fartyjohn} and thy want u to like take it off?
[23:58] {fartyjohn} screw thm
[23:58] {fartyjohn} and everytime u dont belief they just say 'u're not takingit with an open mind'
[00:00] {fartyjohn} so anyway
[00:01] {fartyjohn} nature made everything. nature wants shit to go on
[00:01] {fartyjohn} nature wants life to go on forever.
[00:01] {fartyjohn} if u made something, u'd like it to last forever dont you?
[00:01] {fartyjohn} so the only way, is to make shit imperfect
[00:01] {fartyjohn} and we'dd all strive for perfection that dont exist
[00:01] {fartyjohn} like a looping rpg game.
[00:02] {fartyjohn} but thats not the point
[00:02] {fartyjohn} actlly thats the point
[00:02] {fartyjohn} its a depressing thought
[00:02] {fartyjohn} it takes the meaning out of life
[00:03] {fartyjohn} suddenly the puppets(us) in natures work, all decide that life has no meanin
[00:03] {fartyjohn} so we all commit suiccide
[00:03] {fartyjohn} nature don't want that to happen
[00:03] {fartyjohn} so in our minds, its a self defense mechanism
[00:03] {fartyjohn} its religion
[00:04] {fartyjohn} when the brain develops to such an extent of intelligence..that it starts to question life(humans), the device kicks in and introduces the concept of..
[00:04] {fartyjohn} religion and afterlife
[00:04] {fartyjohn} to keep people interested in the looping rpg game.
[00:04] {fartyjohn} to keep pple thinking theres meaning in life when there isnt
[00:05] {fartyjohn} so basically we'll survive
[00:05] {fartyjohn} a nd if u put natural selection into this, it makes sense
[00:05] {fartyjohn} those that find no meanin would've died..those who belief theres meaning live on
[00:06] {fartyjohn} and because of that, we're brainwashed to think that if u belief there's meaning, u survive, u're strong
[00:06] {fartyjohn} and those that die out are weak
[00:06] {fartyjohn} when..they just lost human motivation.
[00:07] {jose} actually
[00:07] {fartyjohn} i came up with this a while back, 'theres jusst 2 kinds of things, things that work, and things that die out'
[00:07] {jose} that just seriously sounded like a damn good movie plot
[00:07] {fartyjohn} its the matrix yo
[00:07] {fartyjohn} fighting against the system
[00:07] {jose} yea its about the system.
[00:07] {jose} and i cant believe we talked about all that
[00:08] {fartyjohn} no actlly i added alotta shit in this time round
[00:08] {fartyjohn} and its not a good fucking thought!
Audio Candy:
Frankie J - Don't Wanna Try
[23:56] {fartyjohn}
[23:56] {fartyjohn} cos u observe life for like wat? 17 yrs and u come up with your own theory and all that as to how shit works
[23:57] {fartyjohn} and they want u to throw that away for that 2 hours
[23:57] {fartyjohn} remmer the sunglasses analogy?
[23:57] {fartyjohn} your beliefs are like the sunglasses u see things through
[23:57] {fartyjohn} arggh..i forgot la
[23:58] {fartyjohn} so u built your glasses over 17 yrs
[23:58] {fartyjohn} and thy want u to like take it off?
[23:58] {fartyjohn} screw thm
[23:58] {fartyjohn} and everytime u dont belief they just say 'u're not takingit with an open mind'
[00:00] {fartyjohn} so anyway
[00:01] {fartyjohn} nature made everything. nature wants shit to go on
[00:01] {fartyjohn} nature wants life to go on forever.
[00:01] {fartyjohn} if u made something, u'd like it to last forever dont you?
[00:01] {fartyjohn} so the only way, is to make shit imperfect
[00:01] {fartyjohn} and we'dd all strive for perfection that dont exist
[00:01] {fartyjohn} like a looping rpg game.
[00:02] {fartyjohn} but thats not the point
[00:02] {fartyjohn} actlly thats the point
[00:02] {fartyjohn} its a depressing thought
[00:02] {fartyjohn} it takes the meaning out of life
[00:03] {fartyjohn} suddenly the puppets(us) in natures work, all decide that life has no meanin
[00:03] {fartyjohn} so we all commit suiccide
[00:03] {fartyjohn} nature don't want that to happen
[00:03] {fartyjohn} so in our minds, its a self defense mechanism
[00:03] {fartyjohn} its religion
[00:04] {fartyjohn} when the brain develops to such an extent of intelligence..that it starts to question life(humans), the device kicks in and introduces the concept of..
[00:04] {fartyjohn} religion and afterlife
[00:04] {fartyjohn} to keep people interested in the looping rpg game.
