A Monster Of An Imagination

I've had a brace of drawing assignments and requests in one of the worst possible times ever - exam week - but one of them had a rather promising proposition. I was asked if I wanted to help an insurance company do illustrations for an upcoming project and I naturally went for it. However, they needed some samples from me just as a form of QC and while I've got tons of digital caricature pictures and other random shit I could use, none of them seemed relevant for an illustrator's job. So I decided to create material and came up with the half assed comic above.

Pretty much a result of leftover inspiration from this, as some people might recall:

Diplomacy is the art of saying good doggie while looking for a bigger stick.

Audio Candy:
Angels And Airwaves - Secret Crowds

Doused In A Cacophony Of

I was walking home from the MRT station today at about midnight and zoning out to music as usual when, at the quieter area around Serangoon Ave 4, I suddenly realised that there were two Indian construction workers lying on the pavement I'm walking on a few metres ahead of me, probably trying to get some sleep.

As with how thinking goes, we are often more aware of the result of our thought processes than the thought processes themselves. A barely noticeable flurry of thoughts came and went and at that moment, all I could be bothered to be aware of was that I felt a very profound sadness about the whole situation.



I was reading stuff when I just suddenly thought about how terrifyingly influential the things we leave around the house can be especially to our other family members. Pills, knives, dollar bills and watches, to name a few. The innuendoes people associate with things we drop in insiduous, subconscious but visible corners can overlap with the angst and fears amongst other bad emotions they have from their day to day lives, and become a sickening constant reinforcement of how they eventually perceive the world to work, even without knowing it.



Anyway, I also just considered and entertained the possibility that I might be someone who prefers it that people do not change. It's not that I feel threatened by the unpredictability of people that I know and much less the longing for specific moments in time (especially the good ones) to remain as they are, but rather more of in a dynamic sense - that people have their roles and characters to play within the social framework that makes up my life as a stage and I'm fond of that. I guess in particular I treasure uniqueness and personalities, even if they're bad ones.

One aspect of this is happening with increasing salience as people grow from kids into adults. Before university, everyone had a personality that was more or less concrete in a reckless manner, especially because JCs and secondary schools provided the comfort of cliques we thought would last forever and we were accepted as who we were that way. Once broken up and individuated into a more 'serious' place, as declared by society, like university - the precursor to being completely accountable for everything we do - we hide our past because we do not know everyone, while functioning according to the new norms of adulthood which we can only learn along the way. And everyone assumes that we won't be understood if we continue behaving with the quirky and idiosyncratic personalities we had back then. Not wanting to make mistakes and to make things as smooth sailing as possible, who we once were gets compromised. The final sparks of childhood are fading away.

Childhood quirks aside, principles and values in people and the opinions that they have that make up their personalities and character can change too, and that is another aspect I'd prefer to remain the same if possible. I have no idea if it's just me, and even then with adequate thought I've concluded that it's merely a preference.



The exams are FINALLY here. Space between now and the papers always breeds a certain degree of denial which can be a bother to put down. Now life is beginning to have a degree of certainty.




Love may be blind but marriage is a real eye-opener.

Audio Candy:
Alexisonfire - Rough Hands

City Lights Lay Out Before Us

A little piece of paper with a picture drawn
Floats on down the street till the wind is gone
The memory now is like the picture was then
When the paper's crumpled up it can't be perfect again



Hmmm.



"A man's sexual choice is the result and sum of his fundamental convictions. Tell me what a man finds a sexually attractive and I will tell you his entire philosophy of life. Show me the women he sleeps with and I will tell you his valuation of himself. No matter what corruption he's taught about the virtue of selflessness, sex is the profoundly selfish of all acts, an act which he cannot perform for any motive but his own enjoyment - just try to think of performing it in a spirit of selfless charity! - an act which is not possible in self-abasement, only in self-exaltation, only in confidence of being desired and being worthy of desire. It is an act that forces him to stand naked in spirit, as well as in body, and to accept his real ego as his standard of value. He will always be attracted to the women who reflect his deepest vision of himself, the women whose surrender permits him to experience - or to fake - a sense of self esteem. The man who is proudly certain of his own value will want the highest type of women he can find, the women he admires, the strongest, the hardest to conquer - because only the possession of a heroine will give him the sense of an achievement.

"He does not seek to gain his value, he seeks to express it. There is no conflict between the standards of his mind and the desires of his body. But the man who is convinced of his own worthlessness will be drawn to women he despises - because she will reflect his own secret self, she will release him from that objective reality in which he is a fraud, she will give him a momentary illusion of his own value and a momentary escape from the moral code that damns him.

