Her dark, turbulent world was a canvas upon which she drew the brightest flowers and spun the most intricate of yarns. Then one fateful day, she found happiness, and the art finally died.
There was mambo night, and then there was some. Was I thinking? Now I'm back at the end of the line, losing control; there's no escaping gravity. On a side note, while the DJ was adventurous in trying to introduce That's Not My Name by The Ting Tings, the music transitioning did leave a lot to be desired.
When it does rain, it pours. So I found myself back at Richard's place, twice in 3 days. The first was when we had the PS2 gathering; DDR under the influence of alcohol should be quite fun. :] Anyway, there I was bunking over after mambo when I was really supposed to be 'overnighting in school for some faculty event', to spare myself the hassle of having to deal with the folks.
When I was a primary school kid, I started lying that I had remedial lessons so that I could sneak over to my friends' places where all the Sega Saturns and Nintendo 64s were. I feared that some unwitting classmate of mine would call to ask about homework while I was out, and I lived in mortal fear, on a regular basis for awhile, of the mental image of my mom answering the phone and asking him or her why he or she was home already while I wasn't, and then giving me a good one when I got home.
But that fear eroded after awhile, diluted and made insignificant by the many times I got away with it, as well as other things I regularly keep from my parents, especially my strict, traditional dad. I know many people, up to the young adults they are now, never ever get over this fear. Either that, or the guilt of the lie committed becomes too overbearing a burden to carry, no matter how small it is. It is like putting your finger very near the spot between your eyebrows, almost in contact but never touching, and leaving it there. A pressure that typically shouldn't be there takes form, and quickly becomes more than a niggling gnaw. Though I'm not proud to say it, I suppose I'm numb and past that already where the folks are concerned, where a white lie in place of a troublesome truth quickly suffices in an instant gratification kinda way.
"... there is only one sin, only one. And that is theft. Every other sin is a variation of theft. Do you understand that? When you kill a man, you steal a life."
"You steal his wife’s right to a husband, rob his children of a father. When you tell a lie, you steal someone’s right to the truth. When you cheat, you steal the right to fairness."
In that restless morning where I did have a really random and fleeting dream of meeting Assef the sociopath from The Kite Runner, as the light crept past the curtains while lying on the living room sofa, I wondered if this'll ever catch up with me one day. That, amidst listening to the myriad of interesting morning sounds of the postman shoving letters rhythmically into metallic mailboxes, rusty trolleys rolling along and bumping up kerbs and the ringing of bells on dog collars amongst other lively noises, which come along with living on the 2nd storey.
Just drift. :]
Quidquid latine dictum sit, altum sonatur. (Whatever said in Latin sounds profound.)
Audio Candy:
Yung Joc Feat. 3LW - 'Bout It
Showing posts with label cryptic emo shit. Show all posts
Showing posts with label cryptic emo shit. Show all posts
Thursday, 26 June 2008
Monday, 16 June 2008
In Too Deep, And Not Quite What I Thought
Oh dear, I can see her in my shoes.
There are 2 main types of commitment issues - one is being uneasy with the idea of commiting and thus having inertia in embarking on tasks and joining things, while the other is being unable to stick to what one has committed oneself to. One's commitment problem(s) is then either one or the other or a combination of both.
I happen to fall primarily under the first type of commitment problem, i.e. type-1 commitmentphobe. I just don't like the idea of having to be committed, but once I'm into something, I'll most probably stick to it and see it through.
I thought I knew better because I had the theory all in my head. Heck, some of them were stuff I even actively preach. But there are some things we can never truly comprehend without some experential learning. Looking back, I guess I wouldn't have expected myself to have known any of this, or known better.
Justin and I went to check out the IT/PC fair. It was a happy hunting ground for him because he managed to find the cheap HDMI monitors he was already looking out for, while it was disappointing for neutrals like me because there wasn't really much on offer for window shopping. Major brands like ViewSonic and Creative didn't even show up.
Storage devices are really going for cheap though. Before I left for Cambodia, I bought a 2gb micro SD card for about $30+, and they were going for $13 at the fair. :[
Other than that, probably the next most interesting device we chanced upon was the touchscreen monitor. But after watching some people test-drive it, we concluded that touchscreen monitors still have quite a way to go before they can be developed to a level of practicality that would suit the way we use personal computers. Besides, how would one be able to snack on chips and surf the net without staining the screen?
Now, this is seriously some shit-ass freaky stuff I saw on the train home:
There are 2 main types of commitment issues - one is being uneasy with the idea of commiting and thus having inertia in embarking on tasks and joining things, while the other is being unable to stick to what one has committed oneself to. One's commitment problem(s) is then either one or the other or a combination of both.
I happen to fall primarily under the first type of commitment problem, i.e. type-1 commitmentphobe. I just don't like the idea of having to be committed, but once I'm into something, I'll most probably stick to it and see it through.
I thought I knew better because I had the theory all in my head. Heck, some of them were stuff I even actively preach. But there are some things we can never truly comprehend without some experential learning. Looking back, I guess I wouldn't have expected myself to have known any of this, or known better.
Justin and I went to check out the IT/PC fair. It was a happy hunting ground for him because he managed to find the cheap HDMI monitors he was already looking out for, while it was disappointing for neutrals like me because there wasn't really much on offer for window shopping. Major brands like ViewSonic and Creative didn't even show up.
Storage devices are really going for cheap though. Before I left for Cambodia, I bought a 2gb micro SD card for about $30+, and they were going for $13 at the fair. :[
Other than that, probably the next most interesting device we chanced upon was the touchscreen monitor. But after watching some people test-drive it, we concluded that touchscreen monitors still have quite a way to go before they can be developed to a level of practicality that would suit the way we use personal computers. Besides, how would one be able to snack on chips and surf the net without staining the screen?
Now, this is seriously some shit-ass freaky stuff I saw on the train home:
And she was perfectly at ease standing that way.
I hope that after I die, people will say of me: "That guy sure owed me a lot of money."
- Jack Handey
Audio Candy:
Limp Bizkit - Behind Blue Eyes
Tuesday, 10 June 2008
Whoa, Okay
I'm surprised this took my breath away, kinda. But maybe I'm glad for some finality to it, or I'd still be foolishly flailing after nothing.
It's weird how we place our ideals on a pedestal until they become too exalted to be achieved. There is a painful, ensuing inferiority complex from the resignation due to the acceptance of fate.
Sunday, 4 May 2008
Cosmic Truths
As always, reliably, time cures even the sickest of souls, and although I am fully anticipative, I can surprise myself with my own strength and will; and the pointer shifts to the cross without a moment's hesitation and the window vanishes into oblivion with a click laden with conviction.
Watched 10-man Manchester United trash West Ham 4-1. It was painful watching West Ham labourously struggle against a team with fewer players. Ronaldo is just insane, getting his goal tally to 40 in this game. He's a true blue fox in the box without even having to be a permanent fixture as a boxed striker. I swear he probably got so tired scoring with his left foot, right foot, back heel, head etc that he tried to use his dick to score the 2nd goal.
