I'm in the office on a sunday cos I've got nothing to do at home and the office being based in town makes it quite convenient as a 'station' place for me to do my own stuff while waiting for meet-up plans to materialise. I'm meeting Wesley later anyway. I was supposed to be here at 1500h cos one of the temps under me wanted to work and we decided on this time, but I got quite carried away with the Pool - Man Utd repeat game and ended up coming here an hour late. And the poor sod doesn't have a handphone, so. *Shrugs. I have no idea where he is now either.
I've come to a compromise with my dad and I'm gonna try for the Marketing module in term 3B (June - July), which means I'll start earlier, but not as early as April.
I've said before that school's a good excuse to get by, cos parents get all sensitive and protective and leave you alone when you declare that you're studying, so you can actually just forsake everything and study cos that's the presumably responsible thing to do; unlike if you're a working adult. You can't tell the crying baby to shut up cos you're working.
Add this growing reluctance to work to the equation and that's a huge nudge in the direction of deciding to compromise and opt for the early enrolment as well. My work at Love Airways is exciting no doubt, as are the learning prospects and opportunities and all that 'working with the media' jazz. As a temp myself, I'm actually governing a lot of power here. But sometimes there are some things I'd rather not wanna be involved in, and at the rate we're going, I'm nose-diving right into the fray.
I think I can sum up my attitude towards this job as a one-week holiday where you'd like to be in day 3 or 4 and skip the rest.
Watching the Liverpool Vs Manchester United game, I can't agree any further with the commentator after O'Shea put the Red Devils in the lead at the death and exclaims, "isn't that the hallmark of champions!?"
I've talked to Eufai about this before over MSN one day. There's a significant difference between a 'classy team' and a 'class team'. Arsenal are a truly classy team and their search for the perfect goal is always a sight to behold when you watch it unfold in play. But that doesn't always mean they win games.
On the other hand, Manchester United are a true class act because they can grind out the results whether or not they are playing well and that really defines a true winner. And although there were hiccups, they have never taken more than 1 or 2 seasons to put their championship race back on track, and have been getting it right all the time. That kind of glory sends shivers down my spine and I'm not even a Manchester United fan.
Life's too short to be taken seriously.
Today's Listenables:
Metallica - Ain't My Bitch
Sunday, 4 March 2007
Monday, 26 February 2007
Place In Time
I've always wondered what it would be like to have everyone from a particular time your life in the past come back together again. Like for me, maybe 4E1 or 03S3A, with everyone back together in the same room, topped off with the same teacher(s) we had. I won't really know what to expect, except to describe any notion of anticipation about the whole situation as 'interesting' probably. If we could get off to any conversation at all without any hint of awkwardness, there'd be opinions we'd share now that we wouldn't have in the past cos time and age brings new insights and there'd be friends where there were enemies cos sometimes, we find that conflicts are really much more blown out of proportion than they should be.
Also, I really think that the friends we make now are very different from the ones we made last time. Back then in secondary school, it was okay to be yourself in all your innocence because you were young and retarded anyway and that kind of made the friendships established those many years ago a whole lot more innocent because the friends you made were real and came naturally, not because you had a false front or you had to know the person due to some obligations. Moving on from those years through JC to the army and, to some extent, the workforce now, you'll find that new friends are there because you have to work with them or that you had to take the bus with them everyday, and half the time you do have a facade put on for some form of impression to give when you first meet a person. Things are a lot more formal now than they were in the past and, of course, your old friends from school will be the only ones entitled to know in full colour the silly things you did, unless you're still unabashedly doing them now, and that really does make a difference as to the levels of emotional attachment between you and your friends.
That said, if, for example, I had known my acquaintance-level colleague now as a secondary school friend rather than as an office colleague, he might have been a close buddy to me, rather than just a mere acquaintance.
Things are really determined by their place in time. I do believe to quite an extent that 'fate', or whatever you might wanna call it, is quite intertwined with many other things we attempt to make happen to determine our destinies for ourselves. You could be the safest person alive but if a car decides to swerve off the road and careen off the kerb into your path, you were just doomed to die. And if you find that you've had all kinds of relationships but not one of them has lasted, the one probably just hasn't arrived yet and there's nothing you can do about it. Same goes for the purpose in life idea. I don't mean to stereotype or judge people but when I was in the army and in charge of my men, there were people who really had both the look and behaviour that simply screams aloud that they're just gonna be workers for the rest of their lives. That's their destiny and you can't force any form of enterprise onto them or get them to be a little more entrepreneurial simply because it's the 'better' thing to be or do. Afterall, some people are happier being off the frontlines of doing 'glorious' stuff, like finding new businesses and companies, and working quietly for their simple keeps.
I've always felt like I was more of a backstage person anyway. My work shines when I'm off the limelight and able to look at things from a step back. I don't aspire for any form of greatness, just as long as I'm happily doing what I like.
My dad's making me go for the special term enrolment, which is really messing me up at this point of time. I'm all prepped to fire back at this bollocks of an idea.
Children in backseats cause accidents. Accidents in backseats cause children.
Today's Listenables:
Saosin - Sleepers
Also, I really think that the friends we make now are very different from the ones we made last time. Back then in secondary school, it was okay to be yourself in all your innocence because you were young and retarded anyway and that kind of made the friendships established those many years ago a whole lot more innocent because the friends you made were real and came naturally, not because you had a false front or you had to know the person due to some obligations. Moving on from those years through JC to the army and, to some extent, the workforce now, you'll find that new friends are there because you have to work with them or that you had to take the bus with them everyday, and half the time you do have a facade put on for some form of impression to give when you first meet a person. Things are a lot more formal now than they were in the past and, of course, your old friends from school will be the only ones entitled to know in full colour the silly things you did, unless you're still unabashedly doing them now, and that really does make a difference as to the levels of emotional attachment between you and your friends.
That said, if, for example, I had known my acquaintance-level colleague now as a secondary school friend rather than as an office colleague, he might have been a close buddy to me, rather than just a mere acquaintance.
Things are really determined by their place in time. I do believe to quite an extent that 'fate', or whatever you might wanna call it, is quite intertwined with many other things we attempt to make happen to determine our destinies for ourselves. You could be the safest person alive but if a car decides to swerve off the road and careen off the kerb into your path, you were just doomed to die. And if you find that you've had all kinds of relationships but not one of them has lasted, the one probably just hasn't arrived yet and there's nothing you can do about it. Same goes for the purpose in life idea. I don't mean to stereotype or judge people but when I was in the army and in charge of my men, there were people who really had both the look and behaviour that simply screams aloud that they're just gonna be workers for the rest of their lives. That's their destiny and you can't force any form of enterprise onto them or get them to be a little more entrepreneurial simply because it's the 'better' thing to be or do. Afterall, some people are happier being off the frontlines of doing 'glorious' stuff, like finding new businesses and companies, and working quietly for their simple keeps.
I've always felt like I was more of a backstage person anyway. My work shines when I'm off the limelight and able to look at things from a step back. I don't aspire for any form of greatness, just as long as I'm happily doing what I like.
My dad's making me go for the special term enrolment, which is really messing me up at this point of time. I'm all prepped to fire back at this bollocks of an idea.
Children in backseats cause accidents. Accidents in backseats cause children.
Today's Listenables:
Saosin - Sleepers
Monday, 19 February 2007
I passed my driving test and I'm fucking happy. Period! No more instructor to contend with, no more money wasting, no more dragging my feet down to the driving centre because it's turned into a bloody sian routine where I spend 2hrs of my day to make myself feel turdy the rest of it, and now I can drive the way I want to, within safety limits of course. :)
That's a happy, sweet, sweet valentine's for me. And of course I dedicate it very much to Kee!! (Also cos I hadn't done much for valentines' day for her.. *sheepish)
The big annual reminder of what your relatives look like is here again and while some are genuinely looking forward to the festive reunions of Chinese New Year and others judging their visits by means of RP$ (ang pao currency, i.e. uncle X loses his visiting value after you have received red packet from said uncle), I'm not that excited about it at all and things really went by without a cinch, my family being done with the main body of visiting by 3pm today. Of which I'm pretty glad.
I treat the total sum of my red packets (which, at less than $100, isn't much anyway but I'm not saying that I'm complaining) as an annual bonus that would otherwise have come from my dad anyway; apologies for not being any more interesting about the whole joy of red packet receiving and I'm just gonna boringly deposit the cash into my bank after the 15th day (I'll stick to some degree of tradition about this one, albeit still in a modern context lol). I'd already done away with the festive shopping a month or so ago and that's that.
Doing this meet up of relatives once and for all for the rest of the year does have its silly, pointless joys no doubt, when you talk to uncles, aunties and the more approachable cousins and smart-aleck your way around inconsequential conversations and some of them, especially the uncles and aunties, really give you the look that says, "wow he's really grown up since that little cockster I'd known a decade ago." Because most of them have the impression stuck in their heads anyway that you were only 10 years old just every other 'last year'. Some people also ask why I don't wear spectacles anymore, when they've been asking the same question for the past 4 years.
And every year, it's almost ritualistic that they'll ask Kenny and I to stand side by side to compare heights. And I should prep this list of calling names to revise before meeting up because I can never remember all the ranks of my uncles and aunties and who's who.
Meeting Kee's family up was fun, though I'm still pretty hampered by the language factor between her folks and I but it's okay. It's interesting when your girlfriend's dad is a reknowned chinese artist who's met the likes of the government (I can't remember, president? Or prime minister or some people like that), the Singaporean UN ambassador and others and has his work featured regularly in newspapers and books. And his cooking's really zai.
Kee's sis has a new boyfriend too; name's Douglas and we had drinks and conversation going so it was quite a good meet up.
I'd like to visit friends though. In all honesty, that really holds more meaning to me than the relatives-visiting despite the whole obligatory concept of oh-you-have-to-do-this-cos-you-are-family-and-you-have-to-respect-some-people-and-the-new-year-tradition. I'm sure I might be labelled as a little unfilial or unfeeling towards those of close kin to me, or something along that line to a certain degree by some people but I'm just being frank.
A man gazing at the stars is at the mercy of every puddle on the road.- James!
Today's Listenables:
Hinder - Lips Of An Angel
Sunday, 11 February 2007
I was up at 10am to cycle down to AMK for more footy again, and now I'm pretty much officially wasted but satisfied. Wonder how long we're gonna keep this 2-games-per-weekend program up... I'm quite sure it's just the post-ORD high that's resulting in this. Soon people'll be getting jobs over the weekends as well and we'll settle to a more digestable routine I suppose.
Love football. Really do. It gave me so much more than just something to do after school. Saying I've gained friendship, leadership and confidence while at it is just scratching the surface ever so briefly.
Wonder what's coming up over the years for soccer for me? Cos by now I suppose if, at my age of 21, you aren't already playing for some team like Geylang United, the sun has probably set on any soccer potential for you. And then you find that all those times you spent learning those snazzy tricks and perfecting your first touch and shooting accuracy comes to nought; then you tell your grand kids that you played against Khairul Amri and lost 14-0 to him and his team in a secondary school tournament and that's the closest you ever came to anything that mattered.