"Love is our response to our highest values - and can be nothing else. Let a man corrupt his values and his view of existence, let him profess that love is not self-enjoyment but self-denial, that virtue consists, not of pride, but of pity or pain or weakness or sacrifice, that the noblest love is born, not of admiration, but of charity, not in response to values, but in response to flaws - and he will have cut himself in two. His body will not obey him, it will not respond, it will make him impotent toward the women he professes to love and draw himself to the lowest type of whore he can find. His body will always follow the logic of his deepest convictions; if he believes that flaws are values, he has damned existence as evil and only the evil will attract him. He has damned himself and he will feel that depravity is all he is worth enjoying. He has equated virtue with pain and he will feel that vice is the only realm of pleasure. Then he will scream that his mind cannot conquer, that sex is sin, that true love is a pure emotion of the spirit. And then he will wonder why love brings him nothing but boredom, and sex - nothing but shame."

- Ayn Rand, Atlas Shrugged, pages 453 - 454



I've always had an idealistic view of love and that it should be held in the highest esteem not in the sense of priority but rather to be intertwined amongst the things that one values the most, if not it isn't worth one's pursuit at all.

But Ayn Rand's piece is mind-bogglingly something else altogether.




"We live in deeds, not years: In thoughts not breaths; In feelings, not in figures on a dial. We should count time by heart throbs. He most lives Who thinks most, feels the noblest, acts the best."
- Aristotle

Audio Candy:
Adele - Chasing Pavements

Hmm That Was Adequately Amusing

The SMU student's real income for BOSS bidding is decreasing. Market prices are steadily increasing (that I'm cock-sure about) while our eDollars are stagnant.

I forgot all about BOSS 1A, but thankfully there's the 2nd window.



On a side note, RMSS term paper is almost done. Approximately 2 more weeks to socially-accepted slacking! :]



{ben174}: If they only realized 90% of the overtime they pay me is only cause i like staying here playing with Kazaa when the bandwidth picks up after hours.
{chrislmb}: If any of my employees did that they'd be fired instantly.
{ben174}: Where u work?
{chrislmb}: I'm the CTO at LowerMyBills.com
*** ben174 (BenWright@TeraPro33-41.LowerMyBills.com) Quit (Leaving)


{t-wolf}: man, my girlfriend left me for some faggot named robert
{rdawg20}: you don't live in Hope mills do you?
{t-wolf}: ya, why man?
{rdawg20}: lol, just wondering, was her namne alisson?
{t-wolf}: you mother fucker


{Guo_Si}: Hey, you know what sucks?
{TheXPhial}: vaccuums
{Guo_Si}: Hey, you know what sucks in a metaphorical sense?
{TheXPhial}: black holes
{Guo_Si}: Hey, you know what just isn't cool?
{TheXPhial}: lava?




Warning: Dates in calendar are closer than they appear.

Audio Candy:
Mono - Life In Mono

I Know St Peter Won't Call My Name

While walking down the street one day a US senator is tragically hit by a truck and dies.

His soul arrives in heaven and is met by St. Peter at the entrance.

"Welcome to heaven," says St. Peter. "Before you settle in, it seems there is a problem. We seldom see a high official around these parts, you see, so we're not sure what to do with you."

"No problem, just let me in," says the senator.

"Well, I'd like to, but I have orders from higher up. What we'll do is have you spend one day in hell and one in heaven. Then you can choose where to spend eternity."

"Really, I've made up my mind. I want to be in heaven," says the senator.

"I'm sorry, but we have our rules."

And with that, St. Peter escorts him to the elevator and he goes down, down, down to hell. The doors open and he finds himself in the middle of a green golf course. In the distance is a clubhouse and standing in front of it are all his friends and other politicians who had worked with him.

Everyone is very happy and in evening dress. They run to greet him, shake his hand, and reminisce about the good times they had while getting rich at the expense of the people.

They play a friendly game of golf and then dine on lobster, caviar and champagne.

Also present is the devil, who really is a very friendly guy who has a good time dancing and telling jokes. They are having such a good time that before he realizes it, it is time to go.

Everyone gives him a hearty farewell and waves while the elevator rises...

The elevator goes up, up, up and the door reopens on heaven where St. Peter is waiting for him.

"Now it's time to visit heaven."

So, 24 hours pass with the senator joining a group of contented souls moving from cloud to cloud, playing the harp and singing. They have a good time and, before he realizes it, the 24 hours have gone by and St. Peter returns.

"Well, then, you've spent a day in hell and another in heaven. Now choose your eternity."

The senator reflects for a minute, then he answers: "Well, I would never have said it before, I mean heaven has been delightful, but I think I would be better off in hell."

So St. Peter escorts him to the elevator and he goes down, down, down to hell.