I started a 6hr Scrabble marathon back on the good ol' ISC server when I got home and, over 20-30 games, lost only twice and got my rating all the way up from 700+ to almost 1000. It stands at 929 as of now. It's about time to put myself where I wouldn't be considered underrated.
In one psychology experiment, a man had electrodes wired to his brain and mild currents were discharged to certain areas to trigger movement from him. Interestingly, it seemed that his awareness was entirely post hoc, i.e. he would commit an action and then justify it. For example, when an electrical wave was passed that caused him to bend down, he would say that he was actually bending down so that he could pick up his shoe, not because he felt stupid doing what he did but because he earnestly believed that it was an action he had wanted to do.
This somewhat implies that do we our everyday actions, and then reactively attempt to justify why we do what we do. This means that free will itself (not just awareness) could all simply be a big farce - that we aren't exactly the master of ourselves and our actions. This Plato's Cave, Brain-in-the-Vat derivative is consistent of sorts with the fact that we do have reaction time lags - there is a split second difference between our thinking and movement so they aren't exactly in sync.
This seems to support the scientific school of thought that everything is predestined, and has its roots in the dynamics of quantum physics, along the lines of creationist and Big Bang theory and how its incidence is too coincidental (or minimally probable) to be an accidental occurrence, i.e. there was some form of predestiny assigned to everything by some kind of 'higher power'.
If that 'higher power' were personified, for example, to be a Christian God, then it terribly contradicts with the goodwill virtues of Christianity's idea of free will presented to all persons (the rhetoric that you have a choice to be saved - you will be saved if you want to be saved, blah blah). If we consider this 'higher power' to be a neutral force, then things could be a whole lot less complicated.
When I was at Borders the other day, I recalled a couple of books I'd read halfway the last time I was there (which was Chinese New Year's Eve) so I found them and continued where I left off. Astromony and physics and other collateral subjects have always fascinated me immensely.
It is said that the 'word of God' is in the cosmos. When you consider the story (or theory) of the birth of the Universe and Earth and life as we know it, the indirect work of whatever engineers everything can suddenly seem so clear. The less coincidental, more intended Big Bang aside, we can see how it can be most enticing to think of whoever or whatever made life possible as a man of God-like status by retelling the story of life.
It has been theorized that another heavenly body collided into Earth, causing shattered debris to form the moon which acts as a very important stabilising factor that ensures that the Earth spins at a specific angle. This specific angle enables the Earth to have a consistent climate and environmental stability. When these vital factors are sustainable and a balance is in place, atoms and molecules can then form complex compounds that begin to gain the ability to replicate. Some continue reproducing while others have errors in the copying process. A competition for survival then ensues, as organisms devise and submit blueprints for what they perceive as the ultimate survival plan, program, or machine.
I can almost picture someone, if I were to personify this 'higher power' as a manly person, peering at Earth and thinking, "yes, this is the one," and ordering a asteroid to be flung at it so that a moon can be created to create the motions of the oceans that would breathe life into a barren piece of huge cosmo rock. And maybe he has tried to do that to Mars, but the plan failed for some reason, and all we have on that planet is a small patch of ice.
The uncovering of the many natural mechanisms that are in place that allow things to happen the way they have is like having the secret of anything at all that matters whispered proudly into our keen yet naive ears.
Yes, it is indeed enticing to personify and anthropomorphize simply because we humans are a sentimental lot.
In about 14 hours I will be on a coach to Kuala Lumpur til next Friday, so tschuss for now!
What does this all mean? If it can come to this, then my heart, deadened by the mind, has no part to play, and perhaps we can justifiably say that untrustworthy emotions are the purest of illusions.
Philosophy is a game with objectives and no rules. Mathematics is a game with rules and no objectives.
Audio Candy:
Pensive - Live Fast
Watched 10-man Manchester United trash West Ham 4-1. It was painful watching West Ham labourously struggle against a team with fewer players. Ronaldo is just insane, getting his goal tally to 40 in this game. He's a true blue fox in the box without even having to be a permanent fixture as a boxed striker. I swear he probably got so tired scoring with his left foot, right foot, back heel, head etc that he tried to use his dick to score the 2nd goal.
I started a 6hr Scrabble marathon back on the good ol' ISC server when I got home and, over 20-30 games, lost only twice and got my rating all the way up from 700+ to almost 1000. It stands at 929 as of now. It's about time to put myself where I wouldn't be considered underrated.
In one psychology experiment, a man had electrodes wired to his brain and mild currents were discharged to certain areas to trigger movement from him. Interestingly, it seemed that his awareness was entirely post hoc, i.e. he would commit an action and then justify it. For example, when an electrical wave was passed that caused him to bend down, he would say that he was actually bending down so that he could pick up his shoe, not because he felt stupid doing what he did but because he earnestly believed that it was an action he had wanted to do.
This somewhat implies that do we our everyday actions, and then reactively attempt to justify why we do what we do. This means that free will itself (not just awareness) could all simply be a big farce - that we aren't exactly the master of ourselves and our actions. This Plato's Cave, Brain-in-the-Vat derivative is consistent of sorts with the fact that we do have reaction time lags - there is a split second difference between our thinking and movement so they aren't exactly in sync.
This seems to support the scientific school of thought that everything is predestined, and has its roots in the dynamics of quantum physics, along the lines of creationist and Big Bang theory and how its incidence is too coincidental (or minimally probable) to be an accidental occurrence, i.e. there was some form of predestiny assigned to everything by some kind of 'higher power'.
If that 'higher power' were personified, for example, to be a Christian God, then it terribly contradicts with the goodwill virtues of Christianity's idea of free will presented to all persons (the rhetoric that you have a choice to be saved - you will be saved if you want to be saved, blah blah). If we consider this 'higher power' to be a neutral force, then things could be a whole lot less complicated.
When I was at Borders the other day, I recalled a couple of books I'd read halfway the last time I was there (which was Chinese New Year's Eve) so I found them and continued where I left off. Astromony and physics and other collateral subjects have always fascinated me immensely.
It is said that the 'word of God' is in the cosmos. When you consider the story (or theory) of the birth of the Universe and Earth and life as we know it, the indirect work of whatever engineers everything can suddenly seem so clear. The less coincidental, more intended Big Bang aside, we can see how it can be most enticing to think of whoever or whatever made life possible as a man of God-like status by retelling the story of life.
It has been theorized that another heavenly body collided into Earth, causing shattered debris to form the moon which acts as a very important stabilising factor that ensures that the Earth spins at a specific angle. This specific angle enables the Earth to have a consistent climate and environmental stability. When these vital factors are sustainable and a balance is in place, atoms and molecules can then form complex compounds that begin to gain the ability to replicate. Some continue reproducing while others have errors in the copying process. A competition for survival then ensues, as organisms devise and submit blueprints for what they perceive as the ultimate survival plan, program, or machine.
I can almost picture someone, if I were to personify this 'higher power' as a manly person, peering at Earth and thinking, "yes, this is the one," and ordering a asteroid to be flung at it so that a moon can be created to create the motions of the oceans that would breathe life into a barren piece of huge cosmo rock. And maybe he has tried to do that to Mars, but the plan failed for some reason, and all we have on that planet is a small patch of ice.