Anyway, he scored a brilliant goal against Thailand in the 2nd leg of the Tiger Cup finals. Though we were just sitting at a prata shop a thousand kilometres away from Thailand where the game was held, the atmosphere was electric and for just one moment in time we were truly united; the connection from us and the team we were rooting for to represent our national pride and glory was so strong such that our emotions rose and ebbed with the flow of the game, with each battering that Singapore took from another Thailand attack and each counter that Singapore attempted to turn the game in their favour. Truly more than just _____________________ (insert anti-football female cliche here).
Years down the road, maybe I'll be at a field near you with the uncles on an easy evening when work doesn't spill over into the weekend and the wife and kids are occupied with other stuff, lol.
Amongst other relevant things, Newcastle 2-1 Liverpool. Go Toon!
When your work speaks for itself, don't interrupt.
Today's Listenables:
Saosin - It's Far Better To Learn
Love football. Really do. It gave me so much more than just something to do after school. Saying I've gained friendship, leadership and confidence while at it is just scratching the surface ever so briefly.
Wonder what's coming up over the years for soccer for me? Cos by now I suppose if, at my age of 21, you aren't already playing for some team like Geylang United, the sun has probably set on any soccer potential for you. And then you find that all those times you spent learning those snazzy tricks and perfecting your first touch and shooting accuracy comes to nought; then you tell your grand kids that you played against Khairul Amri and lost 14-0 to him and his team in a secondary school tournament and that's the closest you ever came to anything that mattered.
Anyway, he scored a brilliant goal against Thailand in the 2nd leg of the Tiger Cup finals. Though we were just sitting at a prata shop a thousand kilometres away from Thailand where the game was held, the atmosphere was electric and for just one moment in time we were truly united; the connection from us and the team we were rooting for to represent our national pride and glory was so strong such that our emotions rose and ebbed with the flow of the game, with each battering that Singapore took from another Thailand attack and each counter that Singapore attempted to turn the game in their favour. Truly more than just _____________________ (insert anti-football female cliche here).
Years down the road, maybe I'll be at a field near you with the uncles on an easy evening when work doesn't spill over into the weekend and the wife and kids are occupied with other stuff, lol.
Amongst other relevant things, Newcastle 2-1 Liverpool. Go Toon!
When your work speaks for itself, don't interrupt.
Today's Listenables:
Saosin - It's Far Better To Learn
Sunday, 4 February 2007
Fur & Feather
The Fur and Feather Party event at China One was a blast! Damn. It was amazing watching the fruits of your labour take shape in such grandulous form. China One was packed and it was really happening... With dances and a live band and anyone and everyone from everywhere else mingle. There were top CEOs and founders of companies present. There was Maia Lee. There was Fashion TV filming the event live. Calling it a hive of activity would be a gross understatement.
Sheena and Chelsea looked fab in their Sister Love costumes draped with feathers and Alvin, Linda and Dr Wei were clad in full fur coats, complete with rabbit ear muff hats. Killer! I wished I'd taken more photos though. There were free Jack Daniel's flying off the counter and I helped myself to 3 glasses before feeling that one more serving could potentially start making me feel wootzy.
Spent the whole week helping to plan, coordinate, administer and do the necessary marketing for the event, and on friday went around getting the props and recce-ing China One itself and spent the day right through til 9pm in the office, and it's amazing seeing all your work culminating into such a success. It's been pretty happening working at Love Airways so far.
Lotsa people are unclear about what I do, so for the uninitiated, I saw Dr Wei's ad in the classifieds over a month ago when I was still at sea in employment and sent in my resumé. A week or two later Dr Wei invited me down to the 'office', which was a little more than a shophouse out of nowhere, next to Raffles Hotel opposite Bras Basah Complex, a benign alley-way right smack in the heart of the city. It was a real eyebrow-raiser of a place. I can't really describe it. Maybe next time I'll put photos here.
When I first came into the picture, I had to sort out a disastrous database mess left behind by the previous admin tempie. That's been long since settled and buried, and I've been doing everything from setting up Love Airways' and my colleagues' E-mail accounts, content work and calling all kinda big name personalities just to name a few.
Happening.
When I give food to the poor, they call me a saint. When I ask why the poor have no food, they call me a communist.- Dom Helmer Camara
Today's Listenables:
Junior Senior - Move Your Feet
Sheena and Chelsea looked fab in their Sister Love costumes draped with feathers and Alvin, Linda and Dr Wei were clad in full fur coats, complete with rabbit ear muff hats. Killer! I wished I'd taken more photos though. There were free Jack Daniel's flying off the counter and I helped myself to 3 glasses before feeling that one more serving could potentially start making me feel wootzy.
Spent the whole week helping to plan, coordinate, administer and do the necessary marketing for the event, and on friday went around getting the props and recce-ing China One itself and spent the day right through til 9pm in the office, and it's amazing seeing all your work culminating into such a success. It's been pretty happening working at Love Airways so far.
Lotsa people are unclear about what I do, so for the uninitiated, I saw Dr Wei's ad in the classifieds over a month ago when I was still at sea in employment and sent in my resumé. A week or two later Dr Wei invited me down to the 'office', which was a little more than a shophouse out of nowhere, next to Raffles Hotel opposite Bras Basah Complex, a benign alley-way right smack in the heart of the city. It was a real eyebrow-raiser of a place. I can't really describe it. Maybe next time I'll put photos here.
When I first came into the picture, I had to sort out a disastrous database mess left behind by the previous admin tempie. That's been long since settled and buried, and I've been doing everything from setting up Love Airways' and my colleagues' E-mail accounts, content work and calling all kinda big name personalities just to name a few.
Happening.
When I give food to the poor, they call me a saint. When I ask why the poor have no food, they call me a communist.- Dom Helmer Camara
Today's Listenables:
Junior Senior - Move Your Feet
Wednesday, 31 January 2007
Looking Back On Today
I started this post last saturday but I never really got down to completing it because somehow I'm starting to lose my attention whenever I start to blog.
Anyways!
A reason why I've never given my life a stock-take is probably because I spend a substantial part of my time thinking about it and that, in all it's consistency, renders a summation of events pretty much redundant; almost like how you'd compare someone who tidies up his room everyday versus someone who tidies up his room once a week. The result is essentially the same.
But a 'look back' post always makes good blogging fodder, somewhere along the lines of those neverending 'The Best of (insert boyband name here)' music albums and the unceasing 'closing down sale'. These endless conclusions always have some degree of short-term juiciness.
So I went through Junior College, disillusioned as the mechanics of education went from bad to worse in terms of my personal preferences and expectations, and I grudgingly toiled through two years of distasteful science that didn't really mean much to me. I mean I really do appreciate the importance of good science but all that physics and chemistry mumbo jumbo wasn't for me.
I was still quite naive and impressionable, so life breezed by as I enjoyed school without the examinations, doing silly things here and there that I'm not really proud of now on hindsight. Don't even mention the secondary school days... What was I thinking back then? Come to think of it, not much probably.
Then came the 3rd quarter of JC life. The 'A' levels came and went like a crashing train - hard but fast - and I met Yingqi. I definitely wouldn't be shaped into the person I am now without her. The post-exam years were just like a fleeting drug; quick events like the prom came and we were high for a moment and then the sun rises the next day and you wonder what just happened, sobered by reality.
And as everyone would love to have it put, NS came too soon and before you knew what the hell just hit you, you'd be digging in the mud with a rifle slung around your back. Sometimes it really happens because I do wonder how on earth I got there into the shit-hole. Like, huh? You mean I marched 16km here? And it seemed like it was just moments ago I was still slumped in a sofa seat with iced mocha on the table, and feeling irritated that my browned hair was getting into my eyes. Is this all just a dream? Then you learn to space out and detach yourself from yourself (kinda) and just go along like a zombie, and before you know it you're throwing your SBO onto the floor back in bunk and feeling like a relieved wreck as you subconsciously slump into a chair and unbutton your soiled no. 4.
Days go by and while some choose to be sentimental and remember 'the good ol' days' of CDS, everything that was said and done is now kept locked away in an abstract part of my memory. Sometimes someone tells me about something we used to do, or some sticky situation I'd gotten myself into, and I genuinely go, "did that really happen?"
But while, in terms of joy, there's a lot left to be desired in the period of CDS unit life, I'd personally learnt more than I could ever learn anywhere else in a little over a year there. BMT was frivolous, SISPEC was totally fucked up, but all my dear experiences and lessons came from CDS. Putting these experiences and lessons into text would be pretty shortchanging but I'll try.
I found that the quickest way to learn anything would be to be thrown into the fray, because cliched as it sounds, experience is a hard but effective teacher. People bitch way more than they have to, and when things come full circle it's like they're bitching about themselves. Unity is strength. And when you empower your people with freedom and dignity in the right way and gain their trust, you will get the same amount of support back from each and everyone of them.
I don't really know if I'm making sense but it doesn't really matter. Soon enough, after playing my cards right, I had an unofficial 3-month break as a precursor to my ORD. Foresight and anonymity is good when times get tight, and as it seemed, every other day felt more laced with tension than the ones before.
I emerged, pretty much more aware of myself and things around and possibly a whole lot more cynical, while also becoming much more disciplined in terms of personal responsibilities and money. I can't make myself spend when I don't have to. I'm a fireball of pensive energy, rational and calculated by the belief that you are only as upset as you will allow yourself to be. Out went the baggy shirts and jeans ten times too large for me, and in came the fitting, collared clothes and neat shoes.
Then the realisation of bigger things ahead strikes, and every now and then old boys will meet again to muse about broken relationships, parenthood, career paths and anything and everything. You then begin to wonder about all the financial possibilities and burdens and the 'adult-stuff' you could happily put off when you were a swinging sixteen, like life-savings plans and insurance policies and maybe Yun Nam for some.
So, looking forward to university is like longing for the the final chance in life to do something objectively without the burdens of responsibility attached to it; because studying can be an excuse to get by. Four years of studying before plunging into a world where everything you do and everything you pull has an impact like ropes attached to every other consequential part of your life.
And in hopes of doing something different, I chose SMU.
Ok lah this post wasn't supposed to sound so unfunny but I just got more and more bored typing towards the end. And besides, talking about CDS can be depressing at worst.
Anyway, Singapore 2-1 Thailand. What a lousy decision, what a gay reaction. I'm not proud of the victory in the manner it's won, but that was really sissy stuff from the Thais. But I don't know... Two wrongs don't make one right.
Any Singaporean travelling to Thailand for the return leg is a very brave soul, and he/she shall have my respects. Haha.
"...the temerity to believe that people, pawns in the ultimate chess game, are smart enough to figure out the rules." - George Johnson
Today's Listenables:
Chris Daughtry - What About Now
Anyways!
A reason why I've never given my life a stock-take is probably because I spend a substantial part of my time thinking about it and that, in all it's consistency, renders a summation of events pretty much redundant; almost like how you'd compare someone who tidies up his room everyday versus someone who tidies up his room once a week. The result is essentially the same.