Now the doors of the elevator open and he's in the middle of a barren land covered with waste and garbage. He sees all his friends, dressed in rags, picking up the trash and putting it in black bags as more trash falls from above. The devil comes over to him and puts his arm around his shoulder.

"I don't understand," stammers the senator. "Yesterday I was here and there was a golf course and clubhouse, and we ate lobster and caviar, drank champagne, and danced and had a great time. Now there's just a wasteland full of garbage and my friends look miserable. What happened?"

The devil looks at him, smiles and says, "Yesterday we were campaigning. Today you voted."




"He'll double-cross that bridge when he comes to it."
- Oscar Levant on a politician

Audio Candy:
Bright Eyes - First Day Of My Life

Remember, Remember, The 5th Of November

With Barrack Obama elected (we shall continue to optimistically presume) as the new president of America along with the country, as well as the rest of the world, slipping into further economic distress, one can't help but think about how his arrival as he takes office in January likens that of a much-needed saviour of sorts.

America hasn't had a president as seemingly gifted as he is in a long time and his talents - composure, intelligence, compassion and portrayed competence - fit the times well and have given many young Americans and people around the world a renewed sense of hope, perhaps since Franklin Roosevelt in 1933 (with a similar economic situation to boot except that he didn't have the weight of the world on his shoulders).

While we ponder if all that jazz over the pre-election months were just a fresh sense of charisma over a beckoning doomsday with this rather untried Democrat as opposed to the experienced war hero in John McCain, the way his campaign was so meticulously run is telling when it comes to garnering confidence in the way he would then run his administration. By infiltrating into the very hearts of your everyday citizen and conquering predominantly Republican states before your opponent has even started his pre-campaign morning jog, here is a man who has shown that he can get what he wants in a carefully thought out, intelligent and fair manner.

To McCain's credit, it was a reasonable fight while being constrained to the ideologies he represents. The cyclic American swing from social to liberal and then back can be, afterall, seen as a surrogate to revolution and Obama is the representation of the people's call for change, as huge banks dying in the economic crisis continue reporting record losses and ensuing unemployment and crime rates increase amongst other consequential problems. McCain's role as a presidential candidate had consumed McCain the man, and many have seen the best of him as he rose to prominence in 2000 and agree that, in fitting to his role as a presidential candidate, we ended up seeing the worst of him. McCain's speech as Obama won has, for me at least, sought him some degree of redemption.

But it's time for a change, and with that change comes renewed hope as to the shape of things to come in the world. It can't take one man to make it happen - the people are the ones who define and contour socioeconomic movements - but if Obama can inspire that change simply because people believe he can, and in him we have someone who, fortunately, doesn't suffer from a chronic lack of good temperament and common sense, then it augurs well for the future.




Somewhere along the line the Straight Talk Express lost some wheels.
- Barrack Obama on John McCain's policy softening

Audio Candy:
Edwin Rivera - Quema, Quema

Meltdown

An example of all hell breaking loose due to a lack of economic regulation: Free foosball tables.

All we need are a few tables and we'll see hoggers free-riding off the low cost limited resource.

Anyway, come to think of it, economics is the only field in which it is possible for two people to get the Nobel prize for saying completely opposite things.




It's like. Economists know hundreds of ways to make love but don't know any women.

Audio Candy:
The Script - The Man Who Can't Be Moved

Praying For Love In A Lap Dance And Paying In Naivety

I just finished a supposedly hour-long psychology experiment in 20 minutes, because 2 out of the 4 of us scheduled for today's experiment gave a no-show and the rest of the experiment hinged on some interaction between us. For that, I'll still get my 2 course credits (for a whole hour) because, in Daniel Balliet's words, "it is not your (our) fault the others did not turn up."

I know this shouldn't bother me as much as, at least I would think, it should. But I'm quite incensed that all that prep for today's hour-long experiment would have to go to waste, that research based on today's findings would be rendered void, that slots have been taken up for nothing, and above all there's nothing the experimenters or anybody can do about peoples' disregard for the importance of their attendance.

Coupled with the fact that a huge proportion of those who did not show up were seniors (one can tell from the module associated with the participant in the attendance list we have to initial against), by virtue of association I have more gripes about the whole thing which I'm too lazy to elaborate about.

Of course I have no idea either as to why the others were absent, and they might have perfectly decent reasons. But I suppose it does not discount the fact that I still harbour these thoughts and that there are many other instances in life when my judgment and anger directed in this sense proves valid.



On a side note, Barrack Obama wins by a landslide, thankfully. 8 years of ridiculous governance from Bush has seen the world suffer much turbulence, and though Obama's now bestowed with a major economic crisis, 2 wars in Iraq and Afghanistan and a nuclear showdown with Iran for which he has no initial responsibility for, I can't think of someone else better for the recovery job right now.