[00:04] {fartyjohn} to keep pple thinking theres meaning in life when there isnt
[00:05] {fartyjohn} so basically we'll survive
[00:05] {fartyjohn} a nd if u put natural selection into this, it makes sense
[00:05] {fartyjohn} those that find no meanin would've died..those who belief theres meaning live on
[00:06] {fartyjohn} and because of that, we're brainwashed to think that if u belief there's meaning, u survive, u're strong
[00:06] {fartyjohn} and those that die out are weak
[00:06] {fartyjohn} when..they just lost human motivation.
[00:07] {jose} actually
[00:07] {fartyjohn} i came up with this a while back, 'theres jusst 2 kinds of things, things that work, and things that die out'
[00:07] {jose} that just seriously sounded like a damn good movie plot
[00:07] {fartyjohn} its the matrix yo
[00:07] {fartyjohn} fighting against the system
[00:07] {jose} yea its about the system.
[00:07] {jose} and i cant believe we talked about all that
[00:08] {fartyjohn} no actlly i added alotta shit in this time round
[00:08] {fartyjohn} and its not a good fucking thought!
Audio Candy:
Frankie J - Don't Wanna Try
Monday, 16 June 2008
Self-Sustaining Systems
I currently have this fascination with the impeccable nature of self-sustaining systems.
We live in such a balanced and stabilised system of sorts where moderation is key. Wherever the blueprint for such a system came from, it is most ingenious nonetheless. As a result, we can never be 'too much' of anything. Or rather, we should not be too much of anything. One can derive the sentiment by reading it aloud, prefixing 'too' to any adjective, and at once even the most wonderful of things can become slimed with the decay of excesses, such as 'too happy', 'too beautiful', 'too passionate' or 'too rational'.
Such a system doesn't allow for stagnation. Everything has a catch to it. As follows, one can't even be 'too moderated', as it entails, for example, not being realistic nor idealistic, or passionate or dispassionate, and as such forces us to move along and change in a dynamic world. And this catch arises primarily because it is only human nature to value things we do not have, an intrinsic part of our nature devised to ensure this system ticks the way it does.
Audio Candy:
Timbaland Feat. OneRepublic - Apologize
We live in such a balanced and stabilised system of sorts where moderation is key. Wherever the blueprint for such a system came from, it is most ingenious nonetheless. As a result, we can never be 'too much' of anything. Or rather, we should not be too much of anything. One can derive the sentiment by reading it aloud, prefixing 'too' to any adjective, and at once even the most wonderful of things can become slimed with the decay of excesses, such as 'too happy', 'too beautiful', 'too passionate' or 'too rational'.
Such a system doesn't allow for stagnation. Everything has a catch to it. As follows, one can't even be 'too moderated', as it entails, for example, not being realistic nor idealistic, or passionate or dispassionate, and as such forces us to move along and change in a dynamic world. And this catch arises primarily because it is only human nature to value things we do not have, an intrinsic part of our nature devised to ensure this system ticks the way it does.
Audio Candy:
Timbaland Feat. OneRepublic - Apologize
Tuesday, 10 June 2008
Marriages Of Convenience
It's interesting how a cycle always perpetuates out of convenience. As many propose, the eligibility of a male increases with age and the eligibility of a female decreases with age. In university, boys will complain that girls will only go after boys 2 years older because older boys have more to offer - more mature, seen more of the world apparently, closer to that graduate status, probably more likely to have the car, etc. And then, so much for all that, boys will just end up going after girls 2 years younger. Girls will complain that boys will only go after girls 2 years younger because of whatever reason along those lines - maybe cos guys apparently think younger girls are more attractive or something. And then, again, so much for all that, girls will just end up going after boys 2 years older.
A comfortable community of 2-year difference couples results, and then becomes okay because it forms a baseline out of acceptance. So it perhaps then becomes okay to say it's not that boys don't care about girls their age anymore and just wanna get younger girls, or girls don't care about boys their age anymore and only wanna get older boys. It's not that people of the same age aren't good enough for each other. It's just the norm, or the reality of the situation as it is, by default an excuse or not.
And in some instances, when there's a stalemate, it could boil down to religion as a factor just because it makes things more convenient. Sometimes it does seem that many people are, for example, Christians simply because 'it makes things easier', particularly at a social level.
We're all such suckers for marriages of convenience that the typicality of it all irks me sometimes.
But I suppose that's the automatic self-defence mechanism of any system. To oppose the status quo always puts you immediately at the losing end, even if there are potential long term returns. Many never make it that far and those who do are relegated to one-off heroes in a fairytale.