But a 'look back' post always makes good blogging fodder, somewhere along the lines of those neverending 'The Best of (insert boyband name here)' music albums and the unceasing 'closing down sale'. These endless conclusions always have some degree of short-term juiciness.
So I went through Junior College, disillusioned as the mechanics of education went from bad to worse in terms of my personal preferences and expectations, and I grudgingly toiled through two years of distasteful science that didn't really mean much to me. I mean I really do appreciate the importance of good science but all that physics and chemistry mumbo jumbo wasn't for me.
I was still quite naive and impressionable, so life breezed by as I enjoyed school without the examinations, doing silly things here and there that I'm not really proud of now on hindsight. Don't even mention the secondary school days... What was I thinking back then? Come to think of it, not much probably.
Then came the 3rd quarter of JC life. The 'A' levels came and went like a crashing train - hard but fast - and I met Yingqi. I definitely wouldn't be shaped into the person I am now without her. The post-exam years were just like a fleeting drug; quick events like the prom came and we were high for a moment and then the sun rises the next day and you wonder what just happened, sobered by reality.
And as everyone would love to have it put, NS came too soon and before you knew what the hell just hit you, you'd be digging in the mud with a rifle slung around your back. Sometimes it really happens because I do wonder how on earth I got there into the shit-hole. Like, huh? You mean I marched 16km here? And it seemed like it was just moments ago I was still slumped in a sofa seat with iced mocha on the table, and feeling irritated that my browned hair was getting into my eyes. Is this all just a dream? Then you learn to space out and detach yourself from yourself (kinda) and just go along like a zombie, and before you know it you're throwing your SBO onto the floor back in bunk and feeling like a relieved wreck as you subconsciously slump into a chair and unbutton your soiled no. 4.
Days go by and while some choose to be sentimental and remember 'the good ol' days' of CDS, everything that was said and done is now kept locked away in an abstract part of my memory. Sometimes someone tells me about something we used to do, or some sticky situation I'd gotten myself into, and I genuinely go, "did that really happen?"
But while, in terms of joy, there's a lot left to be desired in the period of CDS unit life, I'd personally learnt more than I could ever learn anywhere else in a little over a year there. BMT was frivolous, SISPEC was totally fucked up, but all my dear experiences and lessons came from CDS. Putting these experiences and lessons into text would be pretty shortchanging but I'll try.
I found that the quickest way to learn anything would be to be thrown into the fray, because cliched as it sounds, experience is a hard but effective teacher. People bitch way more than they have to, and when things come full circle it's like they're bitching about themselves. Unity is strength. And when you empower your people with freedom and dignity in the right way and gain their trust, you will get the same amount of support back from each and everyone of them.
I don't really know if I'm making sense but it doesn't really matter. Soon enough, after playing my cards right, I had an unofficial 3-month break as a precursor to my ORD. Foresight and anonymity is good when times get tight, and as it seemed, every other day felt more laced with tension than the ones before.
I emerged, pretty much more aware of myself and things around and possibly a whole lot more cynical, while also becoming much more disciplined in terms of personal responsibilities and money. I can't make myself spend when I don't have to. I'm a fireball of pensive energy, rational and calculated by the belief that you are only as upset as you will allow yourself to be. Out went the baggy shirts and jeans ten times too large for me, and in came the fitting, collared clothes and neat shoes.
Then the realisation of bigger things ahead strikes, and every now and then old boys will meet again to muse about broken relationships, parenthood, career paths and anything and everything. You then begin to wonder about all the financial possibilities and burdens and the 'adult-stuff' you could happily put off when you were a swinging sixteen, like life-savings plans and insurance policies and maybe Yun Nam for some.
So, looking forward to university is like longing for the the final chance in life to do something objectively without the burdens of responsibility attached to it; because studying can be an excuse to get by. Four years of studying before plunging into a world where everything you do and everything you pull has an impact like ropes attached to every other consequential part of your life.
And in hopes of doing something different, I chose SMU.
Ok lah this post wasn't supposed to sound so unfunny but I just got more and more bored typing towards the end. And besides, talking about CDS can be depressing at worst.
Anyway, Singapore 2-1 Thailand. What a lousy decision, what a gay reaction. I'm not proud of the victory in the manner it's won, but that was really sissy stuff from the Thais. But I don't know... Two wrongs don't make one right.
Any Singaporean travelling to Thailand for the return leg is a very brave soul, and he/she shall have my respects. Haha.
"...the temerity to believe that people, pawns in the ultimate chess game, are smart enough to figure out the rules." - George Johnson
Today's Listenables:
Chris Daughtry - What About Now
Monday, 8 January 2007
Pwned
My havaianas slippers broke! After about 2 years of good service... Kee bought them for me and they really served me well. :[
The job application e-mailing hit a crazy total of 64 resumes sent out this morning (this started on friday), and at about 1300h my 64 hooks caught a sniff. 0930h at somewhere near Chinatown tomorrow to turn that sniff into a bite.
Suddenly remembered that Kee and I saw Jamie Yeo and Glenn Ong last week at Serangoon Gardens. I've gotta mention this because I was ordering something when I saw this ex-NYJCian nearby. When I went back to our table, I told Kee that I found that guy familiar (cos at that moment I hadn't identified him as an ex-NYJCian yet), but I couldn't really show her where he was cos he was blocked by some other people.
So there we were, focusing and trying to look behind the people blocking us when Kee suddenly said, "hey isn't that Glenn Ong and Jamie Yeo?" My eyes refocused and I then realised that the people blocking our view were actually the celebrity duo.
And I was so caught up in looking beyond them that I couldn't even notice them. Pwned.
Some funny, alternative 'pwned' definitions at Urban Dictionary:
pwned
Created in 1972 by the 3rd SOG (Special Operations Group) when a Lt. Colonel Hank Munro shot a Vietnamese sentry with a Mk22 Hush Puppy. Due to the tension at the time, he inadvertantly said "pwned" instead of "Delta, move in and eliminate all hostiles." The subsequent death of Lt. Col. Munro as he charged a heavily fortified position lead to the term "pwned" being adopted as short-hand for "that dumbass just got his ass whupped in a helluva funny way."
"Did you see that car crash where 27 people died after someone swerved to avoid a cat?""PWNED."
pwned
An intentionally mispelled term for "Owned". Originating as a result of the "P-key" being adjacent and aligned with the "O-key" on the QWERTY keybpard, it is a commpnly accepted term ampng gamers and shares the same definitipn as "Owned".
1. You just got pwned
2. To accredit the usage of "Pwned" to anything mpre particular than a commpn typo would be an unsubstantiated concept of it's origin.
3. Everyone else's definition of "Pwned" just gpt pwned.
Imitation is the greatest form of flattery.
Today's Listenables:
Secondhand Serenade - End
The job application e-mailing hit a crazy total of 64 resumes sent out this morning (this started on friday), and at about 1300h my 64 hooks caught a sniff. 0930h at somewhere near Chinatown tomorrow to turn that sniff into a bite.
Suddenly remembered that Kee and I saw Jamie Yeo and Glenn Ong last week at Serangoon Gardens. I've gotta mention this because I was ordering something when I saw this ex-NYJCian nearby. When I went back to our table, I told Kee that I found that guy familiar (cos at that moment I hadn't identified him as an ex-NYJCian yet), but I couldn't really show her where he was cos he was blocked by some other people.
So there we were, focusing and trying to look behind the people blocking us when Kee suddenly said, "hey isn't that Glenn Ong and Jamie Yeo?" My eyes refocused and I then realised that the people blocking our view were actually the celebrity duo.
And I was so caught up in looking beyond them that I couldn't even notice them. Pwned.
Some funny, alternative 'pwned' definitions at Urban Dictionary:
pwned
Created in 1972 by the 3rd SOG (Special Operations Group) when a Lt. Colonel Hank Munro shot a Vietnamese sentry with a Mk22 Hush Puppy. Due to the tension at the time, he inadvertantly said "pwned" instead of "Delta, move in and eliminate all hostiles." The subsequent death of Lt. Col. Munro as he charged a heavily fortified position lead to the term "pwned" being adopted as short-hand for "that dumbass just got his ass whupped in a helluva funny way."
"Did you see that car crash where 27 people died after someone swerved to avoid a cat?""PWNED."
pwned
An intentionally mispelled term for "Owned". Originating as a result of the "P-key" being adjacent and aligned with the "O-key" on the QWERTY keybpard, it is a commpnly accepted term ampng gamers and shares the same definitipn as "Owned".
1. You just got pwned
2. To accredit the usage of "Pwned" to anything mpre particular than a commpn typo would be an unsubstantiated concept of it's origin.
3. Everyone else's definition of "Pwned" just gpt pwned.
Imitation is the greatest form of flattery.
Today's Listenables:
Secondhand Serenade - End
Friday, 5 January 2007
V
I've been spending days trying to get that elusive early goodnight cos things keep screwing me up, like Newcastle playing Manchester Utd at 1am and V for Vendetta at midnight.
Ooh I've had a nice, deep dose of thought-provoking movies (judgment made without any prior reading of the books written before the movies) this week.
Caught Fast-Food Nation at the movies with Kee and what a surprising show it's turned out to be. A fictitious narrative somewhat, depicted from the lives of a few people intertwined into one another due to the fast food chain Mickey's, reflects the extremely ugly side of the modern fast food business in the world today, together with its harsh realities and moral and social repercussions. Read up on the book it was adapted from and its catchphrase was cool: "Do you want lies (fries) with that?" If it was a more mainstream movie that people would flock to just like they would to the Matrix or Mission Impossible, a lotta people would really think twice before sinking their teeth into another burger.
And I thought V For Vendetta was absolutely mind-blowing, in so many ways ranging from concept, plot and philosophy to the way Hugo Weaving 'weaved' such life into his character, V, by the extremely artistic usage of his voice (seriously pardon the pun I couldn't help it). A provocative movie that makes you question your stand as one of 'the people' in a country under a government.
And the dialogue is absolute poetry. Can't help it man here are some:
V: ...A building is a symbol, as is the act of destroying it. Symbols are given power by people. A symbol, in and of itself is powerless, but with enough people behind it, blowing up a building can change the world.
Evey Hammond: My father was a writer. You would've liked him. He used to say that artists use lies to tell the truth while politicians use them to cover the truth up.
V: But regardless of what weapons they try to use to effect silence, words will always retain their power. Words are the means to meaning, and for some, the annunciation of truth. And the truth is, there is something terribly wrong with this country.
Creedy: Die! Die! Why won't you die..? Why won't you die?
V: Beneath this mask there is more than flesh. Beneath this mask there is an idea, Mr. Creedy, and ideas are bulletproof.
Evey Hammond: Who are you?
V: Who? Who is but the form following the function of what, and what I am is a man in a mask.
Evey Hammond: Well I can see that.
V: Of course you can. I'm not questioning your powers of observation, I'm merely remarking upon the paradox of asking a masked man who he is.
Valerie: I remember our teacher telling us that it was an adolescent phase that people outgrew. Sarah did. I didn't. In 2002, I fell in love with a girl named Christina. That year I came out to my parents. I couldn't have done it without Chris holding my hand. My father wouldn't look at me. He told me to go and never come back. My mother said nothing. But I'd only told them the truth. Was that so selfish? Our integrity sells for so little, but it is all we really have. It is the very last inch of us. But within that inch we are free.