A diplomat is someone who can tell you to go to hell in such a way that you will look forward to the trip.

Audio Candy:
Leona Lewis - Bleeding Love

To The Moon And Back

I really should be engaging in more grounded things like doing my Economics readings or starting on my research methods assignment, and yet.

I feel as if I'd just travelled a millenium and back, and suddenly fast-forwarded images of spear-wielding soldiers, farmers, popes and minions are flashing past, and then there are tanks and temples and children in tattered clothes chasing after a rag ball. You are but one of them to walk this ground. Who else before you have graced these lands, what words and ideas have filled the air?

I think I could stay inebriated this way for the longest time.


Somewhere between the Facebook games, four walls and bright lights, Subway meals, parallel sticks flicking a ball around like a pinball machine, drinks passed around in a circle and rhyming games over food we weren't hungry for, a picture was taken. To think of, see or hope it to be anything more than its static, somewhat lifeless state, would be as pointless and futile as a handbrake in a canoe. Hold a memory, and then move along with the currents. Whether that image value-adds to your yet-to-be traveled life is a personal choice.




Audio Candy:
3 Doors Down - Right Where I Belong

Just Off The Key Of Reason

Growin' up, you don't see the writing on the wall
Passin' by, movin' straight ahead, you knew it all
But maybe sometime if you feel the pain
You'll find you're all alone, everything has changed

Play the game, you know you can't quit until it's won
Soldier on, only you can do what must be done
You know in some way you're a lot like me
You're just a prisoner and you're tryin' to break free

I can see a new horizon underneath the blazin' sky
I'll be where the eagle's flying higher and higher
Gonna be your man in motion, all I need is a pair of wheels
Take me where my future's lyin', St. Elmo's Fire

Burning up, don't know just how far that I can go (just how far I go)
Soon be home, only just a few miles down the road
I can make it, I know I can
You broke the boy in me, but you won't break the man

I can see a new horizon underneath the blazin' sky
I'll be where the eagle's flying higher and higher
Gonna be your man in motion, all I need is a pair of wheels
Take me where my future's lyin', St. Elmo's Fire

I can climb the highest mountain, cross the wildest sea
I can feel St. Elmo's Fire burnin' in me, burnin' in me

Just once in his life a man has his time, and my time is now, I'm coming alive

I can hear the music playin', I can see the banners fly
Feel like you're back again, and hope ridin' high
Gonna be your man in motion, all I need is a pair of wheels
Take me where my future's lyin', St. Elmo's Fire

I can see a new horizon underneath the blazin' sky
I'll be where the eagle's flying higher and higher
Gonna be your man in motion, all I need is a pair of wheels
Take me where my future's lyin', St. Elmo's Fire

I can climb the highest mountain, cross the wildest sea
I can feel St. Elmo's Fire burnin' in me

Burnin', burnin' in me, I can feel it burnin'
Oooh, burnin' inside of me...


This is one of the most outrightly inspirational and motivational songs I've heard in awhile by virtue of its message and the way it's sung. I can't get it outta my head. Maybe at this point where I'm so lazy I couldn't catch a cold if I were in Antarctica, such a song would be bursting at the seams with vehemence and vitality.

After a quick round of research, I realised that the song was written about Rick Hansen, a Canadian who suffered a terrible accident and was rendered paralyzed from the waist down, and who has 'wheeled' himself all over the world (over 40,000km) to raise money and awareness for spinal chord injuries. The song was written two years after Rick's Man In Motion tour began in 1985.

A snippet of trivia: St. Elmo's Fire is a weather effect usually witnessed as a nimbus of light around the mastheads of sailing ships, traditionally taken as the Saint watching over your ship.



Today went rather well like a surprise oasis in a desert of a term so far with regards to school, which wouldn't have been much to mention about if not for how drearily unfascinating things can be. Sometimes, I guess I really don't mind boring classes. It's just the waiting til the holidays I have a problem with.

But it was a peach of a day with our social psychology presentation going well (save for Jacq's incessant amusement at my expense), and finding that Capoeira as a CCA in SMU is really blossoming into bud. It really has a life of its own now with about 20 members interacting like family, and just merely a few months ago we were languishing in stagnant waters with only 5 members and it seemed like Capoeira SMU was never to be. It's just really heartwarming to see everyone singing the songs enthusiastically, wanting to go into the roda to play even as beginners who still look like wayang dancers and staying back after class to experiment and learn new 'cool' moves. Drive underlies this vigour, and I know Capoeira SMU will go far.

And it's somewhat funny how I'm thinking of it this way because it's not like any one of these events would really have been anything amazing to celebrate about. It's just that it's somewhat symbolic - the social psychology presentation marking the point of more than half the term conquered and Capoeira being the triumph of a plan set in motion. Maybe it's so simple it's confounding.