When everything's coming your way, you're in the wrong lane.
Audio Candy:
Hinder - By The Way
A comfortable community of 2-year difference couples results, and then becomes okay because it forms a baseline out of acceptance. So it perhaps then becomes okay to say it's not that boys don't care about girls their age anymore and just wanna get younger girls, or girls don't care about boys their age anymore and only wanna get older boys. It's not that people of the same age aren't good enough for each other. It's just the norm, or the reality of the situation as it is, by default an excuse or not.
And in some instances, when there's a stalemate, it could boil down to religion as a factor just because it makes things more convenient. Sometimes it does seem that many people are, for example, Christians simply because 'it makes things easier', particularly at a social level.
We're all such suckers for marriages of convenience that the typicality of it all irks me sometimes.
But I suppose that's the automatic self-defence mechanism of any system. To oppose the status quo always puts you immediately at the losing end, even if there are potential long term returns. Many never make it that far and those who do are relegated to one-off heroes in a fairytale.
When everything's coming your way, you're in the wrong lane.
Audio Candy:
Hinder - By The Way
Tuesday, 5 December 2006
I've always thought it was pretty interesting how systems come and systems go. Systems get borne out of nothing, just so that things keep moving. Something just has to happen because somehow, we're not meant to stagnate. Natural habitats have to be disturbed to get their gold mines cleaned out. Plays have to go on because people enjoy a good show. A peaceful family generation needs a court battle over a will just because. Wars arise for the most absurd reasons we could never fathom.
Get that paper qualification and make that job opportunity count or spiral down towards a long, winding death. What a life.
Get that paper qualification and make that job opportunity count or spiral down towards a long, winding death. What a life.
Tuesday, 15 August 2006
Singapore Inc.
Oh happy belated birthday to the nation. Other than some very probable cliches, I don't really have much to comment this year around, so I've decided to quote some good excerpts from blogs I've read. Copyrights earned of course. ;)
The youths in Singapore are losing their identity and sense of belonging. I'm not sure who I'm speaking for, but I'm pretty sure it's not just a lonesome three to four. Polls have said it, half of the youths in Singapore would emigrate if given the chance. To rejoice or to despair?
I believe one of the reasons why Singaporeans are slowly losing their identity is partly the nation's fault, society's fault. Firstly, there's that lack of transparency on what the nation is doing for us. Secondly, they keep wanting us to be something else, or someone else. For example, wanting us to speak perfect English to "match up" with the ang mohs, or learning Chinese to keep up with China the growing dragon or whatever pet name it's given, or brushing up on Tamil as India's growing too. You can call us a multi-racial society and be proud of it, but it's not fair to exploit that and emphasizing on language so much in such a coercing manner. If there weren't those fireworks or the holiday, would the youths remember it's Singapore's independence day tomorrow? Would anyone embrace the day as a special day worth commemorating? Or would it just be another holiday? Singapore is indeed doing a lot for us, keeping the streets safe, making those policies to ensure every one of us gets sufficient education and so on and so forth, but then somehow people know only how to focus on the bad stuff, like rising transportation fares (does anyone ever feel thankful for the considerably-high pay they're getting compared to like native Indos?), stressful work environments, and bad education system which kinda limits students in some way and turns them all into bloody muggers who care only about results and nothing else. Our protective leaders' plans are backfiring on them, turning all their lovely citizens into narrow-minded self-centered money-minded people.
- Gracelina
I've been to the NE show when I was a starry-eyed Primary 5 kid, I've performed when I was a Nanyang Girl in Sec 1, I've been part of the audience 2 years ago, and this year I'm an usher for the last NDP at the National Stadium. For a possible quitter that is quite an awful lot of involvement in THE nation-building show, hahas.
It went from being awed by the fireworks to swelling with pride singing the national anthem after performing on the field to being somewhat cynical while on the audience stands, and this time I don't know what to feel. NDP hasn't exactly changed over the years--the formations are the few basic shapes you toy around with, the song singing of "future" and "peace" and "stars" and "soaring", the videos always appropriately reminding us of how we overcame our hardships etc [I just HAD to stifle a laugh when someone in one of the videos said "I am free to express myself."]
In so many ways the NDP show is a miniature replica of how the government would like Singapore Inc to work--months of hard work in nation-building that would have everyone believing and belonging, celebrating our achievements and the fact that we are Singaporeans and we are here, we've got it made, happy and all (remember, 4 million smiles or the police will arrest you for being unfriendly). Age strips the rose-tinted glasses away--the heart hardens and we dismiss each message as propaganda, which it is, really, but today I realise that it is not necessarily a bad thing because it doesn't make sense to badmouth/feedback on this day, because it doesn't seem right to not be idealistic and hopeful for a better Singapore, especially on National Day.