Valerie: It seems strange that my life should end in such a terrible place, but for three years I had roses and apologized to no one. I shall die here. Every inch of me shall perish. Every inch, but one. An inch. It is small and it is fragile and it is the only thing in the world worth having. We must never lose it or give it away. We must NEVER let them take it from us.
V: People should not be afraid of their governments. Governments should be afraid of their people.
More quotes here. Hoho. Cheers people. Oh and anyway today's audio candy is the tune they're playing in the latest Nokia 'musiconnects' advert. Just thought it was really catchy so I got down to a little seeking and found it. Daft Punk... Ooz.
You go to sushi land and order the cast of the Little Mermaid on a pad of rice.
Today's Listenables:
Daft Punk - Digital Love
Ooh I've had a nice, deep dose of thought-provoking movies (judgment made without any prior reading of the books written before the movies) this week.
Caught Fast-Food Nation at the movies with Kee and what a surprising show it's turned out to be. A fictitious narrative somewhat, depicted from the lives of a few people intertwined into one another due to the fast food chain Mickey's, reflects the extremely ugly side of the modern fast food business in the world today, together with its harsh realities and moral and social repercussions. Read up on the book it was adapted from and its catchphrase was cool: "Do you want lies (fries) with that?" If it was a more mainstream movie that people would flock to just like they would to the Matrix or Mission Impossible, a lotta people would really think twice before sinking their teeth into another burger.
And I thought V For Vendetta was absolutely mind-blowing, in so many ways ranging from concept, plot and philosophy to the way Hugo Weaving 'weaved' such life into his character, V, by the extremely artistic usage of his voice (seriously pardon the pun I couldn't help it). A provocative movie that makes you question your stand as one of 'the people' in a country under a government.
And the dialogue is absolute poetry. Can't help it man here are some:
V: ...A building is a symbol, as is the act of destroying it. Symbols are given power by people. A symbol, in and of itself is powerless, but with enough people behind it, blowing up a building can change the world.
Evey Hammond: My father was a writer. You would've liked him. He used to say that artists use lies to tell the truth while politicians use them to cover the truth up.
V: But regardless of what weapons they try to use to effect silence, words will always retain their power. Words are the means to meaning, and for some, the annunciation of truth. And the truth is, there is something terribly wrong with this country.
Creedy: Die! Die! Why won't you die..? Why won't you die?
V: Beneath this mask there is more than flesh. Beneath this mask there is an idea, Mr. Creedy, and ideas are bulletproof.
Evey Hammond: Who are you?
V: Who? Who is but the form following the function of what, and what I am is a man in a mask.
Evey Hammond: Well I can see that.
V: Of course you can. I'm not questioning your powers of observation, I'm merely remarking upon the paradox of asking a masked man who he is.
Valerie: I remember our teacher telling us that it was an adolescent phase that people outgrew. Sarah did. I didn't. In 2002, I fell in love with a girl named Christina. That year I came out to my parents. I couldn't have done it without Chris holding my hand. My father wouldn't look at me. He told me to go and never come back. My mother said nothing. But I'd only told them the truth. Was that so selfish? Our integrity sells for so little, but it is all we really have. It is the very last inch of us. But within that inch we are free.
Valerie: It seems strange that my life should end in such a terrible place, but for three years I had roses and apologized to no one. I shall die here. Every inch of me shall perish. Every inch, but one. An inch. It is small and it is fragile and it is the only thing in the world worth having. We must never lose it or give it away. We must NEVER let them take it from us.
V: People should not be afraid of their governments. Governments should be afraid of their people.
More quotes here. Hoho. Cheers people. Oh and anyway today's audio candy is the tune they're playing in the latest Nokia 'musiconnects' advert. Just thought it was really catchy so I got down to a little seeking and found it. Daft Punk... Ooz.
You go to sushi land and order the cast of the Little Mermaid on a pad of rice.
Today's Listenables:
Daft Punk - Digital Love
Resolution Absolution
Happy new year people.
In a flash, I've been through new year's passing and it's as hyped up as it commercially ought to be, our jubilance marketed to us right at our doorstep. There were parties, sales and events galore, but personally, this year's was really just another date on the calendar. I must admit that, considering the number of times I've told Kee my fast-approaching 21st birthday is but just another day, I might be taking the significance of a day like this for granted, but realistically in the bigger scheme of things in my life, it didn't hold any significance anyway nor make things any more pleasant for me.
The Christmas to new year period brings forth some of the longest holidays of the year and in light of my present predicament, employment would be and indeed was at an all-time low and I went through the festive season jobless and ultimately unable to cash-in on the very lucrative public holiday working hours too. And to top it all off, I couldn't party the holidays away and make the most out of my 'funemployment' because I had zero spending power and I was totally not in the mood given the circumstances of my futile job-hunt too.
Then there's the little part about the new year resolutions. Thankfully, the scenario of people asking you about your resolutions nowadays is dying out just like how forwarded SMSes are, so I'm not that bothered about the whole thing like how it used to be when we'd all have some resolutions just for the sake of it so that we've got a prepared answer when someone asks us about it.
"I never used to make any. I didn't believe in them. I thought they were pointless, distracting and prohibitive. I considered them a restriction on how you should live your life, and the kind of thing done by people who were afraid of taking things as they came. I also thought that if you wanted to give something up or change your life then you shouldn't need the prop of 1st January to do it."
A paragraph taken from someone's view about resolutions (named Ian for copyright's sake). He eventually defended the ideals of resolutions though, albeit for politically incorrect and sarcastic reasons. Just some cynical food for thought, cos to some extent that paragraph had an acute degree of truth in it, though not entirely considering that virtuously sticking to good resolutions may herald positive outcomes in life for those who are weaker-willed to deal with personal issues.
Anyway I've just got to say that watching Arsenal pick Charlton Athletic apart last week in such unapologetic and playfully patient manner is such a delight to watch. Now Henry's back, though not to his individual best but still bringing out some of the best in Arsenal's play, and the captain and his boys are still searching for the perfect goal; such a rare sight and one to behold in the physical nature of the English Premier League where, sometimes, the game is over before you can even hope to enjoy it.
Spent the majority of the week away prepping my Curriculum Vitae (CV, fancy word for resumé) and looking for work. It's quite a learning experience actually, and I'm almost sheepish to know just about how little I know. Chinhong mused about entry-level jobs being like playing an online game with guilds, like Gunbound - you've just joined the game but no guilds will accept you cos their minimum entry level is level 10 or so and you're only level 1. Or the 'pro's keep kicking you from rooms cos you're a newbie chick. A sucky vicious cycle arises and you end up spending alot of time in noob places trying to level up very slowly cos the level 10s don't wanna give you a chance.
In a flash, I've been through new year's passing and it's as hyped up as it commercially ought to be, our jubilance marketed to us right at our doorstep. There were parties, sales and events galore, but personally, this year's was really just another date on the calendar. I must admit that, considering the number of times I've told Kee my fast-approaching 21st birthday is but just another day, I might be taking the significance of a day like this for granted, but realistically in the bigger scheme of things in my life, it didn't hold any significance anyway nor make things any more pleasant for me.
The Christmas to new year period brings forth some of the longest holidays of the year and in light of my present predicament, employment would be and indeed was at an all-time low and I went through the festive season jobless and ultimately unable to cash-in on the very lucrative public holiday working hours too. And to top it all off, I couldn't party the holidays away and make the most out of my 'funemployment' because I had zero spending power and I was totally not in the mood given the circumstances of my futile job-hunt too.
Then there's the little part about the new year resolutions. Thankfully, the scenario of people asking you about your resolutions nowadays is dying out just like how forwarded SMSes are, so I'm not that bothered about the whole thing like how it used to be when we'd all have some resolutions just for the sake of it so that we've got a prepared answer when someone asks us about it.
"I never used to make any. I didn't believe in them. I thought they were pointless, distracting and prohibitive. I considered them a restriction on how you should live your life, and the kind of thing done by people who were afraid of taking things as they came. I also thought that if you wanted to give something up or change your life then you shouldn't need the prop of 1st January to do it."
A paragraph taken from someone's view about resolutions (named Ian for copyright's sake). He eventually defended the ideals of resolutions though, albeit for politically incorrect and sarcastic reasons. Just some cynical food for thought, cos to some extent that paragraph had an acute degree of truth in it, though not entirely considering that virtuously sticking to good resolutions may herald positive outcomes in life for those who are weaker-willed to deal with personal issues.
Anyway I've just got to say that watching Arsenal pick Charlton Athletic apart last week in such unapologetic and playfully patient manner is such a delight to watch. Now Henry's back, though not to his individual best but still bringing out some of the best in Arsenal's play, and the captain and his boys are still searching for the perfect goal; such a rare sight and one to behold in the physical nature of the English Premier League where, sometimes, the game is over before you can even hope to enjoy it.
Spent the majority of the week away prepping my Curriculum Vitae (CV, fancy word for resumé) and looking for work. It's quite a learning experience actually, and I'm almost sheepish to know just about how little I know. Chinhong mused about entry-level jobs being like playing an online game with guilds, like Gunbound - you've just joined the game but no guilds will accept you cos their minimum entry level is level 10 or so and you're only level 1. Or the 'pro's keep kicking you from rooms cos you're a newbie chick. A sucky vicious cycle arises and you end up spending alot of time in noob places trying to level up very slowly cos the level 10s don't wanna give you a chance.
Sunday, 24 December 2006
His And Her
I'd say this is one of the biggest English boo-boos to be found around Singapore, because of the huge number of toilets having this design template from town to the heartlands. wtf dude? It's either HIS and HERS, if not then HIM and HER. HIS and HER is just totally grammatically wrong and embarrassing.
Tuesday, 5 December 2006
I've always thought it was pretty interesting how systems come and systems go. Systems get borne out of nothing, just so that things keep moving. Something just has to happen because somehow, we're not meant to stagnate. Natural habitats have to be disturbed to get their gold mines cleaned out. Plays have to go on because people enjoy a good show. A peaceful family generation needs a court battle over a will just because. Wars arise for the most absurd reasons we could never fathom.
Get that paper qualification and make that job opportunity count or spiral down towards a long, winding death. What a life.
Get that paper qualification and make that job opportunity count or spiral down towards a long, winding death. What a life.
Wednesday, 29 November 2006
For most cases, sending your kid to a school like Rosyth's like trying to put him or her on a path that leads on, hopefully, to academic excellence. But what can really determine these things? We shape our destiny as fate shapes us, two seemingly unfathomable concepts intertwined to bring us full circle to where we are now, and very much beyond.
Having spent most of my schooling years in, I'd admittedly say, the higher-end of the academic class (though not that much higher-end, just a little bit above the average on the scale) seriously puts me in a social culture that is relatively shielded away from most of the basic ills of society. The other day on the bus, some young, undecorous lout had an argument with a bus conductor and proceeded on to lay a barrage of hokkien vulgarities on the old man who was just trying to do his job. And last week, some kid was contemplating whether he should jump from my block cos he 'de2 zui4' (offended) some other retard. I'm going to SMU a little under a year's time; where exactly do I have the place for such people or scenarios conceptually in my life, no matter how apparently simple these examples may seem?