The uncovering of the many natural mechanisms that are in place that allow things to happen the way they have is like having the secret of anything at all that matters whispered proudly into our keen yet naive ears.
Yes, it is indeed enticing to personify and anthropomorphize simply because we humans are a sentimental lot.
In about 14 hours I will be on a coach to Kuala Lumpur til next Friday, so tschuss for now!
What does this all mean? If it can come to this, then my heart, deadened by the mind, has no part to play, and perhaps we can justifiably say that untrustworthy emotions are the purest of illusions.
Philosophy is a game with objectives and no rules. Mathematics is a game with rules and no objectives.
Audio Candy:
Pensive - Live Fast
Thursday, 1 May 2008
R.E.M. (Rapid Eye Movement, Or Random Emo Moments)
And even now, weak as it sounds, I'm still reeling each time I ponder about how everything has turned out, each blow that has turned on itself, and wonder pointlessly whether I could or should have done anything differently. Points in two cases tell me it's no one-off coincidence.
I have the edgy, muffled sensation in my head telling me I had a dream with it's cheekily planted remnants of something that was there - a setting, some people, a vague notion of what might've happened - but as always I'm always one to rarely recall or know what I dream about. I think on average I am aware of 1 dream per 1 or 2 months. It's not that I don't dream - REM research has found that people on average have up to 7 dreams a night - it's just that my sleep's probably usually deep enough that what's from my subconscious stays hidden. And when it doesn't stay hidden, and a little information overflows and trickles out, the frustrating feeling of any attempt to recollect, mostly out of curiosity, the great unfolding of these little suddenly created mental storybooks (that seem to be as quickly eradicated into my conscious oblivion) can be likened to seeing the tail of a very big and fast monster slip past a corner. By the time you rush to that bend to see what it was, it's gone. All I have left is that fleeting notion of knowing something was there, and I attempt to rebuild a story based on what I think the monster would've looked like from an imagination founded on past experiences.
And even more queerly, as time passes and I do not exercise any thought to anchor the sight of the 'tail' down, I begin to rapidly forget the colour and shape of it; then the dream becomes yet another one that got away, like ghosts that revel and dance under the steal of darkness and dreadedly shun the accusatory glare of daylight.
Under psychology we learn that dreams are important as a form of reorganising of mental data - of stuff we talk about and see in the day, and those secondary judgments that our subconscious mind makes from peripheral experiences that we haven't consciously come to terms with yet. It's kinda like a library. In the day, books are taken off the shelves, their information required for many purposes. And then they're either placed back in the wrong shelves or left all over the place. After the library closes (and the dreaming starts), the books need to arranged back properly so that the next day's referencing and reading activities can go on as efficiently as possible. A person has REM (rapid eye movement) when he or she dreams, so it has been found that when a person's dreaming gets interrupted, the incidence of REM will increase the next time around. Whenever a person continually gets his or her access to dreaming denied, he or she will end up being forgetful or incoherent in thought when awake.
Since it's 1330 on a lazy Labour Day, let me write about some friend's dreams I have starred in. I might get some plots totally wrong but hey I'm the star; balls to the accuracy of unreality!
Jacq's Dream
I'm not sure what this dream was about, but I appeared in it as a big, old, sage-like talking tree, like in Lord of the Rings.
Sab's Superhero Dream
Apparently Sab was some superhero, and she was fighting terrorists and there were other supervillains and superheroes. And I happened to pledge allegiance to the dark side by being Grasshopperman. Basically, other than being green, I could 'teleport' long distances by turning into a grasshopper. I also ended up crawling under her skin.
Wendy's Psychology Class Gathering Dream
Wendy was having a NTU psychology class gathering when I appeared out of nowhere and pulled her with me and we starting running after a bus because it had something inside which I wanted to show her. When we caught the bus and got in, there were fishes inside, and I told her to look at them. Then the fishes died.
Til now nothing quite keeps me occupied in a fit of daydreaming as thinking about soccer. Sometimes, I can seriously spend up to 30mins straight just imagining moves, juggling sequences and dribbling patterns, and trying to conjure up some of my own in my head.
Soccer can be like chess sometimes. There are certain positions you and your opponent players can be in, and you'll find that they can never get the ball off you without committing a foul. And there are certain situations that occur which enable the team to get into an inspired, in-the-zone moment, and everyone will start playing like Arsenal or Real Madrid. It takes creativity and footballing genius to get into these situations, and arrange your opponents into positions that can be easily taken out.
And sometimes, I can achieve a state which I term 'mental vacuum'. It's a state of being totally awake and yet totally not consciously thinking about anything. And sometimes, in a sickening way, I can get stuck in it, 'refusing' to snap out of it (though refusing isn't quite the right word to use since it, in the sense of the word, is an activity that requires conscious effort), and on hindsight it can feel like I'm dead while alive for those few moments.
And then you reappear suddenly just as I've convinced myself that I'm through with these thoughts that only serve to poison when they linger, and honestly I might be taking it more affectedly than I guess I should. It sickens me of sorts that maybe I'm choosing to let it be this way, because I can't bear to let go or some other excuse along those silly lines. But then again, it's also different because now it's like I have whatever it is in my hands, at once observable and manipulable - a blasphemous marriage of the actor and spectator - and before long that smirk spreads itself across my lips once again.
If at first you don't succeed, destroy all evidence that you tried.
Audio Candy:
Melee - Built To Last
I have the edgy, muffled sensation in my head telling me I had a dream with it's cheekily planted remnants of something that was there - a setting, some people, a vague notion of what might've happened - but as always I'm always one to rarely recall or know what I dream about. I think on average I am aware of 1 dream per 1 or 2 months. It's not that I don't dream - REM research has found that people on average have up to 7 dreams a night - it's just that my sleep's probably usually deep enough that what's from my subconscious stays hidden. And when it doesn't stay hidden, and a little information overflows and trickles out, the frustrating feeling of any attempt to recollect, mostly out of curiosity, the great unfolding of these little suddenly created mental storybooks (that seem to be as quickly eradicated into my conscious oblivion) can be likened to seeing the tail of a very big and fast monster slip past a corner. By the time you rush to that bend to see what it was, it's gone. All I have left is that fleeting notion of knowing something was there, and I attempt to rebuild a story based on what I think the monster would've looked like from an imagination founded on past experiences.
And even more queerly, as time passes and I do not exercise any thought to anchor the sight of the 'tail' down, I begin to rapidly forget the colour and shape of it; then the dream becomes yet another one that got away, like ghosts that revel and dance under the steal of darkness and dreadedly shun the accusatory glare of daylight.
Under psychology we learn that dreams are important as a form of reorganising of mental data - of stuff we talk about and see in the day, and those secondary judgments that our subconscious mind makes from peripheral experiences that we haven't consciously come to terms with yet. It's kinda like a library. In the day, books are taken off the shelves, their information required for many purposes. And then they're either placed back in the wrong shelves or left all over the place. After the library closes (and the dreaming starts), the books need to arranged back properly so that the next day's referencing and reading activities can go on as efficiently as possible. A person has REM (rapid eye movement) when he or she dreams, so it has been found that when a person's dreaming gets interrupted, the incidence of REM will increase the next time around. Whenever a person continually gets his or her access to dreaming denied, he or she will end up being forgetful or incoherent in thought when awake.