- Chris
I don't really have something specific to say in these recent times of growing anxiety about youths of our nation and politics of the country, and recently I realised that I'm becoming more of a backseat person - listening more than I speak, which, more often than not, turns out to be the wiser thing to do. But for a very, very inspiring read, go here. It's an interview with the late David Marshall. I know most people would probably dismiss this link but reconsider doing that, coz trust me this read could potentially change how you think, at least for awhile (heck if you had to choose between reading my online journal or that interview I'd say go for the interview dmnit.).
Met Gracia, an old schoolmate and ex-neighbour of mine (actually we still stay very much in proximity) the other day for a round of supper, and I was posed a question: "are you satisfied with your life?" And somewhere along those lines the question "what have you achieved?" probably lingered in anticipation of an answer as well.
How many of us have actually asked ourselves that question, and seriously gave that question a thought? I haven't until now. Deroose's asked me that before and it was half-dismissed because I thought it was too idealistic a question to consider at that point of time in my life when I was very much still in the platoon sergeant hotseat (clearing leave now and handed over! Woot).
Besides, what can you do when you're in the army right? That fuckin' obstacle in the prime of your youth? People can claim to have answered that question and gave an answer as dismally as I have thinking that it's okay, but now I realise it's not really alright.
After some reflecting, I guess I've tried to make my team, if not my unit, a better place to be in, and that's as heroic as I can get within my legal means. Because trying anything beyond that, especially as an NSF sergeant, is simply out of the question. Perhaps I've tried to change the system but failed, and maybe I can say that's the cause of my dissatisfaction. But I think I do have reason to be satisfied. In very basic, physical terms, I hope that I've cultivated a sense of pride in our team to be the best at what they can do, both for and against the system. Unity is strength, and you can't underestimate people power. Think I'm getting a little carried away again... But changing the system on my own would amount to opposing the government in its very funny, micro-level kinda way; a government which has cleverly buffered itself in its God-complex so as to be untouchable.
Take OC and CO relations for example, and why the chain of command is so strongly enforced upon the men to go through the right flow of channels. For those who aren't in the know... I can't elaborate here. Touchy issues.
Then again sometimes I think, is that really it? Or is that what I'd like to believe it is... Am I really as pensively intelligent as I think I am? Or am I just making a crapload of noise here, just like almost everybody else? Because sometimes I see chinks in my armour of seemingly correct principles.
I'm in a period of time where I'll probably look back on in the future and feel stupid of myself about. I've read back on some of the stuff I wrote, especially during phases of my life where I'm especially impressionable, not just towards trends but towards perspectives and beliefs as well. And I wished I could just go back in time and slap myself for the immature, silly stuff I did or said.
When it comes to being really clever, I suck. There are people I know whom I admire for their speed of thought and strategic foresight (qualities I think I fall short in), and when it comes to actually knowing stuff, I'm sorely lacking as well. I do not know global problems because I do not follow the news. But then again can I be faulted just because this is what society says is the right thing to do? Who determines what's right or wrong, or normal anyway?
I am who I've convinced myself I am to be. That's about it but it's more profound than it actually sounds.
Sometimes I do feel a sad longing for some place in society I'd really belong to. I've been constantly constrained by a lot of circumstances to do things I don't feel purposeful for. Going to schools to ensure I'm kept in the paper chase, I'll admit, is important. But it's left me feeling terribly empty. Through the years I've ended up in cultures devoid of people I can come alive with. Don't get me wrong, I love the bunch of fellas that make up my platoons through my army stint, but the stuff that they talk about or the music they listen to just simply don't cut it with me, and I'm constantly lying to myself just to keep up... It's tiring. Maybe as a platoon sergeant I saw it as a job to interact so as to understand the men better. But now that I'm letting it go, I'm really gonna let it go. Going to SMU after I ORD sure gives me sensations of escapism.
To what extent can I be faulted for not trying hard enough to be different, or make a difference? I genuinely believe I'm not a typical Zhonghua-to-NYJC-to-NTU-engineering student but whenever I have dreams of my own, voices tell me to forgo them because they're not practical. Truthfully, am I all for the paper chase and emphasis on the rice bowl? Why am I being faulted when my focus on a money-making career lapses when that's not what I really want? People can really try to convince themselves with their self-help books and blog rants that life is more than just a rat race but each time I talk to people, they keep convincing me that in the eyes and minds of the masses, that's all there is to life and ambition.