She makes me wanna do things just because.




Audio Candy:
John Parr - St Elmo's Fire

200

Your unmistakeable loud hailer voice from a mile away.

How you were the unapologetically dirtiest player on the pitch, which made us want to pole or taupok you more, which we did.

I called you Hulk Hogan for the countless number of times you ripped our shirts playing soccer like a dirty Mat.

Your unceasing Mat Vs Singh wars with A, and I'd always end up taking his side because you always got funnier when increasingly agitated which made the whole situation so much more entertaining.

The time you fell in love with K and codenamed her TA for 'tight ass'.

The stupid malay codewords we learnt from you that became an integral part of our daily cryptic communications.

Your calling Jim a Goblok one day because he was at it again with another one of his retarded antics, and it seriously became his name to us for the next 2 years at least.

How you and B became the gayest of buddies because there were only 3 guys in your class and the other guy wasn't so much of a guy anyway.

Even more gay when you and B became the rock of our JC team's defence in centre back.

When you got booked for running onto the pitch despite only being a substitute and taking off your shirt to celebrate after TK scored our 2nd goal during the 'A' Divisions, even though we were already out of the tournament.

All the hide and seek sessions we had with Mdm Lai in the library just because we wanted the air con without following the rules.

How we froze outside the library when Mdm Lai walked past and EF decided to run and accidentally dashed straight into the female toilet and had to sheepishly re-emerge and apologise to her.

The time B spread that you allegedly got sexually excited when Ms Nim did something totally unexciting to you, can't recall what exactly.

Your locking us out of your own house at 11pm when no locksmiths are available.

Our first-time clubbing experience the night before soccer camp, and you and EF decided to go to a nearby hotel instead and disturb its residents by pressing the doorbells and running away.

The time we went for flag day together and pasted the stickers all over the place around PS.

How we got into deep shit for that because some member of the public complained and it was announced the next day during assembly, and none of us wanted to admit it and started blaming each other.

When a boy and girl were on stage during assembly for being caught for breaking some rules, of which included smoking and probably some hanky panky, and you went "she smoked his what?!" freaking loudly and everyone turned to look at us.

How you appeared on TV for representing our JC's malay debate team, and after that we never gave you a break for your 'debating prowess'.

In fact, we even believed you could set a guilty man free because of the way you argue, which is an electrifying mix of humour, style, confusion and bullshit.

Our countless debates and arguments over the stupidest things just for the sake of it.

Your endless self-allusions to Islam and being holy and our eveready "YEAH RIGHT" to that.

The hard disk of porn smuggling between you and A.

Finding a pack of cigarettes in your bag, and your adamant denial that they're yours.

Bubble tea sessions after soccer, and how you'd NEVER ever buy your own and instead arm yourself with a personal straw so that you can leech off ours.

Same goes for McDonald's food.

How we always try and get you to treat us just because you simply refuse to do so.

How you always try and get a free lunch off us, being quick to jump on any birthday celebrations and demanding that the birthday dude give a treat.

Finally getting your motorbike license, and becoming a biker Mat with your infamous Phantom.

B went overseas, A became your new gay buddy, especially since he also got a motorbike license and became a phantom biker Singh, and the both of you kept making really happy trips across the causeway.

Finding that Singh's Phantom has a nice eagle design on the wheel cover, while yours had a pile of bird shit there instead one day after soccer.

The hamstring tear which had to put a stop to soccer for you, and your participation in our weekend soccer games, which hasn't resumed til date.

How I bunked in with you for 3 days at NUS when I needed to get away to study before my finals in year 1, and you insisted that we could share the same bed even though you lived in a frikkin tiny single room hostel.

How we talked about gender dynamics and you'd always say the most off things.

Your lamenting that being a joker type of person simply doesn't get the girls because they don't take you seriously, and how I didn't really know how to give an answer to that.

You just gave me a feeling I haven't felt for a long time even though I haven't seen you for the longest time either, and I just had to write it down.




No woman ever falls in love with a man unless she has a better opinion of him than he deserves.
- Ed Howe

Audio Candy:
Dishwalla - Collide

9 Crimes

9 Things Wong Kar Wai Taught Me About Love
by Alice Dallow

1. Requited love is an impossibility.
2. We love what we can't have, and we can't have what we love.
3. Eroticizing their possessions will be the pinnacle of your sexual fulfillment.
4. Anything that distracts you from the pain of your loss is good. Some people are more successful in this regard than others.
5. Hook up with someone. Live with them. Sleep with them. Tag along. Don't be fooled. You are only a transitory distraction. Ask for commitment. Declare your love. Watch the set up evaporate.
6. The most potent way to exist is to occupy someone else's imagination.
7. Desire is kept eternally alive by the impossibility of contact.
8. Modern communication enabling technologies will only heighten your sense of desolation by making you more keenly aware of the fact that no one is trying to call.
9. You will fall in love only once. Obstacles will prevail. The rest of your life is spent recovering.

