Friday, 24 October 2008


Your unmistakeable loud hailer voice from a mile away.

How you were the unapologetically dirtiest player on the pitch, which made us want to pole or taupok you more, which we did.

I called you Hulk Hogan for the countless number of times you ripped our shirts playing soccer like a dirty Mat.

Your unceasing Mat Vs Singh wars with A, and I'd always end up taking his side because you always got funnier when increasingly agitated which made the whole situation so much more entertaining.

The time you fell in love with K and codenamed her TA for 'tight ass'.

The stupid malay codewords we learnt from you that became an integral part of our daily cryptic communications.

Your calling Jim a Goblok one day because he was at it again with another one of his retarded antics, and it seriously became his name to us for the next 2 years at least.

How you and B became the gayest of buddies because there were only 3 guys in your class and the other guy wasn't so much of a guy anyway.

Even more gay when you and B became the rock of our JC team's defence in centre back.

When you got booked for running onto the pitch despite only being a substitute and taking off your shirt to celebrate after TK scored our 2nd goal during the 'A' Divisions, even though we were already out of the tournament.

All the hide and seek sessions we had with Mdm Lai in the library just because we wanted the air con without following the rules.

How we froze outside the library when Mdm Lai walked past and EF decided to run and accidentally dashed straight into the female toilet and had to sheepishly re-emerge and apologise to her.

The time B spread that you allegedly got sexually excited when Ms Nim did something totally unexciting to you, can't recall what exactly.

Your locking us out of your own house at 11pm when no locksmiths are available.

Our first-time clubbing experience the night before soccer camp, and you and EF decided to go to a nearby hotel instead and disturb its residents by pressing the doorbells and running away.

The time we went for flag day together and pasted the stickers all over the place around PS.

How we got into deep shit for that because some member of the public complained and it was announced the next day during assembly, and none of us wanted to admit it and started blaming each other.

When a boy and girl were on stage during assembly for being caught for breaking some rules, of which included smoking and probably some hanky panky, and you went "she smoked his what?!" freaking loudly and everyone turned to look at us.

How you appeared on TV for representing our JC's malay debate team, and after that we never gave you a break for your 'debating prowess'.

In fact, we even believed you could set a guilty man free because of the way you argue, which is an electrifying mix of humour, style, confusion and bullshit.

Our countless debates and arguments over the stupidest things just for the sake of it.

Your endless self-allusions to Islam and being holy and our eveready "YEAH RIGHT" to that.

The hard disk of porn smuggling between you and A.

Finding a pack of cigarettes in your bag, and your adamant denial that they're yours.

Bubble tea sessions after soccer, and how you'd NEVER ever buy your own and instead arm yourself with a personal straw so that you can leech off ours.

Same goes for McDonald's food.

How we always try and get you to treat us just because you simply refuse to do so.

How you always try and get a free lunch off us, being quick to jump on any birthday celebrations and demanding that the birthday dude give a treat.

Finally getting your motorbike license, and becoming a biker Mat with your infamous Phantom.

B went overseas, A became your new gay buddy, especially since he also got a motorbike license and became a phantom biker Singh, and the both of you kept making really happy trips across the causeway.

Finding that Singh's Phantom has a nice eagle design on the wheel cover, while yours had a pile of bird shit there instead one day after soccer.

The hamstring tear which had to put a stop to soccer for you, and your participation in our weekend soccer games, which hasn't resumed til date.

How I bunked in with you for 3 days at NUS when I needed to get away to study before my finals in year 1, and you insisted that we could share the same bed even though you lived in a frikkin tiny single room hostel.

How we talked about gender dynamics and you'd always say the most off things.

Your lamenting that being a joker type of person simply doesn't get the girls because they don't take you seriously, and how I didn't really know how to give an answer to that.

You just gave me a feeling I haven't felt for a long time even though I haven't seen you for the longest time either, and I just had to write it down.

No woman ever falls in love with a man unless she has a better opinion of him than he deserves.
- Ed Howe

Audio Candy:
Dishwalla - Collide

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