Weijian once said that we're living in a fucked up country. It is indeed an acidicly sweeping statement to make, but it does hold a certain amount of truth when he points out that every morning, people are rushing to bus stops and through train stations chasing god-knows-what and going home late at night. It's bad enough just to be in the rushing crowd for more inconsequential reasons like booking in to camp, and it's sick to know that conventionally, they're who you'd eventually become. Anonymous automatons of society.
But being in my unit has woken me up a little and while I have done what I could to make a difference there, I think it's about time to try and step out as an individual to be different. And eventually attempt to make a difference in society.
I wished more of us could have the courage to live. To give to your fellow brethren without expecting anything in return.
Starting to clear leave now. The light at the end of the tunnel is getting brighter... Just hope there aren't any potholes along the way that could really fuck things up in very unwelcome ways. Can't wait to throw all this down and escape into the life of a student again. I'm being an optimistic idealist for the moment.
Yes, I have a charmed life but it's not because of fairy dust, of self-help books, of circumstances or a bazillionheirress cash-flow. It is because I choose the path in which I walk.
The youths in Singapore are losing their identity and sense of belonging. I'm not sure who I'm speaking for, but I'm pretty sure it's not just a lonesome three to four. Polls have said it, half of the youths in Singapore would emigrate if given the chance. To rejoice or to despair?
I believe one of the reasons why Singaporeans are slowly losing their identity is partly the nation's fault, society's fault. Firstly, there's that lack of transparency on what the nation is doing for us. Secondly, they keep wanting us to be something else, or someone else. For example, wanting us to speak perfect English to "match up" with the ang mohs, or learning Chinese to keep up with China the growing dragon or whatever pet name it's given, or brushing up on Tamil as India's growing too. You can call us a multi-racial society and be proud of it, but it's not fair to exploit that and emphasizing on language so much in such a coercing manner. If there weren't those fireworks or the holiday, would the youths remember it's Singapore's independence day tomorrow? Would anyone embrace the day as a special day worth commemorating? Or would it just be another holiday? Singapore is indeed doing a lot for us, keeping the streets safe, making those policies to ensure every one of us gets sufficient education and so on and so forth, but then somehow people know only how to focus on the bad stuff, like rising transportation fares (does anyone ever feel thankful for the considerably-high pay they're getting compared to like native Indos?), stressful work environments, and bad education system which kinda limits students in some way and turns them all into bloody muggers who care only about results and nothing else. Our protective leaders' plans are backfiring on them, turning all their lovely citizens into narrow-minded self-centered money-minded people.
- Gracelina
I've been to the NE show when I was a starry-eyed Primary 5 kid, I've performed when I was a Nanyang Girl in Sec 1, I've been part of the audience 2 years ago, and this year I'm an usher for the last NDP at the National Stadium. For a possible quitter that is quite an awful lot of involvement in THE nation-building show, hahas.
It went from being awed by the fireworks to swelling with pride singing the national anthem after performing on the field to being somewhat cynical while on the audience stands, and this time I don't know what to feel. NDP hasn't exactly changed over the years--the formations are the few basic shapes you toy around with, the song singing of "future" and "peace" and "stars" and "soaring", the videos always appropriately reminding us of how we overcame our hardships etc [I just HAD to stifle a laugh when someone in one of the videos said "I am free to express myself."]
In so many ways the NDP show is a miniature replica of how the government would like Singapore Inc to work--months of hard work in nation-building that would have everyone believing and belonging, celebrating our achievements and the fact that we are Singaporeans and we are here, we've got it made, happy and all (remember, 4 million smiles or the police will arrest you for being unfriendly). Age strips the rose-tinted glasses away--the heart hardens and we dismiss each message as propaganda, which it is, really, but today I realise that it is not necessarily a bad thing because it doesn't make sense to badmouth/feedback on this day, because it doesn't seem right to not be idealistic and hopeful for a better Singapore, especially on National Day.
- Chris
I don't really have something specific to say in these recent times of growing anxiety about youths of our nation and politics of the country, and recently I realised that I'm becoming more of a backseat person - listening more than I speak, which, more often than not, turns out to be the wiser thing to do. But for a very, very inspiring read, go here. It's an interview with the late David Marshall. I know most people would probably dismiss this link but reconsider doing that, coz trust me this read could potentially change how you think, at least for awhile (heck if you had to choose between reading my online journal or that interview I'd say go for the interview dmnit.).
Met Gracia, an old schoolmate and ex-neighbour of mine (actually we still stay very much in proximity) the other day for a round of supper, and I was posed a question: "are you satisfied with your life?" And somewhere along those lines the question "what have you achieved?" probably lingered in anticipation of an answer as well.