I find such open cynicism fascinating. Sometimes, people want so much to feel such that hurt becomes a viable option. It is often the easier way out anyway in terms of a mish mash of resignation and chance. Heartbreak can be a selfish yet fair longing for the ones who have forgotten what it means to be remembered.




What does Kodak have in common with condoms? They both capture the moment.

Audio Candy:
Jon McLoughlin - So Close

We Are Here To Take The Blame

Here come the local pubescent proles. The future plumbers, shop assistants, and doubtless the odd terrorist too. In the old days, we confiscated cigarettes and wank mags. Now it's knives and crack cocaine. And they call it progress.
- Barbara Covett



Structure has an expiry date, after which allowing its prevalence can be likened to an immorality, as if once past its sell-by date structure only exists to be dissolved. The moral codes that undergird it can remain, but as a people we cannot stagnate in whatever comfort zone the presence of a structure provides. Change shows us comparatively how much better or worse things can be, and opens up dimensions and paradigms we would be otherwise blind to. There is potentially far too much to lose, pitifully, if we seek fulfilment in the act of closing off opportunities and not yearning to make a difference.

I'd reckon we're all realists with varying degrees of idealism in us. We're all realists because idealists die off as outliers and anomalies of society, while we're the ones who've survived so far - realists in social reproduction. But the idealists who do not die live for the revolution, after which they become realists within the new ideology formed (make no mistake, a realist now may not be a realist in another time and place - we are defined by the system we uphold or sucker-up to). As time goes by and we languish in structure and conformity, the more the idealism in us diminishes. It is imperative to keep the fire of idealism alive no matter how frail it can be.




It takes courage to recognise the real as opposed to the convenient.

Audio Candy:
Damien Rice - Volcano

Buses And Sink-Holes

Looking past the glint of the squares
And the iron bars that seem to be keeping me in;
I was told they were meant to protect me
While the manicured greenery speeds away
There are nothing but blank stares back
As another escape becomes fearfully squandered
Only because they do not understand
A contented prisoner of the mind
By dint of pure will I'd tell you a story
I'd give you a lie and I might sing you a tune
You might think me a friend on this lonely commute
Another lamp, another house, reaching?
It can't be better out there, I've been there
With an ounce, an inch, or maybe miles, it doesn't matter
It must've been furtively taken
For I do not know and cannot remember
But only that it's safe in the depths of despair
Curled up in this serenely addictive ride to nowhere




Audio Candy:
3 Days Grace - Never Too Late

Birthright Of Freedom

I gave the birthright of freedom only in trust,
and you are squandering it away on a luxury called expediency.
I stood in the snow without shoes to give you the right to vote,
and you stay home on election day whenever the weather is bad.
I left my family destitute so that you could have freedom of speech,
and you remain silent because it might be bad for business.
And, finally, I orphaned my children to give you a government to serve you,
and through neglect you are permitting it to become masters of your children.

- Anonymous



Loved this vid; it may seem only relevant for Americans now, but its implications are far-reaching and its message is clear for anybody who's a citizen. Yeh seriously, don't vote if you do not care.






Audio Candy:
Stars - Soft Revolution

When The Adventure Began

I found an IRC conversation that Cheng and I had nearly 7 years ago (we were like 15 or 16?) when we took our baby steps into the tumultous foray of religion and philosophy.