Since it's 1330 on a lazy Labour Day, let me write about some friend's dreams I have starred in. I might get some plots totally wrong but hey I'm the star; balls to the accuracy of unreality!
Jacq's Dream
I'm not sure what this dream was about, but I appeared in it as a big, old, sage-like talking tree, like in Lord of the Rings.
Sab's Superhero Dream
Apparently Sab was some superhero, and she was fighting terrorists and there were other supervillains and superheroes. And I happened to pledge allegiance to the dark side by being Grasshopperman. Basically, other than being green, I could 'teleport' long distances by turning into a grasshopper. I also ended up crawling under her skin.
Wendy's Psychology Class Gathering Dream
Wendy was having a NTU psychology class gathering when I appeared out of nowhere and pulled her with me and we starting running after a bus because it had something inside which I wanted to show her. When we caught the bus and got in, there were fishes inside, and I told her to look at them. Then the fishes died.
Til now nothing quite keeps me occupied in a fit of daydreaming as thinking about soccer. Sometimes, I can seriously spend up to 30mins straight just imagining moves, juggling sequences and dribbling patterns, and trying to conjure up some of my own in my head.
Soccer can be like chess sometimes. There are certain positions you and your opponent players can be in, and you'll find that they can never get the ball off you without committing a foul. And there are certain situations that occur which enable the team to get into an inspired, in-the-zone moment, and everyone will start playing like Arsenal or Real Madrid. It takes creativity and footballing genius to get into these situations, and arrange your opponents into positions that can be easily taken out.
And sometimes, I can achieve a state which I term 'mental vacuum'. It's a state of being totally awake and yet totally not consciously thinking about anything. And sometimes, in a sickening way, I can get stuck in it, 'refusing' to snap out of it (though refusing isn't quite the right word to use since it, in the sense of the word, is an activity that requires conscious effort), and on hindsight it can feel like I'm dead while alive for those few moments.
And then you reappear suddenly just as I've convinced myself that I'm through with these thoughts that only serve to poison when they linger, and honestly I might be taking it more affectedly than I guess I should. It sickens me of sorts that maybe I'm choosing to let it be this way, because I can't bear to let go or some other excuse along those silly lines. But then again, it's also different because now it's like I have whatever it is in my hands, at once observable and manipulable - a blasphemous marriage of the actor and spectator - and before long that smirk spreads itself across my lips once again.
If at first you don't succeed, destroy all evidence that you tried.
Audio Candy:
Melee - Built To Last
Tuesday, 8 April 2008
Paradox
And I realised I had stared far too long when an abrupt, electric snap of chemistry signalled that our eyes met for more than just a brief moment, and I found myself desperately scrambling to look away. But I do not regret the awkwardness. There was an honest air of curiosity about the way she looked, with a fleeting delicateness and fragility amidst her relatively tall physique that was contributed nonetheless by her almost pale fair skin and a voice that had a somewhat shaky undertone to it, although she tries to hide all of this with an upright stature that spoke of an ironic confidence. She is not without flaw, but which makes her all the more immaculate and at once suddenly alluring. I am then reminded of how we can never truly suppress what resides within with what we hold dear as truths; things we'd like to think we are made of, all within that brief flurry of frivolous captivation.
Because I totally have no computer so work with anymore now (other than the ones in the school library with absolutely horrid internet connectivity), I have reverted to more traditional forms of entertainment, such as watching TV and reading. Actually, ‘reverted’ doesn’t give credit where it’s due. I kinda think that if you can get off the computer in this day and age and read a proper book, it’s really quite a wonderful form of trascendence, rising above past the glut of cyberspace over-reliance.
And I ended up conversing more with people the past few nights via SMS without the convenience of MSN. It’s kinda like road safety perhaps. Because of the high amount of traffic rules and road regulations, people take safety for granted and drive more recklessly as a result. The name of the paradox escapes me now, but it’s the idea that the more insured we are, the more likely we’ll end up in an accident.
I also started reading, to my detriment, The Picture of Dorian Gray that Angie gave me a few months back. Seriously not the best of times to get hooked on a novel - albeit a short one - but it is such a brilliant book that I cannot help but stay engrossed. I’ll give my take when I’m done.
Sometimes I even find myself puzzling, so I don’t blame my friends for being bemused with the things I do. I detest institutions, knowingly or not, and am clear of myself to this end of self-awareness. And always on hindsight I am proven right this way. My natural tendency to refuse to study where studying should be – in GSRs, libraries, at home – and instead mugging out in the open where noise and distraction is abound is one. My personal need for a great deal of egocentricity in a world of social dictates is but another. I’d dance my heart out on a tightrope in living out my whims a day before my exams, and it wouldn’t skip a beat. But this life-sized paradox is the way I see life as I think it should be, and am quite amused by the disapproving bewilderment I am confronted with on occasion.
Some of the world's greatest feats were accomplished by people not smart enough to know they were impossible.
Audio Candy:
The Hush Sound - Wine Red
Because I totally have no computer so work with anymore now (other than the ones in the school library with absolutely horrid internet connectivity), I have reverted to more traditional forms of entertainment, such as watching TV and reading. Actually, ‘reverted’ doesn’t give credit where it’s due. I kinda think that if you can get off the computer in this day and age and read a proper book, it’s really quite a wonderful form of trascendence, rising above past the glut of cyberspace over-reliance.
And I ended up conversing more with people the past few nights via SMS without the convenience of MSN. It’s kinda like road safety perhaps. Because of the high amount of traffic rules and road regulations, people take safety for granted and drive more recklessly as a result. The name of the paradox escapes me now, but it’s the idea that the more insured we are, the more likely we’ll end up in an accident.
I also started reading, to my detriment, The Picture of Dorian Gray that Angie gave me a few months back. Seriously not the best of times to get hooked on a novel - albeit a short one - but it is such a brilliant book that I cannot help but stay engrossed. I’ll give my take when I’m done.
Sometimes I even find myself puzzling, so I don’t blame my friends for being bemused with the things I do. I detest institutions, knowingly or not, and am clear of myself to this end of self-awareness. And always on hindsight I am proven right this way. My natural tendency to refuse to study where studying should be – in GSRs, libraries, at home – and instead mugging out in the open where noise and distraction is abound is one. My personal need for a great deal of egocentricity in a world of social dictates is but another. I’d dance my heart out on a tightrope in living out my whims a day before my exams, and it wouldn’t skip a beat. But this life-sized paradox is the way I see life as I think it should be, and am quite amused by the disapproving bewilderment I am confronted with on occasion.
Some of the world's greatest feats were accomplished by people not smart enough to know they were impossible.
Audio Candy:
The Hush Sound - Wine Red
Sunday, 6 April 2008
Penultimate
We had our last BGS session on Friday by rounding up the 2nd half of the class presentations. And our usually somewhat slack prof showed us what he's made of when he attacked the statistical flaws of one of the groups' presentations. He then said that in statistics, especially when it's at our 'intro to stats' kinda level, either you forget everything from here on, or you continue and progress, because in particular for statistics, too little knowledge can be very dangerous.