Having spent most of my schooling years in, I'd admittedly say, the higher-end of the academic class (though not that much higher-end, just a little bit above the average on the scale) seriously puts me in a social culture that is relatively shielded away from most of the basic ills of society. The other day on the bus, some young, undecorous lout had an argument with a bus conductor and proceeded on to lay a barrage of hokkien vulgarities on the old man who was just trying to do his job. And last week, some kid was contemplating whether he should jump from my block cos he 'de2 zui4' (offended) some other retard. I'm going to SMU a little under a year's time; where exactly do I have the place for such people or scenarios conceptually in my life, no matter how apparently simple these examples may seem?
Sunday, 8 October 2006
There was a minor hiccup last week though, when a trainee got affected by a little food poisoning and was evacuated to Paya Lebar Air Base Medical Centre. I won't elaborate much about it, other than stating that if not for stupid people doing stupid things, the trainee wouldn't have had to be evacuated in the first place and all the ensuing problems wouldn't have occurred. We have the power of discretion, which's why the SAF hires humans, not robots. Some people just have mental states that are FUBAR seriously.
Which makes me think that this scenario is quite possible: You have a really fucked up fella in army who messes with how things work, slacks a lot and makes other people do his job, and eventually he leaves the army to become a teacher or a pastor who's telling his students or audience all about integrity and working hard. There's that possibility that you as a student might've looked up to some teacher sometime in your young life who might've been ironically screwed up as a fellow soldier in the army or a downright fuckup/loser.
Which makes me think that this scenario is quite possible: You have a really fucked up fella in army who messes with how things work, slacks a lot and makes other people do his job, and eventually he leaves the army to become a teacher or a pastor who's telling his students or audience all about integrity and working hard. There's that possibility that you as a student might've looked up to some teacher sometime in your young life who might've been ironically screwed up as a fellow soldier in the army or a downright fuckup/loser.
Saturday, 16 September 2006
Hindsight
Before I enlisted, I'd thought that going to the army would be a form of escape, without studies and less personal responsibilities. How wrong was I, especially with the former. The amount of stuff you had to study as a 21st century 'paper' soldier was hovering at the level of insane by my expectations, or lack thereof. Now that I'm actually gonna leave (in precisely 51 more days), I'm getting struck by the bug that makes you feel like you're gonna miss the shit you went through. Well sure it was a good experience and I've had my fair share of good and bad times, but that's all it'll be. I'm never going back. Haha. When I asked Leon what would happen if he woke up tomorrow to find that he's been dreaming about unit and all that and he's actually still in BMT, he replied without a hint of hesitation that he'd just kill himself.
Monday, 28 August 2006
Song Meanings
It started with Dick telling me that he was gonna learn the chords to Third Eye Blind's Motorcycle Driveby because he liked the lyrics. I hadn't really paid attention to that song's lyrics (or most of 3EB's songs for that matter cos they seem too exuberantly carefree and jolly but I was dead wrong) initially, so when I finally did, I realised it's way deeper than I'd thought. That led to me going online to search for, well generally, the meaning of the song, but at the same time the building blocks of the song itself.
"Summer time and the wind is blowing / Outside in lower Chelsea / And I don't know what I'm doing in the city... Where's the soul I want to know / New York City is evil / The surface is everything / But I could never do that / Someone would see through that" - Like what's Chelsea and NY gotta do with the song anyway? The lyrics must've been borne out of some experience someone or the band felt or went through.
This little quest led me to uncover websites dedicated to answering puzzled fans about abstract songs that they're clueless about but are dying to comprehend. And some of the lyrics I'd found from bands like Third Eye Blind, My Chemical Romance, Jimmy Eat World and Fall Out Boy had really deep meanings. Did you guess that, while innocently singing along to 3EB's Semi-Charmed Life in the bath, you'd actually be humming a tune about doing drugs and sex? And back in secondary school, we actually jammed Semi-Charmed Life during a teacher's day programme and dedicated it to the teachers.
Alot of songs have been written and sung involving love because it's such an emotional subject, so tangible yet so abstract in nature. You could say that I'm in a period of atmospheric turmoil because lotsa relationship breakdowns have been happening to friends around me, and in that short period of time I think they've said some of the deepest things I've ever heard in awhile. When I read what Nathaniel privately wrote daily about his ex (with his permission of course) in a semi-secret blog during the gloomiest days of his breakup, the emotion was so pure and raw that the pain practically cuts right through the barrier of being two separate persons, and went straight to my heart as well.
A good artist (could be a poet, a lyricist, a painter or an actor etc) who would be able to harness this passionate energy and channel it out effectively would create a wonderful piece of work. For that, I think you'd really have to go through a true test of mettle to really achieve, like how great poets have emerged with beautiful stanzas from war times.
Art is truly a celebration of connecting yourself with the artist in the appreciation of a particular feeling as portrayed by him or her in his or her work. And the diversity of this appreciation is amazing. Some of the songs have been interpreted in so many different but equally correct ways, and there's a really powerful sensation, in some ways haunting and in others soothingly familiar, when a song's lyrics can perfectly describe an experience you've had.
Quite a number of songs have references to things and places (that we aren't familiar of sometimes because they're like places in America) that remind them of something or someone. "Don't you know I'm thinkin', drivin' 405 past midnight / You know I miss you (Don't you know that I miss you?) / Ninth and Ash on a Tuesday night / I would write to you from a museum mile, toast to you / your whisper, your smile / Up the stairs at the Weatherford, a ghost each place I hide..." (Jimmy Eat World's If You Don't, Don't) And, depending on what tickles your fancy, I think this actually works to tell a more concrete, tangible story that you can actually visualise. Clever subtleties slipped in to get the fans guessing.
"Summer time and the wind is blowing / Outside in lower Chelsea / And I don't know what I'm doing in the city... Where's the soul I want to know / New York City is evil / The surface is everything / But I could never do that / Someone would see through that" - Like what's Chelsea and NY gotta do with the song anyway? The lyrics must've been borne out of some experience someone or the band felt or went through.
This little quest led me to uncover websites dedicated to answering puzzled fans about abstract songs that they're clueless about but are dying to comprehend. And some of the lyrics I'd found from bands like Third Eye Blind, My Chemical Romance, Jimmy Eat World and Fall Out Boy had really deep meanings. Did you guess that, while innocently singing along to 3EB's Semi-Charmed Life in the bath, you'd actually be humming a tune about doing drugs and sex? And back in secondary school, we actually jammed Semi-Charmed Life during a teacher's day programme and dedicated it to the teachers.
Alot of songs have been written and sung involving love because it's such an emotional subject, so tangible yet so abstract in nature. You could say that I'm in a period of atmospheric turmoil because lotsa relationship breakdowns have been happening to friends around me, and in that short period of time I think they've said some of the deepest things I've ever heard in awhile. When I read what Nathaniel privately wrote daily about his ex (with his permission of course) in a semi-secret blog during the gloomiest days of his breakup, the emotion was so pure and raw that the pain practically cuts right through the barrier of being two separate persons, and went straight to my heart as well.
A good artist (could be a poet, a lyricist, a painter or an actor etc) who would be able to harness this passionate energy and channel it out effectively would create a wonderful piece of work. For that, I think you'd really have to go through a true test of mettle to really achieve, like how great poets have emerged with beautiful stanzas from war times.
Art is truly a celebration of connecting yourself with the artist in the appreciation of a particular feeling as portrayed by him or her in his or her work. And the diversity of this appreciation is amazing. Some of the songs have been interpreted in so many different but equally correct ways, and there's a really powerful sensation, in some ways haunting and in others soothingly familiar, when a song's lyrics can perfectly describe an experience you've had.
Quite a number of songs have references to things and places (that we aren't familiar of sometimes because they're like places in America) that remind them of something or someone. "Don't you know I'm thinkin', drivin' 405 past midnight / You know I miss you (Don't you know that I miss you?) / Ninth and Ash on a Tuesday night / I would write to you from a museum mile, toast to you / your whisper, your smile / Up the stairs at the Weatherford, a ghost each place I hide..." (Jimmy Eat World's If You Don't, Don't) And, depending on what tickles your fancy, I think this actually works to tell a more concrete, tangible story that you can actually visualise. Clever subtleties slipped in to get the fans guessing.
Tuesday, 15 August 2006
Singapore Inc.
Oh happy belated birthday to the nation. Other than some very probable cliches, I don't really have much to comment this year around, so I've decided to quote some good excerpts from blogs I've read. Copyrights earned of course. ;)
The youths in Singapore are losing their identity and sense of belonging. I'm not sure who I'm speaking for, but I'm pretty sure it's not just a lonesome three to four. Polls have said it, half of the youths in Singapore would emigrate if given the chance. To rejoice or to despair?
I believe one of the reasons why Singaporeans are slowly losing their identity is partly the nation's fault, society's fault. Firstly, there's that lack of transparency on what the nation is doing for us. Secondly, they keep wanting us to be something else, or someone else. For example, wanting us to speak perfect English to "match up" with the ang mohs, or learning Chinese to keep up with China the growing dragon or whatever pet name it's given, or brushing up on Tamil as India's growing too. You can call us a multi-racial society and be proud of it, but it's not fair to exploit that and emphasizing on language so much in such a coercing manner. If there weren't those fireworks or the holiday, would the youths remember it's Singapore's independence day tomorrow? Would anyone embrace the day as a special day worth commemorating? Or would it just be another holiday? Singapore is indeed doing a lot for us, keeping the streets safe, making those policies to ensure every one of us gets sufficient education and so on and so forth, but then somehow people know only how to focus on the bad stuff, like rising transportation fares (does anyone ever feel thankful for the considerably-high pay they're getting compared to like native Indos?), stressful work environments, and bad education system which kinda limits students in some way and turns them all into bloody muggers who care only about results and nothing else. Our protective leaders' plans are backfiring on them, turning all their lovely citizens into narrow-minded self-centered money-minded people.
- Gracelina
I've been to the NE show when I was a starry-eyed Primary 5 kid, I've performed when I was a Nanyang Girl in Sec 1, I've been part of the audience 2 years ago, and this year I'm an usher for the last NDP at the National Stadium. For a possible quitter that is quite an awful lot of involvement in THE nation-building show, hahas.
It went from being awed by the fireworks to swelling with pride singing the national anthem after performing on the field to being somewhat cynical while on the audience stands, and this time I don't know what to feel. NDP hasn't exactly changed over the years--the formations are the few basic shapes you toy around with, the song singing of "future" and "peace" and "stars" and "soaring", the videos always appropriately reminding us of how we overcame our hardships etc [I just HAD to stifle a laugh when someone in one of the videos said "I am free to express myself."]