How many of us have actually asked ourselves that question, and seriously gave that question a thought? I haven't until now. Deroose's asked me that before and it was half-dismissed because I thought it was too idealistic a question to consider at that point of time in my life when I was very much still in the platoon sergeant hotseat (clearing leave now and handed over! Woot).
Besides, what can you do when you're in the army right? That fuckin' obstacle in the prime of your youth? People can claim to have answered that question and gave an answer as dismally as I have thinking that it's okay, but now I realise it's not really alright.
After some reflecting, I guess I've tried to make my team, if not my unit, a better place to be in, and that's as heroic as I can get within my legal means. Because trying anything beyond that, especially as an NSF sergeant, is simply out of the question. Perhaps I've tried to change the system but failed, and maybe I can say that's the cause of my dissatisfaction. But I think I do have reason to be satisfied. In very basic, physical terms, I hope that I've cultivated a sense of pride in our team to be the best at what they can do, both for and against the system. Unity is strength, and you can't underestimate people power. Think I'm getting a little carried away again... But changing the system on my own would amount to opposing the government in its very funny, micro-level kinda way; a government which has cleverly buffered itself in its God-complex so as to be untouchable.
Take OC and CO relations for example, and why the chain of command is so strongly enforced upon the men to go through the right flow of channels. For those who aren't in the know... I can't elaborate here. Touchy issues.
Then again sometimes I think, is that really it? Or is that what I'd like to believe it is... Am I really as pensively intelligent as I think I am? Or am I just making a crapload of noise here, just like almost everybody else? Because sometimes I see chinks in my armour of seemingly correct principles.
I'm in a period of time where I'll probably look back on in the future and feel stupid of myself about. I've read back on some of the stuff I wrote, especially during phases of my life where I'm especially impressionable, not just towards trends but towards perspectives and beliefs as well. And I wished I could just go back in time and slap myself for the immature, silly stuff I did or said.
When it comes to being really clever, I suck. There are people I know whom I admire for their speed of thought and strategic foresight (qualities I think I fall short in), and when it comes to actually knowing stuff, I'm sorely lacking as well. I do not know global problems because I do not follow the news. But then again can I be faulted just because this is what society says is the right thing to do? Who determines what's right or wrong, or normal anyway?
I am who I've convinced myself I am to be. That's about it but it's more profound than it actually sounds.
Sometimes I do feel a sad longing for some place in society I'd really belong to. I've been constantly constrained by a lot of circumstances to do things I don't feel purposeful for. Going to schools to ensure I'm kept in the paper chase, I'll admit, is important. But it's left me feeling terribly empty. Through the years I've ended up in cultures devoid of people I can come alive with. Don't get me wrong, I love the bunch of fellas that make up my platoons through my army stint, but the stuff that they talk about or the music they listen to just simply don't cut it with me, and I'm constantly lying to myself just to keep up... It's tiring. Maybe as a platoon sergeant I saw it as a job to interact so as to understand the men better. But now that I'm letting it go, I'm really gonna let it go. Going to SMU after I ORD sure gives me sensations of escapism.
To what extent can I be faulted for not trying hard enough to be different, or make a difference? I genuinely believe I'm not a typical Zhonghua-to-NYJC-to-NTU-engineering student but whenever I have dreams of my own, voices tell me to forgo them because they're not practical. Truthfully, am I all for the paper chase and emphasis on the rice bowl? Why am I being faulted when my focus on a money-making career lapses when that's not what I really want? People can really try to convince themselves with their self-help books and blog rants that life is more than just a rat race but each time I talk to people, they keep convincing me that in the eyes and minds of the masses, that's all there is to life and ambition.
Weijian once said that we're living in a fucked up country. It is indeed an acidicly sweeping statement to make, but it does hold a certain amount of truth when he points out that every morning, people are rushing to bus stops and through train stations chasing god-knows-what and going home late at night. It's bad enough just to be in the rushing crowd for more inconsequential reasons like booking in to camp, and it's sick to know that conventionally, they're who you'd eventually become. Anonymous automatons of society.
But being in my unit has woken me up a little and while I have done what I could to make a difference there, I think it's about time to try and step out as an individual to be different. And eventually attempt to make a difference in society.
I wished more of us could have the courage to live. To give to your fellow brethren without expecting anything in return.
Starting to clear leave now. The light at the end of the tunnel is getting brighter... Just hope there aren't any potholes along the way that could really fuck things up in very unwelcome ways. Can't wait to throw all this down and escape into the life of a student again. I'm being an optimistic idealist for the moment.