Friday marked the last day of Früjch, which was accompanied by Starry Nite. EIC came down for a polished, vintage performance and Richard's band wrapped things up for the night. Pretty decent fun. But I thought the Indian band with their grunge metal music kinda stole the show, peaking with Metallica's Enter Sandman, especially when their extremely exuberant, charismatic and crazy frontman did his antics to work the crowd.
Justin and his friend Mike didn't win over any fans with their drunken displays though and had to be pulled off by some people I'd presume to be security. But they were really funny and added quite a bit of unexpected colour to the event.
Prata that night at the prata place near school, then supper again on Saturday night at Rachel's recommendation of 85 Bedok for bak chor mee. Before that, Angie and I tried to mug at the airport, but after coming up with a host of excuses not to, we ended up exploring T3. I saw this auntie carrying some flat box, so I was like, "ok cool, doughnuts." Then I saw the label and realised it read "PIE KIA". Genius.
Then we went to Simpang Bedok to catch the Arsenal vs Liverpool game, which ended 1-1 so goodbye to Arsenal's hopes of Premiership victory more or less.
Along the way, we passed by a company utility van which had the company name, SIR, on it, which had one of the stupidest slogans I've ever seen just under it: "we don't know the meaning of 'no'". Angie was like saying that we should then ask them, "so, do you know the meaning of 'no'?" Let's see what crap they'd hafta come up with.
Kok: "I'm Chang. Beer Chang." (referring to the Beer Chang Thai tshirt he's wearing)
(turns around and crashes into chair.)
Some random frisbeeing and Xboxing at Rachel's place til 1+am, then home.
Sometimes, to preserve our personal status quos, we do things differently with different people. We bite our tongues with some on issues, ideas, topics and stuff we'd otherwise spill our guts out with others.
I've been having a decent amount of sleep but somehow it just never seems enough.
Virtue is its own reward, but then so is sin.
Audio Candy:
Velvet Revolver - Set Me Free
Friday marked the last day of Früjch, which was accompanied by Starry Nite. EIC came down for a polished, vintage performance and Richard's band wrapped things up for the night. Pretty decent fun. But I thought the Indian band with their grunge metal music kinda stole the show, peaking with Metallica's Enter Sandman, especially when their extremely exuberant, charismatic and crazy frontman did his antics to work the crowd.
Justin and his friend Mike didn't win over any fans with their drunken displays though and had to be pulled off by some people I'd presume to be security. But they were really funny and added quite a bit of unexpected colour to the event.
Prata that night at the prata place near school, then supper again on Saturday night at Rachel's recommendation of 85 Bedok for bak chor mee. Before that, Angie and I tried to mug at the airport, but after coming up with a host of excuses not to, we ended up exploring T3. I saw this auntie carrying some flat box, so I was like, "ok cool, doughnuts." Then I saw the label and realised it read "PIE KIA". Genius.
Then we went to Simpang Bedok to catch the Arsenal vs Liverpool game, which ended 1-1 so goodbye to Arsenal's hopes of Premiership victory more or less.
Along the way, we passed by a company utility van which had the company name, SIR, on it, which had one of the stupidest slogans I've ever seen just under it: "we don't know the meaning of 'no'". Angie was like saying that we should then ask them, "so, do you know the meaning of 'no'?" Let's see what crap they'd hafta come up with.
Kok: "I'm Chang. Beer Chang." (referring to the Beer Chang Thai tshirt he's wearing)
(turns around and crashes into chair.)
Some random frisbeeing and Xboxing at Rachel's place til 1+am, then home.
Sometimes, to preserve our personal status quos, we do things differently with different people. We bite our tongues with some on issues, ideas, topics and stuff we'd otherwise spill our guts out with others.
I've been having a decent amount of sleep but somehow it just never seems enough.
Virtue is its own reward, but then so is sin.
Audio Candy:
Velvet Revolver - Set Me Free
Thursday, 3 April 2008
The First To The Final
This week is the last run of lessons before school's out for the study break next week and subsequent final exams. Econs has been fading and has duly faded away into oblivion as our AskDrMoney prof Larry Haverkamp (yeh he's an economics journalist for The Newpaper) rushed through yet another 376.2 chapters again and abruptly wrapped things up, much to our bewilderment. But nothing new there.
Tuesday also marked the end of the political science intro class under Rahul Sagar. Things wouldn't be so darn sentimental if he wasn't moving away to teach in Princeton, but alas, yes he's leaving SMU. Apparently, Princeton made the top graduate from Harvard an offer he couldn't possibly resist, and who can blame the dude? He'd be really underemployed if he stayed. I'm not particularly proud of thinking that way (in a "we're only second-rate and we're not good enough for him" manner), but that's the reality of the situation I guess.
So we're planning on throwing a party for him after the finals are over. Things are still in the email planning phase (read: LOTS OF SPAM), but we're thinking of baguettes, for his favourite obsession with French political quirks, and whiteboard markers, cos he never has them when he needs them. But yeh he'd be one teacher I'd do this anytime for. I'd love to be able to meet him for a talk about majors and future prospects not only pertaining to political science but social sciences in general as well. I'm particularly curious about what going into academics will entail.
That leaves BGS for tomorrow, where the remainder of the class that hasn't presented last week will be presenting tomorrow. I could've started studying since last Sunday but there's still that pesky BGS report to deal with that keeps gnawing at the back of my mind. The most of this week has surrounded meeting up and working on the report, so hopefully we'll be done by tomorrow so we can bury it dead for once.
Starry Nite, that final-day-of-school pre-exam rock concert, will be on tomorrow too. Richard's performing with his band, Lost in Slumber, this time around. I was slacking around big time in school today with Jacq and Mikaela and I inevitably eavesdropped a little on their conversation as they recalled and talked about the last Starry Nite, which was the exact same kinda time and day last term as tomorrow.
I'm quite amazed at the detail of recollection the both of them managed to come up with. From what people wore to what happened - Früjch, the broken bag, the heels, the CCA room, etc - they were retelling the story of Starry Nite part I in such vibrant colours that a lot of it came flashing back to me as well.
And I guess what really strikes is the distinct notion of change as things are different now from they were just a few months ago, and as Jacq was saying, it really felt as if it was all just yesterday. In a way of looking at it, it's as if as each Starry Nite comes and goes, each one will symbolise a particular moment or phase in time and will have its own story to tell.
I recall my own side of the story too, and it really makes me wonder how on earth things have unfolded this way, because it's quite inexplicable to say the least. In all honesty, it is so weird it is seriously puzzling. That was the first time, and the best time, and I guess I really had my hopes up but time and again they come hurtling down, only that each time it crashes lower and lower, til I'm reaching a point of resignation and apathy. I can only speculate, and I can only choose whether or not to wait.
The laptop's headed for the tech tomorrow as well, so it'll be a while without a computer for me for real this time. Hopefully this induces some degree of studying. 2+ more weeks to socially-accepted slacking.
If you are going to walk on thin ice, you might as well dance.