In so many ways the NDP show is a miniature replica of how the government would like Singapore Inc to work--months of hard work in nation-building that would have everyone believing and belonging, celebrating our achievements and the fact that we are Singaporeans and we are here, we've got it made, happy and all (remember, 4 million smiles or the police will arrest you for being unfriendly). Age strips the rose-tinted glasses away--the heart hardens and we dismiss each message as propaganda, which it is, really, but today I realise that it is not necessarily a bad thing because it doesn't make sense to badmouth/feedback on this day, because it doesn't seem right to not be idealistic and hopeful for a better Singapore, especially on National Day.
- Chris
I don't really have something specific to say in these recent times of growing anxiety about youths of our nation and politics of the country, and recently I realised that I'm becoming more of a backseat person - listening more than I speak, which, more often than not, turns out to be the wiser thing to do. But for a very, very inspiring read, go here. It's an interview with the late David Marshall. I know most people would probably dismiss this link but reconsider doing that, coz trust me this read could potentially change how you think, at least for awhile (heck if you had to choose between reading my online journal or that interview I'd say go for the interview dmnit.).
Met Gracia, an old schoolmate and ex-neighbour of mine (actually we still stay very much in proximity) the other day for a round of supper, and I was posed a question: "are you satisfied with your life?" And somewhere along those lines the question "what have you achieved?" probably lingered in anticipation of an answer as well.
How many of us have actually asked ourselves that question, and seriously gave that question a thought? I haven't until now. Deroose's asked me that before and it was half-dismissed because I thought it was too idealistic a question to consider at that point of time in my life when I was very much still in the platoon sergeant hotseat (clearing leave now and handed over! Woot).
Besides, what can you do when you're in the army right? That fuckin' obstacle in the prime of your youth? People can claim to have answered that question and gave an answer as dismally as I have thinking that it's okay, but now I realise it's not really alright.
After some reflecting, I guess I've tried to make my team, if not my unit, a better place to be in, and that's as heroic as I can get within my legal means. Because trying anything beyond that, especially as an NSF sergeant, is simply out of the question. Perhaps I've tried to change the system but failed, and maybe I can say that's the cause of my dissatisfaction. But I think I do have reason to be satisfied. In very basic, physical terms, I hope that I've cultivated a sense of pride in our team to be the best at what they can do, both for and against the system. Unity is strength, and you can't underestimate people power. Think I'm getting a little carried away again... But changing the system on my own would amount to opposing the government in its very funny, micro-level kinda way; a government which has cleverly buffered itself in its God-complex so as to be untouchable.
Take OC and CO relations for example, and why the chain of command is so strongly enforced upon the men to go through the right flow of channels. For those who aren't in the know... I can't elaborate here. Touchy issues.
Then again sometimes I think, is that really it? Or is that what I'd like to believe it is... Am I really as pensively intelligent as I think I am? Or am I just making a crapload of noise here, just like almost everybody else? Because sometimes I see chinks in my armour of seemingly correct principles.
I'm in a period of time where I'll probably look back on in the future and feel stupid of myself about. I've read back on some of the stuff I wrote, especially during phases of my life where I'm especially impressionable, not just towards trends but towards perspectives and beliefs as well. And I wished I could just go back in time and slap myself for the immature, silly stuff I did or said.
When it comes to being really clever, I suck. There are people I know whom I admire for their speed of thought and strategic foresight (qualities I think I fall short in), and when it comes to actually knowing stuff, I'm sorely lacking as well. I do not know global problems because I do not follow the news. But then again can I be faulted just because this is what society says is the right thing to do? Who determines what's right or wrong, or normal anyway?
I am who I've convinced myself I am to be. That's about it but it's more profound than it actually sounds.
Sometimes I do feel a sad longing for some place in society I'd really belong to. I've been constantly constrained by a lot of circumstances to do things I don't feel purposeful for. Going to schools to ensure I'm kept in the paper chase, I'll admit, is important. But it's left me feeling terribly empty. Through the years I've ended up in cultures devoid of people I can come alive with. Don't get me wrong, I love the bunch of fellas that make up my platoons through my army stint, but the stuff that they talk about or the music they listen to just simply don't cut it with me, and I'm constantly lying to myself just to keep up... It's tiring. Maybe as a platoon sergeant I saw it as a job to interact so as to understand the men better. But now that I'm letting it go, I'm really gonna let it go. Going to SMU after I ORD sure gives me sensations of escapism.
To what extent can I be faulted for not trying hard enough to be different, or make a difference? I genuinely believe I'm not a typical Zhonghua-to-NYJC-to-NTU-engineering student but whenever I have dreams of my own, voices tell me to forgo them because they're not practical. Truthfully, am I all for the paper chase and emphasis on the rice bowl? Why am I being faulted when my focus on a money-making career lapses when that's not what I really want? People can really try to convince themselves with their self-help books and blog rants that life is more than just a rat race but each time I talk to people, they keep convincing me that in the eyes and minds of the masses, that's all there is to life and ambition.
Weijian once said that we're living in a fucked up country. It is indeed an acidicly sweeping statement to make, but it does hold a certain amount of truth when he points out that every morning, people are rushing to bus stops and through train stations chasing god-knows-what and going home late at night. It's bad enough just to be in the rushing crowd for more inconsequential reasons like booking in to camp, and it's sick to know that conventionally, they're who you'd eventually become. Anonymous automatons of society.
But being in my unit has woken me up a little and while I have done what I could to make a difference there, I think it's about time to try and step out as an individual to be different. And eventually attempt to make a difference in society.
I wished more of us could have the courage to live. To give to your fellow brethren without expecting anything in return.
Starting to clear leave now. The light at the end of the tunnel is getting brighter... Just hope there aren't any potholes along the way that could really fuck things up in very unwelcome ways. Can't wait to throw all this down and escape into the life of a student again. I'm being an optimistic idealist for the moment.
Yes, I have a charmed life but it's not because of fairy dust, of self-help books, of circumstances or a bazillionheirress cash-flow. It is because I choose the path in which I walk.
The youths in Singapore are losing their identity and sense of belonging. I'm not sure who I'm speaking for, but I'm pretty sure it's not just a lonesome three to four. Polls have said it, half of the youths in Singapore would emigrate if given the chance. To rejoice or to despair?
I believe one of the reasons why Singaporeans are slowly losing their identity is partly the nation's fault, society's fault. Firstly, there's that lack of transparency on what the nation is doing for us. Secondly, they keep wanting us to be something else, or someone else. For example, wanting us to speak perfect English to "match up" with the ang mohs, or learning Chinese to keep up with China the growing dragon or whatever pet name it's given, or brushing up on Tamil as India's growing too. You can call us a multi-racial society and be proud of it, but it's not fair to exploit that and emphasizing on language so much in such a coercing manner. If there weren't those fireworks or the holiday, would the youths remember it's Singapore's independence day tomorrow? Would anyone embrace the day as a special day worth commemorating? Or would it just be another holiday? Singapore is indeed doing a lot for us, keeping the streets safe, making those policies to ensure every one of us gets sufficient education and so on and so forth, but then somehow people know only how to focus on the bad stuff, like rising transportation fares (does anyone ever feel thankful for the considerably-high pay they're getting compared to like native Indos?), stressful work environments, and bad education system which kinda limits students in some way and turns them all into bloody muggers who care only about results and nothing else. Our protective leaders' plans are backfiring on them, turning all their lovely citizens into narrow-minded self-centered money-minded people.
- Gracelina
I've been to the NE show when I was a starry-eyed Primary 5 kid, I've performed when I was a Nanyang Girl in Sec 1, I've been part of the audience 2 years ago, and this year I'm an usher for the last NDP at the National Stadium. For a possible quitter that is quite an awful lot of involvement in THE nation-building show, hahas.
It went from being awed by the fireworks to swelling with pride singing the national anthem after performing on the field to being somewhat cynical while on the audience stands, and this time I don't know what to feel. NDP hasn't exactly changed over the years--the formations are the few basic shapes you toy around with, the song singing of "future" and "peace" and "stars" and "soaring", the videos always appropriately reminding us of how we overcame our hardships etc [I just HAD to stifle a laugh when someone in one of the videos said "I am free to express myself."]
In so many ways the NDP show is a miniature replica of how the government would like Singapore Inc to work--months of hard work in nation-building that would have everyone believing and belonging, celebrating our achievements and the fact that we are Singaporeans and we are here, we've got it made, happy and all (remember, 4 million smiles or the police will arrest you for being unfriendly). Age strips the rose-tinted glasses away--the heart hardens and we dismiss each message as propaganda, which it is, really, but today I realise that it is not necessarily a bad thing because it doesn't make sense to badmouth/feedback on this day, because it doesn't seem right to not be idealistic and hopeful for a better Singapore, especially on National Day.
- Chris
I don't really have something specific to say in these recent times of growing anxiety about youths of our nation and politics of the country, and recently I realised that I'm becoming more of a backseat person - listening more than I speak, which, more often than not, turns out to be the wiser thing to do. But for a very, very inspiring read, go here. It's an interview with the late David Marshall. I know most people would probably dismiss this link but reconsider doing that, coz trust me this read could potentially change how you think, at least for awhile (heck if you had to choose between reading my online journal or that interview I'd say go for the interview dmnit.).
Met Gracia, an old schoolmate and ex-neighbour of mine (actually we still stay very much in proximity) the other day for a round of supper, and I was posed a question: "are you satisfied with your life?" And somewhere along those lines the question "what have you achieved?" probably lingered in anticipation of an answer as well.
How many of us have actually asked ourselves that question, and seriously gave that question a thought? I haven't until now. Deroose's asked me that before and it was half-dismissed because I thought it was too idealistic a question to consider at that point of time in my life when I was very much still in the platoon sergeant hotseat (clearing leave now and handed over! Woot).
Besides, what can you do when you're in the army right? That fuckin' obstacle in the prime of your youth? People can claim to have answered that question and gave an answer as dismally as I have thinking that it's okay, but now I realise it's not really alright.
After some reflecting, I guess I've tried to make my team, if not my unit, a better place to be in, and that's as heroic as I can get within my legal means. Because trying anything beyond that, especially as an NSF sergeant, is simply out of the question. Perhaps I've tried to change the system but failed, and maybe I can say that's the cause of my dissatisfaction. But I think I do have reason to be satisfied. In very basic, physical terms, I hope that I've cultivated a sense of pride in our team to be the best at what they can do, both for and against the system. Unity is strength, and you can't underestimate people power. Think I'm getting a little carried away again... But changing the system on my own would amount to opposing the government in its very funny, micro-level kinda way; a government which has cleverly buffered itself in its God-complex so as to be untouchable.
Take OC and CO relations for example, and why the chain of command is so strongly enforced upon the men to go through the right flow of channels. For those who aren't in the know... I can't elaborate here. Touchy issues.
Then again sometimes I think, is that really it? Or is that what I'd like to believe it is... Am I really as pensively intelligent as I think I am? Or am I just making a crapload of noise here, just like almost everybody else? Because sometimes I see chinks in my armour of seemingly correct principles.
I'm in a period of time where I'll probably look back on in the future and feel stupid of myself about. I've read back on some of the stuff I wrote, especially during phases of my life where I'm especially impressionable, not just towards trends but towards perspectives and beliefs as well. And I wished I could just go back in time and slap myself for the immature, silly stuff I did or said.