Yes, I have a charmed life but it's not because of fairy dust, of self-help books, of circumstances or a bazillionheirress cash-flow. It is because I choose the path in which I walk.
Monday, 10 July 2006
Platoon Sergeant
Being an unofficial platoon sergeant of a team in a new unit really has its ups and downs. But I'm just glad for the lessons because they've taught me invaluable things. I guess at least I'm not going into the real society as a naive retard.
I still feel like I've been promoted to a 2SG for nothing. Am I supposed to feel happier? More obliged to be a fucker? Others who have been officially promoted to a 2SG rank to be a platoon sergeant have dug trenches and shite to get there. This is a local promotion for the remaining 4 months of my time that I don't need. And what pains me in an ass-kinda way is how other fellow promoted 2SGs are reacting to it. Stuff that I'd rather not mention. As I used to tell myself, and I still do, don't rock the boat Jose. Don't do it. It's just another 4 months anyway.
I still feel like I've been promoted to a 2SG for nothing. Am I supposed to feel happier? More obliged to be a fucker? Others who have been officially promoted to a 2SG rank to be a platoon sergeant have dug trenches and shite to get there. This is a local promotion for the remaining 4 months of my time that I don't need. And what pains me in an ass-kinda way is how other fellow promoted 2SGs are reacting to it. Stuff that I'd rather not mention. As I used to tell myself, and I still do, don't rock the boat Jose. Don't do it. It's just another 4 months anyway.
Monday, 3 July 2006
Band Of Brothers
What has happened to my BSC?
It seems like since that last fateful weekend, CDS has slipped into some kind of dark age, shrouded by gloom and doom. I've always liked CDS for its heroic, outlawed ways. We were the military organisation that's always at the frontline 24/7, and yet you could say we were the most unregimental soldiers ever. We had our own way of running things, resulting in a very different working and booking out system that no other unit has. We were once classified as RPs, but when people asked us if we were like RPs we'd say "no", and add that it'd be a really long story if we were to say why even though it seemed like we were doing the same kinda things.
In fact we were different. Which infantry soldiers wear commercial lifevests, bicycle helmets, safety boots and drive RHIBs? Which infantry unit never made it a requirement to reveille, fall in for last parades and have standby areas? Which infantry unit has soldiers outside consistently on weekdays? We were the resident base fuckers, doing what was necessary and to the objective (which meant minusing whatever we could and cutting corners) and then calling it a day, job well done and secured. Yet we never had bookout hours long enough to stop us from complaining that we aren't a welfared lot. We were in this mysteriously cheeky little unit. That was just the squadron I saw myself in and loved myself to be a part of.
But after what our dear CO has done, all sense of humour about everything's gone. It's sad and, I'll bet to the laojiaos, it's almost taboo. A balance has just been rocked, and we aren't who we are anymore. Our unit identity and personality is in shambles, and a new system is taking over. I'm leaving soon, and that's just about the best consolation about the whole situation that I can think of. It's sad.
I've never liked the idea of people, especially fellow people of similar age, drawing lines with one another. That's why I've always believed that we should see beyond authority and keep a certain sense of NSF integrity. Look, if you're so garang, then just fuckin' sign on man. If you do just that, I'll give it to you and not blame you for being such a system whore coz that's just about your job to be a slave to the system. But if you're a fellow NSF just like me, and just like the fuckin' whole lot of most of us that form the basis of this little defence squadron that we call our own, then I think that it's only right that you preserve a certain sense of code of conduct that all NSFs should rightly follow. It's not just about how good a soldier you'll be during your service term, but much more than that beyond your years after you ORD. If you start being a prick and screw everyone for the small things they shouldn't do as soldiers but could possibly do coz we're just biding our time as best as we can during our NSF years, then you're just not really being a fellow human that much anymore, and I believe all respect for you would go right down the drain.
That's why I don't believe in authority, which leads to my refusal to give in to regimentation and upholding of the law here. That's why sometimes I don't think I deserve a 2SG rank. To me, everybody around me of my age is a fellow man who is a son, a good buddy, a brother and a boyfriend. Mess him up and you're potentially messing about with anybody else he means the world to. Everybody has a sense of pride and self respect and it's just fucked up if you think that you can take that from him and believe that he'll really behave and even think like a man just because that's what he is in the pecking order of the army. It's just sad that some people still assume we can treat people this way as if they were from a 19th century army force. Maybe it's good to let some people who just don't get it know that most of the guys here are only being as obedient to authority around here as they're willing to play your games and act the part. Push that limit and everything will crumble.