Audio Candy:
Colbie Caillat - Bubbly
Tuesday also marked the end of the political science intro class under Rahul Sagar. Things wouldn't be so darn sentimental if he wasn't moving away to teach in Princeton, but alas, yes he's leaving SMU. Apparently, Princeton made the top graduate from Harvard an offer he couldn't possibly resist, and who can blame the dude? He'd be really underemployed if he stayed. I'm not particularly proud of thinking that way (in a "we're only second-rate and we're not good enough for him" manner), but that's the reality of the situation I guess.
So we're planning on throwing a party for him after the finals are over. Things are still in the email planning phase (read: LOTS OF SPAM), but we're thinking of baguettes, for his favourite obsession with French political quirks, and whiteboard markers, cos he never has them when he needs them. But yeh he'd be one teacher I'd do this anytime for. I'd love to be able to meet him for a talk about majors and future prospects not only pertaining to political science but social sciences in general as well. I'm particularly curious about what going into academics will entail.
That leaves BGS for tomorrow, where the remainder of the class that hasn't presented last week will be presenting tomorrow. I could've started studying since last Sunday but there's still that pesky BGS report to deal with that keeps gnawing at the back of my mind. The most of this week has surrounded meeting up and working on the report, so hopefully we'll be done by tomorrow so we can bury it dead for once.
Starry Nite, that final-day-of-school pre-exam rock concert, will be on tomorrow too. Richard's performing with his band, Lost in Slumber, this time around. I was slacking around big time in school today with Jacq and Mikaela and I inevitably eavesdropped a little on their conversation as they recalled and talked about the last Starry Nite, which was the exact same kinda time and day last term as tomorrow.
I'm quite amazed at the detail of recollection the both of them managed to come up with. From what people wore to what happened - Früjch, the broken bag, the heels, the CCA room, etc - they were retelling the story of Starry Nite part I in such vibrant colours that a lot of it came flashing back to me as well.
And I guess what really strikes is the distinct notion of change as things are different now from they were just a few months ago, and as Jacq was saying, it really felt as if it was all just yesterday. In a way of looking at it, it's as if as each Starry Nite comes and goes, each one will symbolise a particular moment or phase in time and will have its own story to tell.
I recall my own side of the story too, and it really makes me wonder how on earth things have unfolded this way, because it's quite inexplicable to say the least. In all honesty, it is so weird it is seriously puzzling. That was the first time, and the best time, and I guess I really had my hopes up but time and again they come hurtling down, only that each time it crashes lower and lower, til I'm reaching a point of resignation and apathy. I can only speculate, and I can only choose whether or not to wait.
The laptop's headed for the tech tomorrow as well, so it'll be a while without a computer for me for real this time. Hopefully this induces some degree of studying. 2+ more weeks to socially-accepted slacking.
If you are going to walk on thin ice, you might as well dance.
Audio Candy:
Colbie Caillat - Bubbly
Wednesday, 26 March 2008
Divergent Interpretations
Our clothes mismatch as much as our thoughts
Voices drown out the room
As people go hand in hand, paired
But I linger
Let the voices fade
And you're left, emerged solitarily
Those are some nice shoes
We'll laugh at the party people below from above
Been barely sleeping the past few days, so when there's finally no school again today I slept in til 1400h. Went to school to complete my political science term paper and attend yet another BGS meeting, and then got home rather early. I hardly did anything interesting today and the day seriously felt damn short.
The school connection has been fsckin' up the past few days (or maybe it screwed up bad enough today to feel that way) which kinda disrupted my research a bit. But I've wondered what it'd be like to write a paper without the internet. It'd be crazy I guess not to have all that wealth of information at your disposal, of having to run from shelf to shelf and library to library looking for the journals and articles you need.
I was quite 'in the zone' so I managed to complete my political science term paper, Is Democracy A Universal Value?, in 3 days. I'd attribute it significantly to the fact that I do not have a functional laptop at the moment. Having to rely on the library computers means that I have to get my work done by a certain time and this deadline-peppered daily life kinda ensures that, which isn't all that a bad thing I suppose.
I think I'm starting to get it on how to write social science-related papers, and I must say I actually enjoyed writing my term paper.
Anyway, references and citations really make my crap essays look like graduate school thesis papers.
On a random note, life is somewhat at worst, a constant struggle; at best, never straightforward. I'm just mindboggled sometimes by the infinite possibilities and paths any of us can choose to walk which would have a profound effect on everything else around us, and the past and existence and everything thus far is a very neat unfolding summary of the choices we make and the things we do. Living is never smooth-sailing. Things may seem straightforward for the conformist, but that does not mean he is not presented with choices.
Don't anthropomorphize computers - they hate it.
Audio Candy:
Dixie Chicks - Travelin' Soldier
Voices drown out the room
As people go hand in hand, paired
But I linger
Let the voices fade
And you're left, emerged solitarily
Those are some nice shoes
We'll laugh at the party people below from above
Been barely sleeping the past few days, so when there's finally no school again today I slept in til 1400h. Went to school to complete my political science term paper and attend yet another BGS meeting, and then got home rather early. I hardly did anything interesting today and the day seriously felt damn short.
The school connection has been fsckin' up the past few days (or maybe it screwed up bad enough today to feel that way) which kinda disrupted my research a bit. But I've wondered what it'd be like to write a paper without the internet. It'd be crazy I guess not to have all that wealth of information at your disposal, of having to run from shelf to shelf and library to library looking for the journals and articles you need.
I was quite 'in the zone' so I managed to complete my political science term paper, Is Democracy A Universal Value?, in 3 days. I'd attribute it significantly to the fact that I do not have a functional laptop at the moment. Having to rely on the library computers means that I have to get my work done by a certain time and this deadline-peppered daily life kinda ensures that, which isn't all that a bad thing I suppose.
I think I'm starting to get it on how to write social science-related papers, and I must say I actually enjoyed writing my term paper.
Anyway, references and citations really make my crap essays look like graduate school thesis papers.
On a random note, life is somewhat at worst, a constant struggle; at best, never straightforward. I'm just mindboggled sometimes by the infinite possibilities and paths any of us can choose to walk which would have a profound effect on everything else around us, and the past and existence and everything thus far is a very neat unfolding summary of the choices we make and the things we do. Living is never smooth-sailing. Things may seem straightforward for the conformist, but that does not mean he is not presented with choices.
Don't anthropomorphize computers - they hate it.
Audio Candy:
Dixie Chicks - Travelin' Soldier
Sunday, 23 March 2008
Epiphaniac
Sat through my first international game today - Singapore vs Australia at the old National Stadium - though I was only present for half a game because the match, for some stupid reason or other, started much earlier than the stated time on the ticket and also because I had to queue 20 minutes for KFC which ate into the match time.
There wasn't much to cheer about, only a lot to groan, whine and bitch about considering the number of clear cut chances that Singapore had and squandered. It's really matches like these that make you wish you could be on the pitch playing so badly instead of those chickens monkeying around such that you feel like you're gonna implode on yourself. One other team that never fails to make me feel this way is Newcastle.