When it comes to being really clever, I suck. There are people I know whom I admire for their speed of thought and strategic foresight (qualities I think I fall short in), and when it comes to actually knowing stuff, I'm sorely lacking as well. I do not know global problems because I do not follow the news. But then again can I be faulted just because this is what society says is the right thing to do? Who determines what's right or wrong, or normal anyway?
I am who I've convinced myself I am to be. That's about it but it's more profound than it actually sounds.
Sometimes I do feel a sad longing for some place in society I'd really belong to. I've been constantly constrained by a lot of circumstances to do things I don't feel purposeful for. Going to schools to ensure I'm kept in the paper chase, I'll admit, is important. But it's left me feeling terribly empty. Through the years I've ended up in cultures devoid of people I can come alive with. Don't get me wrong, I love the bunch of fellas that make up my platoons through my army stint, but the stuff that they talk about or the music they listen to just simply don't cut it with me, and I'm constantly lying to myself just to keep up... It's tiring. Maybe as a platoon sergeant I saw it as a job to interact so as to understand the men better. But now that I'm letting it go, I'm really gonna let it go. Going to SMU after I ORD sure gives me sensations of escapism.
To what extent can I be faulted for not trying hard enough to be different, or make a difference? I genuinely believe I'm not a typical Zhonghua-to-NYJC-to-NTU-engineering student but whenever I have dreams of my own, voices tell me to forgo them because they're not practical. Truthfully, am I all for the paper chase and emphasis on the rice bowl? Why am I being faulted when my focus on a money-making career lapses when that's not what I really want? People can really try to convince themselves with their self-help books and blog rants that life is more than just a rat race but each time I talk to people, they keep convincing me that in the eyes and minds of the masses, that's all there is to life and ambition.
Weijian once said that we're living in a fucked up country. It is indeed an acidicly sweeping statement to make, but it does hold a certain amount of truth when he points out that every morning, people are rushing to bus stops and through train stations chasing god-knows-what and going home late at night. It's bad enough just to be in the rushing crowd for more inconsequential reasons like booking in to camp, and it's sick to know that conventionally, they're who you'd eventually become. Anonymous automatons of society.
But being in my unit has woken me up a little and while I have done what I could to make a difference there, I think it's about time to try and step out as an individual to be different. And eventually attempt to make a difference in society.
I wished more of us could have the courage to live. To give to your fellow brethren without expecting anything in return.
Starting to clear leave now. The light at the end of the tunnel is getting brighter... Just hope there aren't any potholes along the way that could really fuck things up in very unwelcome ways. Can't wait to throw all this down and escape into the life of a student again. I'm being an optimistic idealist for the moment.
Yes, I have a charmed life but it's not because of fairy dust, of self-help books, of circumstances or a bazillionheirress cash-flow. It is because I choose the path in which I walk.
Thursday, 3 August 2006
Time
Thinking about The Lake House has brought up a couple of paradoxes. Alex died on the valentine's day of 2005. When Kate sent the letter through the mailbox to tell Alex to wait for her and, in turn, made him avoid the accident and eventually live on, Alex's brother would probably somehow have his mind warped to the current situation of Alex being actually alive and not dead. But the fact that Kate is aware that she actually saved his life at the end of the story and with all that smooching going on, it must mean that she actually has a higher level of knowledge over the confines of time and space? Because if she was like everyone else, the moment Alex survived that 'accident' by actually never crossing the road at all would have made her mind calibrated to actually believing that he was still alive all along, and not that she actually saved his life. If this isn't the case, then Alex would seemingly have 'resurrected' out of nowhere, and his brother and everyone else would still be thinking that he's actually dead.
Another problem is to do with the reserved dinner meeting, where Alex somehow never turned up for. We know the reason why he didn't turn up was because he actually died before the date came. If that's the case, saving Alex from the accident must've meant that he was alive all the while since the valentine's of 2005 through to the dinner date and beyond, so he must've met Kate up for dinner that day. So by right, Kate must've had some recollection of him actually turning up the dinner and that the date proceeded on as planned, since he was still alive. But as it seems, with Kate's memory of events still unchanged (since she was still emotional and they were smooching and all that shit), it must mean that Alex still had never attended that reserved dinner date for some very peculiar reason.
I wanna watch Click. It's the first movie with a concept that I've always thought of for the longest time. One of the things I've always pondered is that whether or not, when you freeze time for every single thing else except yourself and you lift up a book from a table and let go, the book will stay in mid air. Because by some logic which name I cannot put to, with time frozen, gravity would also cease to function.
What happens then if you retardedly decided to freeze the time of everything, including yourself? Because if let's say the time of everything else was frozen and you did a thousand things before resuming time, somebody observing you wouldn't notice anything amiss if you start and end at the same position as before the moment you froze time. So that means theoretically, as time is measured in moments here, there is always one moment after another and that implies that somehow, time must go on. So if you froze time for a thousand years and some divine power resumed it, nobody would notice that a thousand years had passed between those two moments. So if you froze even the power to unfreeze time, how would time continue? When will the next moment ever come, since in theory there must be another moment after that?
Another problem is to do with the reserved dinner meeting, where Alex somehow never turned up for. We know the reason why he didn't turn up was because he actually died before the date came. If that's the case, saving Alex from the accident must've meant that he was alive all the while since the valentine's of 2005 through to the dinner date and beyond, so he must've met Kate up for dinner that day. So by right, Kate must've had some recollection of him actually turning up the dinner and that the date proceeded on as planned, since he was still alive. But as it seems, with Kate's memory of events still unchanged (since she was still emotional and they were smooching and all that shit), it must mean that Alex still had never attended that reserved dinner date for some very peculiar reason.
I wanna watch Click. It's the first movie with a concept that I've always thought of for the longest time. One of the things I've always pondered is that whether or not, when you freeze time for every single thing else except yourself and you lift up a book from a table and let go, the book will stay in mid air. Because by some logic which name I cannot put to, with time frozen, gravity would also cease to function.
What happens then if you retardedly decided to freeze the time of everything, including yourself? Because if let's say the time of everything else was frozen and you did a thousand things before resuming time, somebody observing you wouldn't notice anything amiss if you start and end at the same position as before the moment you froze time. So that means theoretically, as time is measured in moments here, there is always one moment after another and that implies that somehow, time must go on. So if you froze time for a thousand years and some divine power resumed it, nobody would notice that a thousand years had passed between those two moments. So if you froze even the power to unfreeze time, how would time continue? When will the next moment ever come, since in theory there must be another moment after that?
Thursday, 27 July 2006
The Off/2SG Riposte
Sorta gave myself an off day today. Am I entitled to this? I'd like to think so. Still, it mildly pains and irritates me no end when people see me without my arms and rounds and start saying, "wah Jose, no need to do duty ah... So welfare," or like, "eh why you no need to do duty, slacker." If I could explain to you the entire culmination of events to the point of giving myself an off-from-duty over everyone else in my team today it'd take a few updates' worth of storytelling to do.
To begin with, for the men, Platoon Sergeants aren't meant to mount duty as the men are. That mentality is still etched deep in the recesses of everybody's minds then, and that should change.
How then do you appease a Guard Comd who's playfully accusing you of skiving?
Handling a team is no mean feat. Maybe being a Guard Commander's a much more challenging task but I believe I'm up to it anytime, if that was the route I was meant to take. But no, I'm a seaside PS, and that's that. And believe it or not, this has its valid difficulties and challenges because our unit is a very dynamic one, with daily jobs ranging from dealing with people to dealing with problems and situations. And trust me, dealing with seaside has its fair share of issues.
In the light of recent events we've had emergency meetings to highlight urgent matters regarding things that aren't going smoothly, but at each hearing I cannot find something they can fault my seaside team with, and that in itself is a huge form of pride I can take in. And it isn't easy having to keep watching over everything consistently because routine erodes the senses, but I am confident enough to say that I'm managing that aspect of things well. That's why maybe it seems like I'm not doing much because there aren't problems to solve, but note this: every problem that may potentially arise can be prevented with good planning and maintenance and that's what's been going on for my team. This constant watch and all the background work (which really encompasses a lot of things) that goes into ensuring that we cannot be faulted for anything by anybody requires keen observation, anticipation and effort.
And if I really wanted to skive duty with that off today, I wouldn't have even come to camp would I? Instead, I stayed overtime til 6pm and ran around the entire seaside ops stations to try and clear up whatever lurks beneath the exterior that could surface any moment and get the whole truckload of us into trouble again (in fact I'd even like to put it that I took the opportunity to be off duty to do those things). Nobody really does these things without them being told to and when they finally do, they make a whole shitload of noise to ensure that they'd be recognised for their work. I'm different I guess then, because when responsibility calls to me I'll make sure I do it, because I hate disappointing people. And sometimes when the PSes fuck up because of some retard, I still feel bad about it even if it's nothing to do with my team, because we as PSes have failed.
Sometimes I don't know why I even try so hard because when you come to think about it, nobody owes you any favour in your 2 years of service here. The most I can get out of it is knowing that I've tried my best to give those under me the best NSF experience they can have in such a simplistic job scope, and contributing my best within my means and principles to the unit as a whole.
I took the off-from-duty (I'm not even calling it an off here already) primarily so that I could do that bit of clearing up for the seaside stations' issues, but I guess now I'd like it to be known that I am entitling myself to this, and I wouldn't do something like this (telling people that yes, I think I deserve an off) if not for everybody thinking I'm trying to give myself a good deal here. It's just childish and retarded.
Our time is coming to a close for my batch of specs. Good luck to the new ones taking over, because present times are turbulent and it seems like making a mistake means instant death, because we (my batch of proud, esteemed 2SGs) have used all our chances up for the silliest of reasons.
Sometimes I wish I wasn't so angsty, especially when it comes to updating this online journal of mine.
The other day I saw an ad for this private degree in hospitality from EASB university, and it showed a rather happy-looking person saying, "I am prepared for the real world, are you?" I had to stifle a sad laugh because it's just really ironic. The condensed epiphany of the experience that was BSC tells me that anybody who's prepared for the real world wouldn't be grinning like an idiot.
To begin with, for the men, Platoon Sergeants aren't meant to mount duty as the men are. That mentality is still etched deep in the recesses of everybody's minds then, and that should change.
How then do you appease a Guard Comd who's playfully accusing you of skiving?
Handling a team is no mean feat. Maybe being a Guard Commander's a much more challenging task but I believe I'm up to it anytime, if that was the route I was meant to take. But no, I'm a seaside PS, and that's that. And believe it or not, this has its valid difficulties and challenges because our unit is a very dynamic one, with daily jobs ranging from dealing with people to dealing with problems and situations. And trust me, dealing with seaside has its fair share of issues.
