Psychosis induced by supporting a team facing relegation. Symptoms include crankiness, excessive use of caps lock and exclamation marks, and bitterness that spills over into dire hatred for teams in the same league at the top.
Newcastle lifted themselves out of the drop zone by beating fellow relegation-battler and my cousin Justin's beloved Middlesbrough 3-1. It really could've swung any way and it might've been him who'd be celebrating survival instead of me. But it was crucially down to this game and Newcastle knicked it to sniff, for the first in a long time, some glimpse of hope.
For Newcastle, it's the first win for Alan Shearer and their first home win since December.
For me, it might soon mark the end of a major trough in the rollercoaster ride that being a Newcastle fan always seems to involve.
This should remind Nathaniel that he's just being as gay as gay can be considering becoming a Liverpool fan should Newcastle really drop this season.
I've never wanted to leave. I'm here for the rest of my life, and hopefully after that as well
- Alan Shearer as a Newcastle player
Guns 'N Roses - Chinese Democracy