Rachel was quite enthusiastic and the others were going on about it and teasing her quite a bit, but soon enough I started getting quite animated myself. Yins, Mikaela and Angie were clearly quite amused for very irrelevant reasons.
The game ended goal-less. The rain really killed things I think. The atmosphere could've been so much better. Catching the Singapore vs Lebanon qualifier match on wednesday; I'm really hoping quite badly that it'll be a great deal better than today's.
Although I've already decided on 'Is Democracy A Universal Value?' for my political science term paper, I've been struggling to simply get started on it since over a week ago. So I decided to try pretending that I was gonna blog on it like some other random pointless topic by typing it out using blogger.com, and everything just started coming out. And I'm quite damn amazed. Just like how I get mental constipation from attempting to do work in the library, using a formal program like Microsoft Word to work on my essay causes my mind to simply shut off because, well it's no surprise anyway, I hate the idea of doing work.
I have interestingly just managed to fool myself. Hmm.
This unofficial 1-week break is effectively screwing up my whole sleeping cycle. I feel as if, without the civiling influence of school and institutional order, I'm naturally revertible to being nocturnal. Can't help it; night time is preciously zen.
And so I start to forget about it and move on, just like that. And when you think about how hard it is, especially perhaps for girls to do so, it makes me wonder what kinda quantum leap it takes for us to be convinced enough to see the light and take the more enlightened path; the path that would have less pointless self-induced suffering. We're inherently wired differently.
And come to think of it, why did I even have those different states of mind? Why did it have to take such circumstances of rude awakenings and the like before I could have a change of heart? Why couldn't it be a matter of my own will to not get trapped? What kinda will power does it take? It is so fascinating. We are truly such experential creatures at the end of the day. :]
Intel has announced its next chip: the Repentium.
Audio Candy:
Stereophonics - Have A Nice Day
There wasn't much to cheer about, only a lot to groan, whine and bitch about considering the number of clear cut chances that Singapore had and squandered. It's really matches like these that make you wish you could be on the pitch playing so badly instead of those chickens monkeying around such that you feel like you're gonna implode on yourself. One other team that never fails to make me feel this way is Newcastle.
Rachel was quite enthusiastic and the others were going on about it and teasing her quite a bit, but soon enough I started getting quite animated myself. Yins, Mikaela and Angie were clearly quite amused for very irrelevant reasons.
The game ended goal-less. The rain really killed things I think. The atmosphere could've been so much better. Catching the Singapore vs Lebanon qualifier match on wednesday; I'm really hoping quite badly that it'll be a great deal better than today's.
Although I've already decided on 'Is Democracy A Universal Value?' for my political science term paper, I've been struggling to simply get started on it since over a week ago. So I decided to try pretending that I was gonna blog on it like some other random pointless topic by typing it out using blogger.com, and everything just started coming out. And I'm quite damn amazed. Just like how I get mental constipation from attempting to do work in the library, using a formal program like Microsoft Word to work on my essay causes my mind to simply shut off because, well it's no surprise anyway, I hate the idea of doing work.
I have interestingly just managed to fool myself. Hmm.
This unofficial 1-week break is effectively screwing up my whole sleeping cycle. I feel as if, without the civiling influence of school and institutional order, I'm naturally revertible to being nocturnal. Can't help it; night time is preciously zen.
And so I start to forget about it and move on, just like that. And when you think about how hard it is, especially perhaps for girls to do so, it makes me wonder what kinda quantum leap it takes for us to be convinced enough to see the light and take the more enlightened path; the path that would have less pointless self-induced suffering. We're inherently wired differently.
And come to think of it, why did I even have those different states of mind? Why did it have to take such circumstances of rude awakenings and the like before I could have a change of heart? Why couldn't it be a matter of my own will to not get trapped? What kinda will power does it take? It is so fascinating. We are truly such experential creatures at the end of the day. :]
Intel has announced its next chip: the Repentium.
Audio Candy:
Stereophonics - Have A Nice Day
Friday, 21 March 2008
Double, Triple, Multiple
This picture kinda undermines the decayed state that these pair of street soccer shoes are in. There are like 2 holes per shoe and the biggest hole can fit 4 of my fingers. Decided to snap a shot because these are my tournament-winning shoes and I was gonna throw them away. And also because I'm a sentimental freak in a weird way.
I watched Mean Girls at Jacq's yesterday. Mikaela, Angie and Jacq have (obviously) watched it before, but they still enjoyed it while I caught it for the first time. Now I can say my life is more complete perhaps for having accomplished sitting through something like this. I think the Lebanese girl is quite damn kickass, and the 'bad ass' mathlete rapper is really quite funny.
Had a JC class BBQ gathering at David's pretty swanky place in Woodlands, and the turnout was mind-blowing at 10 guys and 4 girls. I'm not even being sarcastic here. Most other times no girls will bother showing up at all. But I guess I'm starting to really hate BBQs.
Rushed down to Gardens after that to meet Ursula and her friend Cheryl, who could do some pretty neat card tricks. And met a whole buncha other people along the way - Qianyi, Sahfahri, Meiting, Stanley; all at random places around Gardens - testament to a happening Good Friday night. Too bad it's quite lost on me.
It's funny. Ursula is a girl who studies in Australia whom I've never met before, though we converse every now and then online. And we were talking like we've known each other for the longest time.
Time and again, I'm convinced that I'm really defined by the game I continue to play. And each time I'm done, I know I've pulled it off once more without even needing to try, because they come back to me exactly where I left off. But there is no re-evaluating chance for something like this, considering how far I've gone. Maybe someday, it'll catch up on me and rip me to shreds, just like it might for anyone else less.
Maintaining a complicated life is a great way to avoid changing it.
Audio Candy:
Radiohead - Let Down
Tuesday, 11 March 2008
Silent Hammer
Yitwen notched 11 people asking about his dressing, a ridiculously colourful cap, a small black, camou bermudas and that ugly kinda laptop bag, which he wore for 5 days as part of social experiment #1. Mikaela came closest at guessing 10 people would notice. Bahhh.
The steamboat-that-never-was day was seriously the shit. Got down to Marina Bay with Mikaela, Angie, Jacq and Yitwen and took the wrong bus - 402 - to end up at this pier place where you can take a ferry to Batam. Angie tried to ask the bus driver for directions but he avoided her like the plague which was really hilarious. I bought a curry puff there, Yitwen had to up that by buying 2 (which he had trouble finishing) and Mikaela flung one of them for whatever reason.
So we took 402 back to Marina Bay and took the correct bus this time - 400 - to finally head down to the famous steamboat place. However, after a long ride (punctuated by my really small, stupid and irrelevant epiphanies along the way), we ended up back at Marina Bay, so everyone was like wtf and Rachel went to ask the driver what happened, to which he replied that its closed already. So Rachel asked, "why you never tell us?" To which the gh3yass prick replied, "walk walk see see lah!"
wtf mannnnnnn.
Had rice with dishes instead at some hawker centre near Clarke Quay where the aunties call their lime juice "lum joo".
It's fascinating seeing how such seemingly fantastical concepts such as today's topics of realism and liberalism in political science class can be manifested in the affairs of the state and international relations such as the US war on Iraq triggered off by 9/11.