I've always believed that with a sense of pride and faith in the people around you, you can get them to perform miracles beyond their calls of duty. Let's face it, more than half the people around here chose to be men anyway, so they probably chose not to take the responsibility and to just slowly while their way away while waiting for their turn to ORD and head on to more important things in life to them. Stop fucking them, stop messing around with their personal prides and dignities as fellow men, and you'll see how much more willing they are to do their job for you.
I'm only relieved that in a very few months time, my time here will be over and I can stop pretending that I believe in enforcing the system here as a sergeant. Truth is I don't, and it's tiring. Maybe I'm lucky in fact not be an officer so that I'm not biased to be a sucker for the system, so that I can revert from spec to man and man to spec anytime. Stop the power plays, and cut the crap about all these superiority complexes. It's lame and childish to say the least.
It seems like since that last fateful weekend, CDS has slipped into some kind of dark age, shrouded by gloom and doom. I've always liked CDS for its heroic, outlawed ways. We were the military organisation that's always at the frontline 24/7, and yet you could say we were the most unregimental soldiers ever. We had our own way of running things, resulting in a very different working and booking out system that no other unit has. We were once classified as RPs, but when people asked us if we were like RPs we'd say "no", and add that it'd be a really long story if we were to say why even though it seemed like we were doing the same kinda things.
In fact we were different. Which infantry soldiers wear commercial lifevests, bicycle helmets, safety boots and drive RHIBs? Which infantry unit never made it a requirement to reveille, fall in for last parades and have standby areas? Which infantry unit has soldiers outside consistently on weekdays? We were the resident base fuckers, doing what was necessary and to the objective (which meant minusing whatever we could and cutting corners) and then calling it a day, job well done and secured. Yet we never had bookout hours long enough to stop us from complaining that we aren't a welfared lot. We were in this mysteriously cheeky little unit. That was just the squadron I saw myself in and loved myself to be a part of.
But after what our dear CO has done, all sense of humour about everything's gone. It's sad and, I'll bet to the laojiaos, it's almost taboo. A balance has just been rocked, and we aren't who we are anymore. Our unit identity and personality is in shambles, and a new system is taking over. I'm leaving soon, and that's just about the best consolation about the whole situation that I can think of. It's sad.
I've never liked the idea of people, especially fellow people of similar age, drawing lines with one another. That's why I've always believed that we should see beyond authority and keep a certain sense of NSF integrity. Look, if you're so garang, then just fuckin' sign on man. If you do just that, I'll give it to you and not blame you for being such a system whore coz that's just about your job to be a slave to the system. But if you're a fellow NSF just like me, and just like the fuckin' whole lot of most of us that form the basis of this little defence squadron that we call our own, then I think that it's only right that you preserve a certain sense of code of conduct that all NSFs should rightly follow. It's not just about how good a soldier you'll be during your service term, but much more than that beyond your years after you ORD. If you start being a prick and screw everyone for the small things they shouldn't do as soldiers but could possibly do coz we're just biding our time as best as we can during our NSF years, then you're just not really being a fellow human that much anymore, and I believe all respect for you would go right down the drain.
That's why I don't believe in authority, which leads to my refusal to give in to regimentation and upholding of the law here. That's why sometimes I don't think I deserve a 2SG rank. To me, everybody around me of my age is a fellow man who is a son, a good buddy, a brother and a boyfriend. Mess him up and you're potentially messing about with anybody else he means the world to. Everybody has a sense of pride and self respect and it's just fucked up if you think that you can take that from him and believe that he'll really behave and even think like a man just because that's what he is in the pecking order of the army. It's just sad that some people still assume we can treat people this way as if they were from a 19th century army force. Maybe it's good to let some people who just don't get it know that most of the guys here are only being as obedient to authority around here as they're willing to play your games and act the part. Push that limit and everything will crumble.
I've always believed that with a sense of pride and faith in the people around you, you can get them to perform miracles beyond their calls of duty. Let's face it, more than half the people around here chose to be men anyway, so they probably chose not to take the responsibility and to just slowly while their way away while waiting for their turn to ORD and head on to more important things in life to them. Stop fucking them, stop messing around with their personal prides and dignities as fellow men, and you'll see how much more willing they are to do their job for you.
I'm only relieved that in a very few months time, my time here will be over and I can stop pretending that I believe in enforcing the system here as a sergeant. Truth is I don't, and it's tiring. Maybe I'm lucky in fact not be an officer so that I'm not biased to be a sucker for the system, so that I can revert from spec to man and man to spec anytime. Stop the power plays, and cut the crap about all these superiority complexes. It's lame and childish to say the least.
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