[23:56] {fartyjohn} so anyway its basically u cant go to chuch with an open mind
[23:56] {fartyjohn} cos u observe life for like wat? 17 yrs and u come up with your own theory and all that as to how shit works
[23:57] {fartyjohn} and they want u to throw that away for that 2 hours
[23:57] {fartyjohn} remmer the sunglasses analogy?
[23:57] {fartyjohn} your beliefs are like the sunglasses u see things through
[23:57] {fartyjohn} arggh..i forgot la
[23:58] {fartyjohn} so u built your glasses over 17 yrs
[23:58] {fartyjohn} and thy want u to like take it off?
[23:58] {fartyjohn} screw thm
[23:58] {fartyjohn} and everytime u dont belief they just say 'u're not takingit with an open mind'
[00:00] {fartyjohn} so anyway
[00:01] {fartyjohn} nature made everything. nature wants shit to go on
[00:01] {fartyjohn} nature wants life to go on forever.
[00:01] {fartyjohn} if u made something, u'd like it to last forever dont you?
[00:01] {fartyjohn} so the only way, is to make shit imperfect
[00:01] {fartyjohn} and we'dd all strive for perfection that dont exist
[00:01] {fartyjohn} like a looping rpg game.
[00:02] {fartyjohn} but thats not the point
[00:02] {fartyjohn} actlly thats the point
[00:02] {fartyjohn} its a depressing thought
[00:02] {fartyjohn} it takes the meaning out of life
[00:03] {fartyjohn} suddenly the puppets(us) in natures work, all decide that life has no meanin
[00:03] {fartyjohn} so we all commit suiccide
[00:03] {fartyjohn} nature don't want that to happen
[00:03] {fartyjohn} so in our minds, its a self defense mechanism
[00:03] {fartyjohn} its religion
[00:04] {fartyjohn} when the brain develops to such an extent of intelligence..that it starts to question life(humans), the device kicks in and introduces the concept of..
[00:04] {fartyjohn} religion and afterlife
[00:04] {fartyjohn} to keep people interested in the looping rpg game.
[00:04] {fartyjohn} to keep pple thinking theres meaning in life when there isnt
[00:05] {fartyjohn} so basically we'll survive
[00:05] {fartyjohn} a nd if u put natural selection into this, it makes sense
[00:05] {fartyjohn} those that find no meanin would've died..those who belief theres meaning live on
[00:06] {fartyjohn} and because of that, we're brainwashed to think that if u belief there's meaning, u survive, u're strong
[00:06] {fartyjohn} and those that die out are weak
[00:06] {fartyjohn} when..they just lost human motivation.
[00:07] {jose} actually
[00:07] {fartyjohn} i came up with this a while back, 'theres jusst 2 kinds of things, things that work, and things that die out'
[00:07] {jose} that just seriously sounded like a damn good movie plot
[00:07] {fartyjohn} its the matrix yo
[00:07] {fartyjohn} fighting against the system
[00:07] {jose} yea its about the system.
[00:07] {jose} and i cant believe we talked about all that
[00:08] {fartyjohn} no actlly i added alotta shit in this time round
[00:08] {fartyjohn} and its not a good fucking thought!




Audio Candy:
Frankie J - Don't Wanna Try

Morality

"Is there a difference between a man who thinks honesty is the best policy and an honest man?"
- C. S. Lewis

Sure, an honest man is honest by habit and not by cost-benefit calculation.

"It is, thus, always important to keep in mind that professional [personal] ethics depends mainly on constant vigilance, on sustained discretion and prudence, and on wisdom, rather than on certain set rules. It is true here as elsewhere that character is destiny."
- Machan




Audio Candy:
Belle And Sebastian - Piazza, New York Catcher

Character Is Destiny

I was reading up about the US Presidential Elections a few days ago and getting some background information on John McCain, Barack Obama, Hillary Clinton and Sarah Palin when I read that John McCain wrote a book with Mark Salter titled Character Is Destiny: Inspiring Stories Every Young Person Should Know and Every Adult Should Remember. The title fascinated me, so I read more about and found out that it's "a collection of biographies about individuals from the past and present who, in the authors' view, exemplify the best qualities of character. The book is divided into seven parts with further divisions of a characteristic and a person who is seen to exemplify it."



In McCain's words from the book's introduction:

It is your character, and your character alone, that will make your life happy or unhappy. That is all that really passes for destiny. And you choose it. No one else can give it to you or deny it to you. No rival can steal it from you. And no friend can give it to you. Others can encourage you to make the right choices or discourage you. But you choose.



Part One: HONOUR

HONESTY - Thomas More
RESPECT - Gandhi
AUTHENTICITY - Joan of Arc
LOYALTY - Sir Ernest Shackleton
DIGNITY - Viktor Frankl


Part Two: PURPOSE

IDEALISM - Sojourner Truth
RIGHTEOUSNESS - Roméo Dallaire
CITIZENSHIP - Pat Tillman
DILIGENCE - Winston Churchill
RESPONSIBILITY - Lord Nelson and His Lieutenants
COOPERATION - John Wooden


Part Three: STRENGTH

COURAGE - Edith Cavell
SELF-CONTROL - George Washington
CONFIDENCE - Elizabeth I
RESILIENCE - Abraham Lincoln
INDUSTRY - Eric Hoffer
HOPEFULNESS - John Winthrop


Part Four: UNDERSTANDING

FAITH - Christian Guard at Hua Lo Prison
COMPASSION - Maximillian Kolbe
MERCY - Mother Antonia
TOLERANCE - The Four Chaplains
FORGIVENESS - Nelson Mandela
GENEROSITY - Oseola McCarty