In the light of recent events we've had emergency meetings to highlight urgent matters regarding things that aren't going smoothly, but at each hearing I cannot find something they can fault my seaside team with, and that in itself is a huge form of pride I can take in. And it isn't easy having to keep watching over everything consistently because routine erodes the senses, but I am confident enough to say that I'm managing that aspect of things well. That's why maybe it seems like I'm not doing much because there aren't problems to solve, but note this: every problem that may potentially arise can be prevented with good planning and maintenance and that's what's been going on for my team. This constant watch and all the background work (which really encompasses a lot of things) that goes into ensuring that we cannot be faulted for anything by anybody requires keen observation, anticipation and effort.
And if I really wanted to skive duty with that off today, I wouldn't have even come to camp would I? Instead, I stayed overtime til 6pm and ran around the entire seaside ops stations to try and clear up whatever lurks beneath the exterior that could surface any moment and get the whole truckload of us into trouble again (in fact I'd even like to put it that I took the opportunity to be off duty to do those things). Nobody really does these things without them being told to and when they finally do, they make a whole shitload of noise to ensure that they'd be recognised for their work. I'm different I guess then, because when responsibility calls to me I'll make sure I do it, because I hate disappointing people. And sometimes when the PSes fuck up because of some retard, I still feel bad about it even if it's nothing to do with my team, because we as PSes have failed.
Sometimes I don't know why I even try so hard because when you come to think about it, nobody owes you any favour in your 2 years of service here. The most I can get out of it is knowing that I've tried my best to give those under me the best NSF experience they can have in such a simplistic job scope, and contributing my best within my means and principles to the unit as a whole.
I took the off-from-duty (I'm not even calling it an off here already) primarily so that I could do that bit of clearing up for the seaside stations' issues, but I guess now I'd like it to be known that I am entitling myself to this, and I wouldn't do something like this (telling people that yes, I think I deserve an off) if not for everybody thinking I'm trying to give myself a good deal here. It's just childish and retarded.
Our time is coming to a close for my batch of specs. Good luck to the new ones taking over, because present times are turbulent and it seems like making a mistake means instant death, because we (my batch of proud, esteemed 2SGs) have used all our chances up for the silliest of reasons.
Sometimes I wish I wasn't so angsty, especially when it comes to updating this online journal of mine.
The other day I saw an ad for this private degree in hospitality from EASB university, and it showed a rather happy-looking person saying, "I am prepared for the real world, are you?" I had to stifle a sad laugh because it's just really ironic. The condensed epiphany of the experience that was BSC tells me that anybody who's prepared for the real world wouldn't be grinning like an idiot.
Monday, 10 July 2006
Platoon Sergeant
Being an unofficial platoon sergeant of a team in a new unit really has its ups and downs. But I'm just glad for the lessons because they've taught me invaluable things. I guess at least I'm not going into the real society as a naive retard.
I still feel like I've been promoted to a 2SG for nothing. Am I supposed to feel happier? More obliged to be a fucker? Others who have been officially promoted to a 2SG rank to be a platoon sergeant have dug trenches and shite to get there. This is a local promotion for the remaining 4 months of my time that I don't need. And what pains me in an ass-kinda way is how other fellow promoted 2SGs are reacting to it. Stuff that I'd rather not mention. As I used to tell myself, and I still do, don't rock the boat Jose. Don't do it. It's just another 4 months anyway.
I still feel like I've been promoted to a 2SG for nothing. Am I supposed to feel happier? More obliged to be a fucker? Others who have been officially promoted to a 2SG rank to be a platoon sergeant have dug trenches and shite to get there. This is a local promotion for the remaining 4 months of my time that I don't need. And what pains me in an ass-kinda way is how other fellow promoted 2SGs are reacting to it. Stuff that I'd rather not mention. As I used to tell myself, and I still do, don't rock the boat Jose. Don't do it. It's just another 4 months anyway.
Monday, 3 July 2006
Band Of Brothers
What has happened to my BSC?
It seems like since that last fateful weekend, CDS has slipped into some kind of dark age, shrouded by gloom and doom. I've always liked CDS for its heroic, outlawed ways. We were the military organisation that's always at the frontline 24/7, and yet you could say we were the most unregimental soldiers ever. We had our own way of running things, resulting in a very different working and booking out system that no other unit has. We were once classified as RPs, but when people asked us if we were like RPs we'd say "no", and add that it'd be a really long story if we were to say why even though it seemed like we were doing the same kinda things.
In fact we were different. Which infantry soldiers wear commercial lifevests, bicycle helmets, safety boots and drive RHIBs? Which infantry unit never made it a requirement to reveille, fall in for last parades and have standby areas? Which infantry unit has soldiers outside consistently on weekdays? We were the resident base fuckers, doing what was necessary and to the objective (which meant minusing whatever we could and cutting corners) and then calling it a day, job well done and secured. Yet we never had bookout hours long enough to stop us from complaining that we aren't a welfared lot. We were in this mysteriously cheeky little unit. That was just the squadron I saw myself in and loved myself to be a part of.
But after what our dear CO has done, all sense of humour about everything's gone. It's sad and, I'll bet to the laojiaos, it's almost taboo. A balance has just been rocked, and we aren't who we are anymore. Our unit identity and personality is in shambles, and a new system is taking over. I'm leaving soon, and that's just about the best consolation about the whole situation that I can think of. It's sad.
I've never liked the idea of people, especially fellow people of similar age, drawing lines with one another. That's why I've always believed that we should see beyond authority and keep a certain sense of NSF integrity. Look, if you're so garang, then just fuckin' sign on man. If you do just that, I'll give it to you and not blame you for being such a system whore coz that's just about your job to be a slave to the system. But if you're a fellow NSF just like me, and just like the fuckin' whole lot of most of us that form the basis of this little defence squadron that we call our own, then I think that it's only right that you preserve a certain sense of code of conduct that all NSFs should rightly follow. It's not just about how good a soldier you'll be during your service term, but much more than that beyond your years after you ORD. If you start being a prick and screw everyone for the small things they shouldn't do as soldiers but could possibly do coz we're just biding our time as best as we can during our NSF years, then you're just not really being a fellow human that much anymore, and I believe all respect for you would go right down the drain.
That's why I don't believe in authority, which leads to my refusal to give in to regimentation and upholding of the law here. That's why sometimes I don't think I deserve a 2SG rank. To me, everybody around me of my age is a fellow man who is a son, a good buddy, a brother and a boyfriend. Mess him up and you're potentially messing about with anybody else he means the world to. Everybody has a sense of pride and self respect and it's just fucked up if you think that you can take that from him and believe that he'll really behave and even think like a man just because that's what he is in the pecking order of the army. It's just sad that some people still assume we can treat people this way as if they were from a 19th century army force. Maybe it's good to let some people who just don't get it know that most of the guys here are only being as obedient to authority around here as they're willing to play your games and act the part. Push that limit and everything will crumble.
I've always believed that with a sense of pride and faith in the people around you, you can get them to perform miracles beyond their calls of duty. Let's face it, more than half the people around here chose to be men anyway, so they probably chose not to take the responsibility and to just slowly while their way away while waiting for their turn to ORD and head on to more important things in life to them. Stop fucking them, stop messing around with their personal prides and dignities as fellow men, and you'll see how much more willing they are to do their job for you.
I'm only relieved that in a very few months time, my time here will be over and I can stop pretending that I believe in enforcing the system here as a sergeant. Truth is I don't, and it's tiring. Maybe I'm lucky in fact not be an officer so that I'm not biased to be a sucker for the system, so that I can revert from spec to man and man to spec anytime. Stop the power plays, and cut the crap about all these superiority complexes. It's lame and childish to say the least.
It seems like since that last fateful weekend, CDS has slipped into some kind of dark age, shrouded by gloom and doom. I've always liked CDS for its heroic, outlawed ways. We were the military organisation that's always at the frontline 24/7, and yet you could say we were the most unregimental soldiers ever. We had our own way of running things, resulting in a very different working and booking out system that no other unit has. We were once classified as RPs, but when people asked us if we were like RPs we'd say "no", and add that it'd be a really long story if we were to say why even though it seemed like we were doing the same kinda things.
In fact we were different. Which infantry soldiers wear commercial lifevests, bicycle helmets, safety boots and drive RHIBs? Which infantry unit never made it a requirement to reveille, fall in for last parades and have standby areas? Which infantry unit has soldiers outside consistently on weekdays? We were the resident base fuckers, doing what was necessary and to the objective (which meant minusing whatever we could and cutting corners) and then calling it a day, job well done and secured. Yet we never had bookout hours long enough to stop us from complaining that we aren't a welfared lot. We were in this mysteriously cheeky little unit. That was just the squadron I saw myself in and loved myself to be a part of.
But after what our dear CO has done, all sense of humour about everything's gone. It's sad and, I'll bet to the laojiaos, it's almost taboo. A balance has just been rocked, and we aren't who we are anymore. Our unit identity and personality is in shambles, and a new system is taking over. I'm leaving soon, and that's just about the best consolation about the whole situation that I can think of. It's sad.
I've never liked the idea of people, especially fellow people of similar age, drawing lines with one another. That's why I've always believed that we should see beyond authority and keep a certain sense of NSF integrity. Look, if you're so garang, then just fuckin' sign on man. If you do just that, I'll give it to you and not blame you for being such a system whore coz that's just about your job to be a slave to the system. But if you're a fellow NSF just like me, and just like the fuckin' whole lot of most of us that form the basis of this little defence squadron that we call our own, then I think that it's only right that you preserve a certain sense of code of conduct that all NSFs should rightly follow. It's not just about how good a soldier you'll be during your service term, but much more than that beyond your years after you ORD. If you start being a prick and screw everyone for the small things they shouldn't do as soldiers but could possibly do coz we're just biding our time as best as we can during our NSF years, then you're just not really being a fellow human that much anymore, and I believe all respect for you would go right down the drain.
That's why I don't believe in authority, which leads to my refusal to give in to regimentation and upholding of the law here. That's why sometimes I don't think I deserve a 2SG rank. To me, everybody around me of my age is a fellow man who is a son, a good buddy, a brother and a boyfriend. Mess him up and you're potentially messing about with anybody else he means the world to. Everybody has a sense of pride and self respect and it's just fucked up if you think that you can take that from him and believe that he'll really behave and even think like a man just because that's what he is in the pecking order of the army. It's just sad that some people still assume we can treat people this way as if they were from a 19th century army force. Maybe it's good to let some people who just don't get it know that most of the guys here are only being as obedient to authority around here as they're willing to play your games and act the part. Push that limit and everything will crumble.
I've always believed that with a sense of pride and faith in the people around you, you can get them to perform miracles beyond their calls of duty. Let's face it, more than half the people around here chose to be men anyway, so they probably chose not to take the responsibility and to just slowly while their way away while waiting for their turn to ORD and head on to more important things in life to them. Stop fucking them, stop messing around with their personal prides and dignities as fellow men, and you'll see how much more willing they are to do their job for you.
I'm only relieved that in a very few months time, my time here will be over and I can stop pretending that I believe in enforcing the system here as a sergeant. Truth is I don't, and it's tiring. Maybe I'm lucky in fact not be an officer so that I'm not biased to be a sucker for the system, so that I can revert from spec to man and man to spec anytime. Stop the power plays, and cut the crap about all these superiority complexes. It's lame and childish to say the least.
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