Sir Bobby Robson
"My father had five sons. I had four brothers."
"Hitler didn't tell us when he was going to send over those doodlebugs, did he?"
- On why he was refusing to name his England team before a World Cup qualifer against Sweden in 1989.
"We didn't underestimate them. They were a lot better than we thought."
- Sir Bobby after England sneaked through against Cameroon in the 1990 World Cup.
"Look at those olive trees. They're two hundred years old - from before the time of Christ!"
- Sir Bobby illustrates how great life is in Barcelona.
"I played cricket for my local village. It was 40 overs per side, and
the team that had the most runs won. It was that sort of football."
"We don't train in this country. We train at the beginning of the season to get fit once the season starts, we're a nation of match-day footballers."
"They're two points behind us, so we're neck and neck."
"Football never surprises you and it never sometimes demoralises you."
"If we start counting our chickens before they hatch, they won't lay any eggs in the basket."
"We've got nothing to lose, and there's no point losing this game."
"I would have given my right arm to be a pianist."
"I do want to play the short ball and I do want to play the long ball. I think long and short balls is what football is all about."
"Their football was exceptionally good - and they played some good football."
"Eighteen months ago they [Sweden] were arguably one of the best three teams in Europe, and that would include Germany, Holland, Russia and anybody else if you like. "
"We're taking 22 players to Italy, sorry, to Spain... where are we, Jim?"
- On whether Paul Gascoigne should have gone to the 1998 World Cup.
"He's very fast and if he gets a yard ahead of himself nobody will catch him."
"The first 90 minutes are the most important."
"In a year's time, he's a year older."
"Anything from 1-0 to 2-0 would be a nice result."
"Home advantage gives you an advantage."
"The margin is very marginal."
"Well, we got nine and you can't score more than that."
"He's got his legs back, of course, or his leg - he's always had one but now he's got two."
"Everyone's got tough games coming up. Manchester United have got Arsenal, Arsenal have got Manchester United and Leeds have got Leeds."
"Manchester United will find it very intimidating with 100 screaming fans in the Bernabeu."
"I thought that individually and as a pair, they'd do better together."
"If you're a painter, you don't get rich until you're dead. The same happens with managers. You're never appreciated until you're gone, and then people say: 'Oh, he was OK'. Just like Picasso."
"What can I say about Peter Shilton? Peter Shilton is Peter Shilton, and he has been Peter Shilton since the year dot."
"When he was dribbling, he used to go through a minefield with his arm, a bit like you go through a supermarket"
- On Paul Gascoigne.
"Steve Hodge has been unfit for two weeks, well, no, for 14 days."
"Ray Wilkins' day will come one night."
"All right, Bellamy came on at Liverpool and did well, but everybody thinks that he's the saviour, he's Jesus Christ. He's not Jesus Christ."
"Jermaine Jenas is a fit lad. He gets from box to box in all of 90 minutes."
"If you see him stripped, he's like Mike Tyson. But he doesn't bite like Tyson."
- On Titus Bramble.
"Nobby Solano discharged himself from hospital after the Tottenham game and he's driving, living the life and aware of who he is."
"We can't replace Gary Speed. Where do you get an experienced player like him with a left foot and a head?"
"They can't be monks - we don't want them to be monks, we want them to be football players because a monk doesn't play football at this level"
- On Newcastle's disciplinary problems.
"If we invite any player up to the Quayside to see the girls and then up to our magnificent stadium, we will be able to persuade any player to sign."
"We mustn't be despondent. We don't have to play them every week - although we do play them next week as it happens."
- Following Newcastle's 2-0 league defeat by Arsenal who they then played the following Sunday in the FA Cup.
Alan Brazil: "I'm delighted to say we've got Sir Bobby Robson on the end of the phone, fresh from getting his knighthood at Buckingham Palace. Bobby, terrific news."
Sir Bobby Robson: "What is?"
Brazil: "You know, getting the old sword on the shoulder from Prince Charlie."
Sir Bob: "Eh? [Long pause] Oh yeah... well, it was a day I'll never forget."
"The crowd were expecting Craig Bellamy to come on and turn it around in an instant. They think he's a magician. He's not, he will be, but he hasn't got a magic wand. He hasn't played for seven months. He will be an October player. He's not a September player"
"I'm not going to look beyond the semi-final - but I would love to lead Newcastle out at the final"
"There will be a game where somebody scores more than Brazil and that might be the game that they lose."
"We used to have Shaka Hislop on our books but I've never heard of Shakira. Is she a singer?"
- On learning that the pop diva was staying in the same Barcelona hotel as his players in November.
"The ref was vertically 15 yards away."
"There are two schools of thought on the way the rest of this half is going to develop; everybody’s got their own opinion."
"Goalkeepers aren’t born today until they’re in their late twenties or thirties."
"The game has gone rather scrappy as both sides realise they could win this match or lose it."
"I don’t think there’s anyone bigger or smaller than Maradona."
"They compare Steve McManaman to Steve Heighway and he’s nothing like him, but I can see why – it’s because he’s a bit different"
"There’ll be no siestas in Madrid tonight."
"By using his strength. And that is his strength - his strength."
"One of his strengths is not heading."
"Gary always weighed up his options, especially when he had no choice."
"I’m not disappointed – just disappointed."
"The tide is very much in our court now."
"Chile have three options – they could win or they could lose."
"That would have been a goal if it wasn’t saved."
"I came to Nantes two years ago and it’s much the same today, except that it’s totally different."
"The substitute is about to come on – he’s a player who was left out of the starting line-up today."
"I know what is around the corner – I just don’t know where the corner is. But the onus is on us to perform and we must control the bandwagon."
"Hungary is very similar to Bulgaria. I know they’re different countries."
"In some ways, cramp is worse than having a broken leg."
"The 33 or 34-year-olds will be 36 or 37 by the time the next World Cup comes around, if they’re not careful."
"England have the best fans in the world and Scotland’s fans are second-to-none."
"I’d love to be a mole on the wall in the Liverpool dressing room at half-time."
"It could be far worse for me if it was easy for me."
"Argentina won’t be at Euro 2000 because they’re from South America."
"They’re the second best team in the world, and there’s no higher praise than that."
"You’re not just getting international football, you’re getting world football."
"Luis Figo is totally different to David Beckham, and vice versa."
"Football’s always easier when you’ve got the ball."
"I want more from David Beckham. I want him to improve on perfection."
"The Germans only have one player under 22, and he’s 23"
"I’ve had an interest in racing all my life, or longer really."
"We managed to wrong a few rights."
"We are three games without defeat is another way of looking at it. But if we are honest we have taken two points from nine."
"I’ll never play at Wembley again, unless I play at Wembley again."
Q: Why do so many housewives love newcastle?
A: Cos they stay on top for ages and then come second.
Fire brigade phones Bobby Robson in the early hours of Sunday morning...
"Sir Bobby, St James Park is on fire!"
"The cups man! Save the cups!" replies Sir Bobby.
"Well...the fire hasn't spread to the canteen yet, sir."
Q. What's the difference between the Toon keeper and a taxi driver?
A. A taxi driver will only let in four at a time.
Why do Geordie Supporters have Moustaches?
A: So they can look like their Mothers.
Quasimodo asks Esmeralda, "Am I really the ugliest b**tard in the world?"
"Why don't you go upstairs to the Magic Mirror and ask ?" says Esmeralda.
Quasimodo goes upstairs to the mirror and returns a few minutes later.
As he hobbles in Esmeralda asks "Well, what did the mirror say ?"
To which Quasimodo replies, "Who's Peter Beardsley?"