Part Five: JUDGMENT

FAIRNESS - Dr. Martin Luther King, Jr.
HUMILITY - Dwight D. Eisenhower
GRATITUDE - Tecumseh
HUMOUR - Mark Twain
COURTESY - Aung San Suu Kyi


Part Six: CREATIVITY

ASPIRATION - Ferdinand Magellan
DISCERNMENT - Leonardo da Vinci
CURIOSITY - Charles Darwin
ENTHUSIASM - Theodore Roosevelt
EXCELLENCE - Wilma Rudolph


Part Seven: LOVE

SELFLESSNESS AND CONTENTMENT - Mother Teresa




"Love is the triumph of imagination over intelligence."
- Henry Louis Mencken

Audio Candy:
Lifehouse - Simon

Geek Is Sleek

International Economics classes are turning out to be the most enjoyable classes this term. I'm relatively somewhat more jaded this year compared to last in terms of school (but I think I'm still enjoying school much more than most people are), but vestiges of last semester's Political Science classes are there in International Economics. We've got a really passionate professor and typical strong Economist in the form of Leung Hing-Man and I really like it that he encourages discussion in class about real-world economic scenarios. It also helps that he's idealistically for the free market in a stubborn, opinionated way, so there will always be plenty of argument to go around.

He also said that he doesn't believe in grading for class participation, because if the class does not participate in discussion, he sees it such that he has failed to invoke passion in us rather than failure on our individual part to be actively involved. Aww.




Audio Candy:
Damien Rice - Amie

Over Your Shoulder You Have To Watch Heaven Fall Into Hell

For the longest time, I stared at the curious painting on the wall. This must be what alone feels like, because others will never see the deceptively innocuous painting the way I did. We're often told to shun clichés because the weight of their typicality bears down on those who are aware, but in this one I saw a reflective contradiction - a sort of lunatic calm - that was so personal it was bursting at the seams, like a picture that paints a thousand words that will never be said, can never be said. As was aptly stated by Luis Barragán, art is made by the alone for the alone, and in that brief instant I think I caught fire. Or something along those lines, one of those sensations you can't quite put a finger to. So I abruptly turned away, somewhat clumsily I suppose, stuck in that weird rarefaction you get when you're overwhelmed by something so insignificant it almost doesn't exist, and started to walk.

"Hey."

Then I stopped, and so did my heart for a moment, as I looked up and saw you standing there with that half-slanted posture that reeked of an unwelcome familiarity of confidence. Or perhaps the situation seemed unpleasant of sorts due to the awkward abruptness. I might've been less ambivalent and a little more self-assured if it wasn't here and now. We were a few feet apart; close enough to a feel a tension that would've been crushing even if we were worlds from each other, in that gray corridor that suddenly seemed too wide it was stifling. With the sun's rays like accusatory fingers piercing through the high windows, I suddenly felt as if I had somehow willed you out of that painting.

"Whoa, hey. It's been some time."

Maybe we're the way we are because life is lived according to the idealistic clichés we unwittingly create and trap ourselves in. Sometimes it really seems like our realities reflect art more than art reflects reality.

"Yeah, seriously," you said, with a controlled chuckle. "I feel as if I'd have to endure another lifetime or two before someone we both distantly know would finally introduce you to me again."

"Yup I suppose. Never thought it'd be so soon, to be honest," I replied, coupled with a nervous smile. For some bizarre reason I was sure I felt the deep reverberation of the unspoken words that resounded between us in our intertwined thoughts. Remember the playground next to 513? / I've always wondered what it feels like to be consciously suffering a stroke. / Here's to the both of us for however long this will last. / I'd wanna be seated exactly beside where the next star will land. I think you were the first. / Toa Payoh chwee kway owns Clementi's hands down. / I'll light a candle and say a prayer for you!

"Always quite the cynic, aren't you?"

I returned a restrained nod, as I relaxed a little. There was much we would have died to say if we still existed in our little utopia, but we've both blasted off in our little rockets and those words will be buried six feet deep. At least, right now, I'm finally sure that's how it will be. A few feet apart was all that separated us physically, but we were as far asunder as lightyears in dimensions that aren't even parallel. But at least the distance apart will guarantee a myriad of twinkling stars in between, if a silver lining was ever needed for something that had already ended.

"I've to be on my way. It's nice to see you again," I said, and you replied, "well, that was strange and good all the same. Good bye."

I'm not colour blind; I know the world is black and white, and you can't convince someone that the grass is green in a world without colours. I guess while I thought it'd be easier than this, I've definitely moved on to what I hope would be a better place somewhere in my mind and it suddenly felt as if the cracks on my vine-ridden wall have been filled up, and you're no longer perched at the top with your legs swinging freely around. Walking away wasn't even necessary, as we were both never really right there beside that fateful painting. A sense of finality came before it was even called for.