School work is catching me off guard again, and I'm surviving off the recesses of adrenaline to stay awake in class. Every monday and tuesday my sleeping cycle crashes back to a reset. Thankfully there's only a month left before some really hardcore holidays.
Independence is my gift and curse. Random. I don't quite know what to make of it, but while I feel extremely compelled to state my case, I know that at the same time, a multitude of things - that just by being who I am, I'm a biased entity; that you probably can't say for sure; that you probably don't really care; that it seriously doesn't matter anyway; that you might not have even meant it; that it could all just be a joke or test - will happen to conspire my deliberated apathy, but at the same time I guess that maybe you know it matters to me and it leaves in me a bitter aftertaste that won't go away. Like a loaded question, I stand implicitly accused without a refuting chance. Without reeking of sounding uptight and edgy. Which leaves me stuck either way - action or inaction.
I'm apprehensive about throwing down my trump cards also.
Haha. Well I suppose it really sucks saying that it doesn't affect me when my actions have spoken ahead of me in contradiction. I'll just buy myself time by tolerating the indecision. Random. Sometimes we say we're okay when we're not okay, and sometimes we say we're sorry when we're not.
Flattery looks like friendship, just like a wolf looks like a dog.
Audio Candy:
The Killers - Read Your Mind
The steamboat-that-never-was day was seriously the shit. Got down to Marina Bay with Mikaela, Angie, Jacq and Yitwen and took the wrong bus - 402 - to end up at this pier place where you can take a ferry to Batam. Angie tried to ask the bus driver for directions but he avoided her like the plague which was really hilarious. I bought a curry puff there, Yitwen had to up that by buying 2 (which he had trouble finishing) and Mikaela flung one of them for whatever reason.
So we took 402 back to Marina Bay and took the correct bus this time - 400 - to finally head down to the famous steamboat place. However, after a long ride (punctuated by my really small, stupid and irrelevant epiphanies along the way), we ended up back at Marina Bay, so everyone was like wtf and Rachel went to ask the driver what happened, to which he replied that its closed already. So Rachel asked, "why you never tell us?" To which the gh3yass prick replied, "walk walk see see lah!"
wtf mannnnnnn.
Had rice with dishes instead at some hawker centre near Clarke Quay where the aunties call their lime juice "lum joo".
It's fascinating seeing how such seemingly fantastical concepts such as today's topics of realism and liberalism in political science class can be manifested in the affairs of the state and international relations such as the US war on Iraq triggered off by 9/11.
School work is catching me off guard again, and I'm surviving off the recesses of adrenaline to stay awake in class. Every monday and tuesday my sleeping cycle crashes back to a reset. Thankfully there's only a month left before some really hardcore holidays.
Independence is my gift and curse. Random. I don't quite know what to make of it, but while I feel extremely compelled to state my case, I know that at the same time, a multitude of things - that just by being who I am, I'm a biased entity; that you probably can't say for sure; that you probably don't really care; that it seriously doesn't matter anyway; that you might not have even meant it; that it could all just be a joke or test - will happen to conspire my deliberated apathy, but at the same time I guess that maybe you know it matters to me and it leaves in me a bitter aftertaste that won't go away. Like a loaded question, I stand implicitly accused without a refuting chance. Without reeking of sounding uptight and edgy. Which leaves me stuck either way - action or inaction.
I'm apprehensive about throwing down my trump cards also.
Haha. Well I suppose it really sucks saying that it doesn't affect me when my actions have spoken ahead of me in contradiction. I'll just buy myself time by tolerating the indecision. Random. Sometimes we say we're okay when we're not okay, and sometimes we say we're sorry when we're not.
Flattery looks like friendship, just like a wolf looks like a dog.
Audio Candy:
The Killers - Read Your Mind
Tuesday, 4 March 2008
Disconnect The Dots
When you've got the girls and Saipong together, it makes for one helluva funny time.
Saipong (to Rachel): You really need to go to the wellness centre.
Timsum: What's the wellness centre for?
Saipong: The wellness centre is the place you go to so that you can loosen up your nuts.
Saipong: Why is everyone laughing when I'm not making any joke? [sic]
It's gonna be an interesting week because we're coming up with a couple of social experiments just for jackass kicks. I can't disclose one right now, but the other involves Yitwen and I setting our status on Facebook to being married to each other, and then seeing what kinda response this gets. Haha. I've already got a few and I'm starting to feel bad because these people seem to be really taking it too seriously to be told it's a prank. But whatever anyway.
Facebook games are currently the bomb because we get to compare and challenge scores with friends. I've got a new sustainable pastime now I think. :]
We're perched on a kerb, and she's seated next to me; and all I gladly wanna do is talk about things that we'd both readily agree to.
Don't trust anyone over 30 who used to say, "Don't trust anyone over 30".
Audio Candy:
Emery - Ponytail Parade
Saipong (to Rachel): You really need to go to the wellness centre.
Timsum: What's the wellness centre for?
Saipong: The wellness centre is the place you go to so that you can loosen up your nuts.
Saipong: Why is everyone laughing when I'm not making any joke? [sic]
It's gonna be an interesting week because we're coming up with a couple of social experiments just for jackass kicks. I can't disclose one right now, but the other involves Yitwen and I setting our status on Facebook to being married to each other, and then seeing what kinda response this gets. Haha. I've already got a few and I'm starting to feel bad because these people seem to be really taking it too seriously to be told it's a prank. But whatever anyway.
Facebook games are currently the bomb because we get to compare and challenge scores with friends. I've got a new sustainable pastime now I think. :]
We're perched on a kerb, and she's seated next to me; and all I gladly wanna do is talk about things that we'd both readily agree to.
Don't trust anyone over 30 who used to say, "Don't trust anyone over 30".
Audio Candy:
Emery - Ponytail Parade
Wednesday, 20 February 2008
The Accidental Eureka
Sometimes, you read blog posts, and some of them are so 'cryptic' that you just pass. Then days later, you talk to people and someone says something and you go, "hmm that's interesting." Then for some reason you chance upon that old 'cryptic' blog post and you suddenly realise, "oh shit, so that's what he meant," as things come full circle.
Trivial epiphanies in the bigger scheme of things, but still revelatory on a personal scale.
Dreams evaporate into oblivion so easily. I had a pretty quirky one last night which I thought would be funny to share but as the day bore on I could hardly remember any of it.
Added Blogorithm to my recommended links. Has some fantastic bite-sized reads about science, nature and religion.
Opportunity may knock only once, but temptation leans on the doorbell.
Today's Listenables:
Smile Empty Soul - Jesus Is The Manager At Wal-Mart
Trivial epiphanies in the bigger scheme of things, but still revelatory on a personal scale.
Dreams evaporate into oblivion so easily. I had a pretty quirky one last night which I thought would be funny to share but as the day bore on I could hardly remember any of it.
Added Blogorithm to my recommended links. Has some fantastic bite-sized reads about science, nature and religion.
Opportunity may knock only once, but temptation leans on the doorbell.
Today's Listenables:
Smile Empty Soul - Jesus Is The Manager At Wal-Mart
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